Posted by
111111
18 yrs ago
A woman at 36, still single. Recently got to know a guy who she has no interest at all. But can she refuse to get along with him? Family will blame her, Mom will ask " what on earth are you doing there? you are 36 now, still no family, no house, no good stable job, why not get married asap?" friends won't understand, this guy's income is not bad, has a new apartment, his job is not bad,etc, what else do you want? People around her will think her in a nasty way" Look, that is the 36 single old lady". On the advertisements of job market, many companies said" only married women, after birth can apply for this job.". She is not rich, has no successful career, not business woman, not a busy professional, only an ordinary staff in a company, without strong background, what is the hell for her to be single?She should at least get married, then with husband, with house, with child, and maybe with security of life,etc. She is 36 now, and 40 is approaching, 40, what a frightening number!!! But can she has the right to say" I am just wanting to feel the love, feel the interest, feel the attraction"???
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sk76
18 yrs ago
Is this supposed to be a rhetorical question??
Of course a women has a right to be alone/in relationship/whatever... no matter what her age may be.
I just don't get this thing where it is assumed you must be married/attached with a house, child, career by a certain age. Codswallup!
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Aruru
18 yrs ago
Yes, if the woman in question is classified as an adult. Of course, whether the rest of the family sees the woman as a independent adult with a life of her own is another thing. Reduce your contact with these people who would prefer you married and as miserable as hell than happily living your life the way you want.
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Meems
18 yrs ago
Freedom is priceless, you don't have to listen/follow any"rules". I am in the same situation as you and my parents are always nagging at me to find a man, buy a flat, save more money, invest, blah blah blah. They are just worried and it is normal for parents to worry about their child. Take it as it comes and don't force yourself into a relationship, just because of the pressure from the ppl around you.
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it really depends...... whose happiness is more important - yours or theirs.
probably their actions are borne out of their own frustrations and insecurities in life that they impose their unrealized dreams on someone else like yours. are you willing to live the life they had wanted for themselves?
when they are dead, you could realize that you have wasted a lot of your years just pleasing them and living in their shadow and living a life dictated by them.
live your own life and be happy for it . if other people can't be happy for what you are and for the life you chose - then let them wallow in their own misery
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eifu
18 yrs ago
Never marry if you don't love the man. I would find impossible to live with someone I don't love!
Much better to be alone that to be with the wrong person.
Send to hell whoever wants to rule your life!
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Yes, a woman has a right to say no at 36, and at 26, and at 16, and at 46, and 56, and 66...and all other ages. Does that same woman, at 42, after being pressured to marry a man she has no interest in at all, having 'secured' a life only to find out it is one in which she is miserable, having put her needs, wishes, and desires behind her husband's and her parents' and her society's, does she have anything of value at all?
Your question implies that you have accepted--or are at least considering accepting--the grotesque idea that a woman, of any age, is a second class citizen here only for the comfort of others, and with no ability to decide for herself.
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Thank you for your replies.
yes, I am conflicting in my mind, and I feel confused. I know if I refused that guy who was introduced to me by my previous colleague, she would never care for my personal questions because she thought I am a strange person, thinking something unrealistic. And everytime when I heard people talking about age, or some unmarried single women in an unfriendly way, I feel wanting to flee away.And I want to change my job, but I am worrying about being asked" Are you married"? I even think I will say I am divorced rather than admitting I am single until 36. In my heart I know it will be very unhappy if I live with someone I don't love, but I am feeling the pressure. maybe I am just not strong enough or no confidence of myself, so that I feel so lost.
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there is an article on hk standard today nov. 13th (you can also see it online) about forced marriages in britain, and how the guy was emotionally blackmailed by his mother to marry someone he does not love.
it may be a different country, a different culture but bottomline is it's the same... don't let anyone force you to a marriage you are not going to be happy about.
and most importantly, do not let anyone emotionally blackmail you to a marriage you don't want either.
you have a choice!
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Thank you all, I will try my best to find a balance.
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Just let it be. If you get married asap, then you will have good chance to get divorced asap. You have lived on yourself for the past 36 years. Why cannot you live your life by yourself for another one or two 36 years?
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