Couch potato husband

HI guys,

I have a husband who means well, but is a couch potato and he's not very involved with the kids. He eats breakfast and leaves before they're up. He gets home when they're about to go to bed and he wants to veg all weekend or go to the gym. Any ideas on how i can get him to kick a ball with our kids instead of reading or watching tv? how do i word it without sounding like a nag?Our kids are starving for his attention. He sometimes is grumpy and one of our kids is acting up, hitting and is very resentful, but he doesn't directly tell my husband. My husband sometimes swims with the kids but he doesn't know what they're studying in school or ask them much. My husband is always asking me to get away with him for the weekend without the kids as if he interacts with them tooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's really upsetting me.his father wasn't warm either. sometimes my husband has temper tantrums over nothing. other times he's great, but he doesn't know how much the kids need him

help would be appreciated.

Hi notmeok


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Notmeok - It sounds like to me that your husband is a bit resentful of the kids - in that you probably now give the children alot of the attention that you used to give him when you were dating/first married.


It does sound like he is being selfish and lazy, and he definitely has to make some changes, but maybe how you communicate with him is part of the problem. If you think you can only bring this up by being a nag, then maybe the way you communicate comes across negatively. Think about how you communicate with him.


I would suggest trying to set up a weekend just with him, away from the kids, maybe at a hotel. Bring a little spice back into your marriage then while you are alone and he is relaxed having a good time, bring up in casual conversation your concern about how he deals with the kids. You will probably find your husband will be very open and be willing to change once you've broached the subject. Most fathers I know would make a change if they knew they were deficient in how they deal with their kids.

Notmeok, how old are your kids? Ours are quite small - but here is what we do for example - every sunday pm we take them to the Ocean park (together), Sunday morning - brunch. Sat - something similar - like a swimming pool or a playground. The point is the father comes, always! I am lucky, mine is very - very hands on, mad about our kids. Would it work if you try to organise things for all of you including your husband? Or would he just sulk and prefer to stay home?

My husband can also be quite grumpy and lazy on the weekend. He works so hard during the week and I try to be understanding of that. I try to plan something that he really enjoys and not really centered around the kids (a day at Disney or Ocean Park is not his idea of fun). Usually with the kids and sometimes without. I also make sure that I'm not busy when he's around so that we don't have to deal with household things or problems (things he hates). We like to go exploring around Hong Kong, traveling, a hike to the peak, street markets, brunch, etc. For him flexibility really helps. If I say "we are doing this and this at this time", he gets really upset. But if I say "lets try this!" he much more receptive. I don't suggest things that he sees as being stressful or bothersome.


I also make sure that I make time for just us on a regular basis. Lunch during the week is a good option here because it gives him a break from work and some quality time for us, without disrupting either of our schedules. I think you need to have a good relationship between the two of you before you can successfully start adding other people. Maybe if you make it less about the kids and more about your adult relationship, then you can add more focus to the kids later on.


It does seem communication might be an issue in your case. With my husband sometimes a good talking to does the trick and sometimes I just have to give him space. Everyone is different. Maybe he's not comfortable around the kids all the time, maybe he's just not built that way. Try to find something that your husband has in common with the kids and show him that. Maybe there's something special that they can do together, as their special activity.


Good luck!

my husband recently started his own business so it's all very stressful. when he has to rush work, i don't have a choice to go out as much as possible during the weekends so that he can work in peace. but at the same time, he loves playing with our toddler and makes the effort to spend time with him. so what he does is he handles breakfast every morning, a special daddy time. and weekends, we try to have at least one special outing - lunch, brunch, picnic at the park, etc. i think it's important to change your husband's perception about time spent with your kids. yes, it's extremely tiring, my husband can attest to that but at the same time, he really enjoys bonding with our son.


i hope it works out for you. i understand he needs his own time but perhaps make an arrangement with him that he spends at least one very positive and happy morning or afternoon with the family during the weekends.