Full-time Mommy, Do you sometime feel this way?

I've been a full time Mum for 6 1/2 months now. Sometimes, I feel very trapped, depresses and useless. I've a part-time helper comes twice a week help to clean the house and buy food. With the little one, it is impossible for me to go out to shop for food like before, even for a walk. I feel, i don't have a life like before.

Don't get me wrong, I love my baby dearly. Just this feelings are killing me....

i have a 6.5 month baby too with no helper so i do know how you feel at this time. I bring him out to go everywhere like market, shopping mall (just got back from having coffee with a full time mom) and on weekends, if my hubby is home, he will take care for few hours so i can go out to do some shopping or facial. Yes, life is not like before and that is for sure but what a joy to be with him and witness every development milestone of him. Feeling if not handle it probably is very deceiving so make a quality choice to enjoy every bit of it. Everything is temporary, i am looking forward to everyday doing things with him.

hmmmm...

6.5 months - you should have a fairly well-established routine for your baby by now that would allow you at least one outing with your baby in the day, probably in the afternoon.


i have to say i agree with saikunga, is there any reason why you can't take your child out with you? are you afraid baby might start to fuss and you won't know how to cope alone in public? fret not, with practice, you'll get used to it. don't stay indoors all day, i think a child doesn't need expensive gym classes to be stimulated by at least one daily outing, even just to sit on your lap while you have a nice slice of cake in the cafe is a nice thing for them - they get to observe the world!


i did feel that way initially when baby was first born but i was determined to go out, even when i didn't know too many mummy friends then. every afternoon, i would go to the nearby mall and have a nice slice to cake and coffee, window shop, etc. then as baby got older, we got to know more people, had lovely playdates. and as you feel more confident, you will be running errands with your little one!


just to give you an idea, my son is now 17 months and until i was really suffering from morning sickness with #2 a few months ago, my daily routine would be:


morning: grocery shopping, breakfast with toddler

afternoon: playdate, window shopping..come rain or shine, we will be outdoors.


hang in there, take the first plunge to being an outgoing mum, you won't regret it. good luck!

You might want to make an appointment with your doctor to be screened for postpartum depression. No big deal to get screened, and being armed with information always helps.


Tell your baby's father that you need an hour to yourself as soon as possible, without the baby. Being a full time stay at home Mommy doesn't mean that you must care for the baby 24/7/365. In this hour, do something nice for yourself, even if it is just to sit and enjoy not having the baby. Then, think about what part of your situation you would like to change. You are still the person that you were before the baby, is is just underneath a bit. It is easy to fall into crisis mode with a newborn, just reacting to everything, plus getting so much conflicting advice, particularly from complete strangers, can be quite overwhelming.


6 1/2 months can be a very intense time: maybe you have just gotten your period again for the first time since you've had the baby, and your hormone levels can still be a bit erratic. Plus, at this time babies aren't so mobile yet, but they suddenly understand mobility, so they want to be carried around all the time to see new things, and this can be very hard on a new mom. They also often start waking up more in the nights again as they realize that they aren't physically a part of you.


Oh, and finally, shame on everyone who tells you to just deal with it. That is called kicking someone when they are down, and nice people don't do that. Yes, it is important to be able to get out with the baby, but it sounds like what you need right now is to get out WITHOUT the baby on a regular basis as well. There is nothing wrong with this. Good luck.

If you are a breastfeeding mummy, try going to a La Leche League meeting. The mums there will help you to put these feelings into perspective and you'llmake some new In Real Life friends to hang with. You can also borrow books from their library.


Hang in there!

\cheers from Ruth

well Z, very nice of you to suggest to the OP about going out alone, that's of course it's important. but it doesn't mean that it was wrong of us to suggest that she should go out and about with the baby. she does need to deal with it. i have friends who at more than a year later would not step out of the house without an extra adult (husband or maid) to help with baby.


you sound like you have experience (as you didn't specify, i'm just assuming) with babies so if you re-read her post, you'll see that she's not even ready to go out with her baby. i remember what it was like. i had to be brave enough to venture out alone with my baby before i was brave enough to go out alone without baby, to entrust my husband or someone else to babysit while i had some time to myself - it was a scary time when i thought i was losing my life because i didn't really go out with baby but at the same time, i was just as scared/possessive to let someone else look after him, after all, i'm the full-time mum, not someone else. so no, i think the previous answers have not been kicking her down. as you can see, we are all mothers who have been there and understand how hard it is and therefore encouraging her to take a first step.


bayberry, i hope you've taken time to read all our suggestions and take a first steps towards making yourself happy again. happy mum, happy baby!

Dear all, thank you all for your great advices. I'll try my best to have a first step,take my baby for a short walk. I'm just scare and nervous don't what to do if he start to fuss, cry and upset. I live in wan chai area, it is not a great place to raise him, alot of cars, bad air but I'll try to at least take a walk with him for a paper.

Why not join a mother baby group - there was one at the YWCA. A good way to meet some other mothers in the same boat.


You don't have to walk around Wanchai, walk Bowen Road or head to the Botanical Gardens - you often find other Mum's in the playground up for a chat.

Yes, bayberry876, do that, just go for a short walk, maybe about 5-10 minutes and then come home, it is a good start! I remember my first time going out with my b.b, i was having millions of questions in my mind of all the what ifs but it gets better each time i take a step out. Be assured, you are love no matter how you feel about yourself and you are so blessed to have a baby!


Cheer on!

If you're feeling down about never going out, imagine how your baby feels. There's a good mother and toddler group at the USRC, a 10 min walk from jordan station. meets tues and Fri mornings. Go along, meet some other mums, have a chat, cup of coffee, and let your little one play with different toys, and watch all the activity going on around her.

bayberry, I was like you too when I first had my baby. The fact that my daughter was born prematurely didn't help either. We were on a routine and I was terrified that I would upset her routine by bringing her out. And because I was a working mother, I wasn't sure if I could handle her if I took her out on my own. There were lots of self-doubt. I too filled my days with working and coming home just to be with her.


It was a very depressing time for me because I couldn't see my friends and I didn't even have time to myself... even if I tried to make time for myself, I would feel guilty.


However, there will come a point in time, like it has for you where you feel depressed and want a change. Then you will begin to experiment by taking your baby out nearby, then it'll get further and further as the months go by.


I live in NT and I have taken my daughter out to Ocean Park by myself!!! I was terrified initially but I said to msyelf that this is my daughter and if there's one person that can take her ANYWHERE, it has to be me.


The journey from where I live, takes 1.5 hours each direction and I took her (on public transport too - two trains and a bus ride). I brought the WHOLE house in my bag (if you get what I mean) - I brought EVERYTHING. Then when she fell asleep, I had to carry an extra 13kg (meaning her) along with a huge backpack. It was tiring but we had so much fun together. I felt so close to her.... I relaxed a lot too. I had to tell myself this before I started the trip. I told myself that I would not fuss over her or force her to eat during the trip so it wouldn't be stressful for us. It worked.


She didn't want to eat except for 1/3 of a chicken nugget. Okay, that was fine with me. She drank 4oz of milk during the trip (from 10am - 5pm) and didn't want anymore - that was fine too. She lived on water throughout the day - that too was fine. I tried my best not to get so anxious over everything and to just have fun. It really worked.


She's turning 3 and although I still feel comfortable when there's an extra pair of hands to help, I know that I'm capable of taking her anywhere and I have. It's such a wonderful experience for her to explore and for myself too.