my baby is a cuddle slut!

when i come home i find my helper cuddling my 3 month old to sleep. i can see bubs loves it and it seems like a very natural thing to do. however she is leaving me with a very needy baby! so much so, that when we put him down in his chair or his crib or wherever, (so not cuddling him) he will cry! my bubs just looooooves to be cuddled and won't go without! i would love to cuddle him 24/7, but i don't think that is realistic. should i say something to her? i feel like a mean mummy to ask her to not do it. or is she doing the right thing???

In my opinion, it's what your baby needs. The only way he can tell you this is being happy when carried and crying when put down. Many believe that you can't spoil a baby with love. I certainly agree.


Maybe carrying your baby in a sling or baby carrier will meet your baby's needs.


Have a look on the net about attachment parenting and info by Dr William and Martha Sears www.askdrsears.com . It may or may not be what you'd like to try, but is certainly an option.


Many cultures around the world cuddle and carry their babies with no ill effects.

You know, this is such a hot topic ... people are so divided in their opinions.I cuddle and love over my babies (three and one) and have chosen to limit my work outside the home because this is what I want to do .... but I do train them to

studies in sleep with adults and infants that I have read over the last few years) Cuddling is such a lovely thing to do, but time consuming, and can get to the point where they stir and wake up after only a short nap and you have to go through the whole process again. The key is to train them to fall asleep unassisted. I have two who needed some help with this kind of thing (another on the way!!) and having helped them to fall asleep and stay asleep by themselves, they are well rested (the difference between kids who are and are not is enormous .... concentration and development is just the beginning I think) and I can plan my day, knowing the family will be getting everything they need. If you plan to have one child, I don't imagine it to be a problem, but I know I simply couldn't do it with two, so there is the practical side of things as well. Crying is also a sign of tiredness, as well as wanting cuddles! The trick is to get them to bed (with a little sleep routine so they understand what is happening and start to realax and get ready for their nap) BEFORE they become overtired ... which can happen very quickly. It actually takes about 6 months to get to know each baby, I have found ... the learning curve is steep, even if you have already had a baby. Anyways, I have some great books, and websites and phone numbers if you are interested. But .... if you have the time and love to cuddle - indulge!!!! You do what works for you, take the advice that works and toss the rest!!!

Hi Sashimi girl, I don't think you're mean at all. babies need to be shown how to independant play, i.e. playing with toys by himself or watching a mobile for 10-15mins increments. Your helper may really love your baby but you have to teach her to teach your baby to spend short amounts of time alone. maybe you can start off by asking the helper to 'clean' while baby is playing by himself and just sing and talk to him instead of cuddling. it may take a while until your son gets used to the idea of not being held/cuddled but b/c he is so young, he'll learn in no time. otherwise you will have a hard time later on when he's older and unable to amuse himself.

Hi, cuddling baby is a lovely and natural thing to do, cuddling him to get him to go to sleep is a different story I am afraid. It is something that might turn into a really bad habit that you will be later struggling very hard to break. So please be careful. There are just too many stories (including this forum) where the baby is used to being rocked/cuddled to sleep and wont learn to fall asleep by himself. There are books of course that you can read to double-check (such as Gina Ford and Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg - both mentioned a lot on this forum) and they just about all say - do not start bad habits and that is one of them? As much as we want to hold our babies all the time, for the sake of making life easier for yourself, try to limit it, and esp do not let the baby fall asleep this way...

But also enjoy it within reason of course as once they start moving they wont sit and be cuddled for long anymore!

Sorry forgot to mention that we do make a lot of time for kisses and cuddling too, just not the whole day. usually after his meals, we have a cuddle, then he goes into his play area where we sit together to read or play, but i am not holding him, until he gets interested in something else and i will choose that moment to walk away, not making a big deal that i'm leaving. In the beginning mm would look around for me but i would just be cleaning up or doing some chores in the room and singing or talking to myself - especially if i left the room for a minute i'd continue singing so he would know i'm close by (haha felt silly at times but this is what worked for us). he'd soon get bored of me and refocus on his toys. now my son is 7mths and doesn't mind to be left alone to play for 20 - 30mins. He will yell when he's ready for a change of scenery or if he's tired, then i will put him down for a nap. We started this practice around 3 or 4mths because we already knew we wanted more mms so each one would need to be independant. I do not leave him to cry, usually there is something wrong if he cries so we try to figure that out but in your case your mm might complain for a bit but stick with trying to distract his attention instead of cuddling if your objective is to teach your mm to be independant. I agree with sibelius, do what feels right for you in your heart. good luck!

Just to provide the other side again...


Yup, carrying your babies and meeting their needs is natural.


A baby will be ready to be independent when they know that mum or dad or caregiver going away doesn't mean abandonment. It's all age dependent. Hang in there...this too shall pass.


My kids learned how to fall asleep on their own at a bit over age 2. Now they will sleep til 11am if I let them. They nursed to sleep usually. Never had any cavities or bad habits because of it.


Hope you find some good ideas here!


cheers from Ruth

Ruth, did your kids not sleep on their own till they were 2?? that sounds like hard work - this is exactly what I am saying - if you would like to make it easier on yourself, do not cuddle your baby to sleep.. Ours learnt to fall asleep on their own at about 5 months... we did the shooshing and patting for a bit to get them there but was totally worth it!

I too did the shush pat and baby slept through from 5mths.

They slept with us in the same bed for perhaps the first half year which went by in a shot, then we moved them into the crib beside us. Then I guess by year one or so we moved the girls to their own room gradually by moving the crib out of our room a bit at a time to just down the hall.


In many cultures around the world babies sleep in close proximity to the parents or caregivers. You'll find less incidence of SIDS in these places too. Parenting is only hard work if you think it is a problem. Going with the flow is sometimes SO much easier.


We always made regular noise around them so they got used to falling asleep with noise.


Sorry to take over your thread a bit!


What works for one baby doesn't always work for all, so go with your instinct and take information from others, not advice, so you can make your own choices. I'm just sharing what has worked for us and resources that we used to make our decisions.


cheers from Ruth

Yes Im with you Ruth. A baby/toddler/child needs heaps and heaps of cuddles, as much as they want. It wont make them 'clingy' at all actually it makes them the complete opposite in my opinion. Im a great fan of attachment parenting and Dr Sears. My boy has been carried around in his sling since birth and still is at 15months. Both myself and my helper have slings and I wouldnt do without them. The sling helped so much with colic, teething and illnesses. Both my children co-slept with us and my son still does. Just love having my kids close as one day in the not so distant future they will leave the nest and I shall miss it. They are not babies forever, keep them close, so give them plenty of cuddles while they still want and need them. GOOD LUCK