Posted by
August18
19 yrs ago
need advice urgently ......just come home&gone on line-
looked at history on the computer as i wanted a website i'd been looking at ,
my boyfriend of 6years has an account on a dating website - he says hes looking for asian girls to date!i cant belive it , i feel so hurt -
how do i confront him on the matter??please help
thankx
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sandydee , how do i pm u ??what should i do ??
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i know i ought too , but i cant
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alk
19 yrs ago
if i were you i wouldn't make a big deal out of it. he probably was just doing it it out of fun. there are so many distractions in life, try to be more broadminded for the sake of long lasting and better relationship.
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sk76
19 yrs ago
"try to be more broadminded for the sake of long lasting and better relationship".
Alk, this would be great if he had mentioned this to his partner before - afterall he has had 6yrs to bring this up!!
Personally, I wouldn't put up with sharing my boyf with anyone. Though, I think u need to discuss why he is doing this & more to the point why he lied for however long he has been trying to date other women.
I sort of agree with cara's point that it does come across as though he is with you just for the sake of having someone and the fringe benefits until he gets a better offer. Must be hard for you but be strong and tell him exactly how he has made you to feel by doing this.
Gud Luck.
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thanks guys - i still havent confronted him ..............i am going to though , i cant ignore it -
my gutt feeling is that he has done it for fun - but i dont agree with his behaviour!!
so i need to find the right time to talk about it
thanks guys tho , it all helps
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missr
19 yrs ago
cara is right...ditch him. you DO NOT need someone like that - why would you want to settle for someone like that? He will not make you happy and you will live a life of doubt. Be strong sister!
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1975
19 yrs ago
You know what you should do? I think you should sign up on the same website, with a different picture and name ofcourse. Then you arrange to hook up with him (using a different email address) and see if he suggests meeting up. You arrive at the date venue about 15-20 minutes late and then if you see him there you know that he was willing to go to the next level with this. If you confront him now before checking it out fully he'd say the following a) he was having a laugh b) he was doing it for a friend.
Whatever you decide to do, you need to be practically and emotionally prepared to make the decisions that you can stand by.
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wish i had read that earlier - just asked him about it- he said he was just doin it for a laugh -and im over reacting!!he has sworn to me there was nothing in it -he was just bored one day&was only seeing what reaction he'd get.he' tells me hes deleted his profile now
i still feel hurt tho-
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thanks girls for all your comments , they have helped -
to sweetbasil - i do have a ring , we got engaged at christmas !!i really dont want to split up with him , but i just feel like he has no respect for me if he is `behaving like this -
i hardly slept last night , its doing my head in - when i was talking to him last night , he got moody with me &said belive what you wanna belive!!
nice!
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This "little" incident is a big red flag. Think about it-- you're feeling pretty badly right now. Who caused that? Does a guy who doesn't want to get caught forget to clear the history on a common computer he uses with his fiance? To me, that says he was asking to be caught-- even if it was to just see what your reaction was, and not thinking about how it might really hurt you. So, why would he want to get caught? Is he getting cold feet? Was it was just a dumb, but hurtful thing, or was he trying to get you to break it off? If you let this slide, it will set the tone for the rest of your life with him, so think carefully about what you are willing to put up with. Will he ever be able to convince you that he was just goofing around? He has planted doubt in your heart, why would he do that? You have got to sort this out before you marry him. You need to tell him this has REALLY upset you, that you feel your trust in him has been violated. Then, BOTH of you need to go to a relationship counselor. It may just take a few sessions, but if he really wants to marry you, he needs to understand how damaging his actions were and make a genuine effort to restore the relationship and earn your trust again. If he's willing to do this to save the relationship, then you can begin to believe he didn't realize how hurtful and stupid this was. For right now-- practicalities do take some precedence. Since you really can't move out or vice-versa, tell him he needs to sleep on the sofa-- you're just not up for sharing a bed with someone you thought you could trust. I'm so sorry this happened to you--
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gwern
19 yrs ago
It's very easy for people to say dump him etc...you obviously love him or you wouldn't be wearing his ring. I've been there! Something similar. If you doubt his story then I would go with that. We have very good intuition (I don't think guys really get that) What's going to happen is you're going to feel insecure about him, wondering what he's up to....if you think he's genuine and believe his story you'll move on together no problem. I chose to ignore my instinct. I knew I should have left but ended up getting married. Nothing changed and I lived most of my marreid life being insecure As it turned out quite rightly so. This is not a nice place to be. If he is a philanderer he will always be one. It's quite possible that he may also twist things around and say that you knew anyway but chose to ignore it. He hid this 'fun' from you for a reason. Do not allow him to 'bully' yo into feeling guilty. Clar the air now. Make a decision and stick with it. if you choose to stay you cannot keep bringing it up and you have to let it drop.
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StefA
19 yrs ago
I totally agree with gwern. You have to decide what type of relationship you want. Before I got married I told my husband if I caught him cheating I would physically hurt him someplace not nice and if he had a problem with that, then we shouldn't get married. The same rule applies to me, so there's no 'SUPRISE' when this kind of thing turns up and it hasn't since we're both fond of our body parts and each others! Agreed gwern. If he's looking enough to register online, he'll do it again. Curiosity can lead men and women into all kinds of trouble. Try and remember who YOU used to be before you became a pair. Don't place all your confidence in your relationship. Look for a new flatmate, break off the engagement and tell him you have half of HK to pick from who would treat you like a princess. There are new sexy arrivals to HK every day and you should keep looking until you find the right person. Plus it sounds like a setup to me. A guy who won't erase internet history? Wanted to get caught........
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Alk: "he probably was just doing it it out of fun."
Most likely out of loneliness. There are plenty of other things to do for fun than setting up an online dating account to meet asian girls for fun.
I think she should dump him if she hasn't by now.
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