Toddler and playschool adjustment

To get my 19 month old tot ready for the arrival of his baby bro in Jan, we have started him in a playschool for 3 mornings a week as we don't have a helper.


School-wise, things are well. No major issue with separation anxiety (touchwood), teachers have commented that he's doing fine and eating well (he takes his lunch there).


But when at home, it's another matter altogether. He's exhausted by the time we get home, which is why I'm currently picking him up at 12pm instead of 12.30pm, which is when school officially ends. He'll have a big nap but still wakes up grumpy and basically have a whiney afternoon, followed by a not too happy bedtime.


I wonder if this is related to him adjusting to the whole idea of going to school - I imagine he's getting lots of stimulation there. Has anyone else encountered a similar experience and how long did it take your child to settle down? Also, is there anything I can do to make him feel better?


Thanks!

HI Wheelymate,


My son is a bit older, 2.5years now but was in two full days of daycare in Australia at 19 months. He took several months to adjust to daycare and to not need constnat one on one attention from the minute he gets home to the time he goes to bed. He can still be very grumpy after waking up from a long nap and can take over 1 hour before he is happy again. The only thing that works is to watch tv and read books with me if he is willing.


It sounds like your son is exhausted from his new experiences at school. It is good that you have started him in preschool a few months before the baby comes so he can settle in.


Even though your son enjoys preschool he is probably still missing the time with you if he is not used to being away from you. I still get this sort of whiney behaviour when my son is tired and feeling like he has not had enough time with me. I am sure you spend lots of time with him but maybe try starting some special activities with him. Maybe quiet ones after preschool would work where he can sit close to you or on your lap while you read. Also when I find my son is getting overwhelmed with too many activities I cut back a bit and spend more time at home doing one on one activities. Maybe trying to make most of his days fairly quiet without too many outings for a while to let him rest and be with you. Hopefully this will help and he will adjust before the baby comes.


good luck

Hi again,

Yes I agrees that it could be more of a struggle than a help if your son is only away for a few hours. When my son was in daycare he didn't need to be there at a specific time which is different than school and once there he was gone for the whole day. It depends on how much travel time you have to get back home again and how organized you can be in the morning. I guess it depends on how he adjusts and how it starts to fit in with your day. It may give you a few hours at home to think without him around and a few hours for him to do really fun things without the baby around. Hopefully you can find a good balance of time with him and time with the baby.

Hi all,


Thanks for the advice. I think I definitely need to give him more attention when he is at home after school and keep the afternoons less hectic on days when he is in school.


We are not questioning our decision to send him to school. The potential issues highlighted by Saikunga, thankfully we won't be facing them, except maybe the pick-up in the afternoon. My husband drops him off in the morning and I pick him up in the afternoon. We run our own business so time is flexible for us so my husband will also handle the pick-up in the first few months after baby arrives.


There isn't an option not to put him in school because I actually need to work part-time. I guess my original thread was a little misleading because it sounds like he's going to school just because of the new baby. It's one of the reasons but not the only one. I just thought that placing him in now instead of waiting until the baby arrives will be less traumatising for him. And so after the baby arrives, I will spend time with the baby when he is in school and we will be hiring a babysitter in for the afternoons to help so that I can work and sometimes leave the baby with the sitter so that I can have special time with my son. As we feel very strongly about having a live-in helper at home, we will not be having one.

Hi


It sounds like you have it worked out. He will adjust and it is a good idea that you have him start before the baby arrives. It gives you some time before you have two and he won't feel put out to start when things change at home. If you don't have to drop off or pick up for a while that will be helpful. I found it easier when our baby was younger becuase she would sleep anywhere and now find it harder to pick up my son when the baby sleeps the best at home.


I currently live in Australia but will move to Hong Kong in January and also will not have a live in helper so it is good to hear others feel the same way. Spending time with your son after school and then occasionally with just the two of you after the baby arrives will help everyone. He will benefit from some time with others at school. It sounds like a well rounded situation. Good luck

Give him lots of love and cuddles when he gets home, actually physical contact and your undivided attention. He may seem like he is doing okay, but at that age, he really can't totally understand that you are coming back for him later. It's pretty confusing to be a wee one!