Posted by
hkjazz
18 yrs ago
I've just moved to Hong Kong and I'm wondering how any of you ever met anyone. I've been here a month and I'm a stay at home mum which limits my social scene quite a bit but from what I 've observed people seem to be settled in their own little cliques and don't seem to be interested in new people at all. I would've thought my immediate neighbourhood would have been a good place to start but the amount of effort the other expats in my neighbourhood make to not make any eye contact with you is astonishing! It would seem to take less effort to just look at me and smile at least. I've lived overseas before but haven't encountered this kind of thing before. I'm very discouraged and would love some advice on how to infiltrate the social scene. I thought I might meet some people taking my daughter to the playground but only seem to be meeting helpers. Who are lovely but not what I'm after friendship wise.
Advice anyone? Surely we were all new once....why so unfriendly???
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I would advise joining some groups and going along to some meetings.
American Womens Club is for all nationalities, the ladies are very friendly and there are numerous get togethers for all different interests/ages.
Australian Association - hikes/book club/majong/coffee mornings etc etc
YWCA - lots of interesting lectures/talks with the english speaking members department. They also run a newcomers intro. group.
Invite other kids over for a playdate and suggest Mum comes along for a coffee.
With all the comings and goings in HK it can be hard to know who is new in your building, so people can be reluctant to approach you in case you've been in HK forever!
I organise a coffee group Southside. I will send you a pm with my details.
I have to admit I found people here very open to new friendships, but most of those I have met have been newcomers also and hence in the same boat as myself (2 yrs ago).
Good luck.
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sk76
18 yrs ago
When I first arrived in HK (not that long ago), I also thought it strange that noone ever made eye contact either. I found that most expats went about their own business and the locals just looked at me weirdly. It does take a while to make friends but just hang in there:)
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hkjazz, I understand everything you are talking about. I'm lucky that my daughter is at school, so there was at least a small outlet, but even then I didn't meet other mums immediately, even though the school was swarming with expat women. They stayed in their little clique groups and I felt like such an outsider (I also refused to dress for an evening out just to pick up my child). I'm now lucky I have made a couple of nice friends through school, but those women who wouldn't say boo to me when I arrived still haven't spoken to me and I really don't care. These mightier than thou women who choose friends by their husband's job level/role/income or how much designer (real or fake!) labels they wear are not worth the effort. Their entire existence over here is shrouded in the expat cape and these sorts of people would never think to go beyond the shopping centres and take in the culture that is out there. One thing I did learn since arriving is that you have to be proactive and quite often make the first move. If you are shy like me making friends it's quite daunting, but I did make the first move going up to someone and in return my now good friend was relieved because she was too shy to make the first move. Out of that a lovely friendship is borne. Good Luck and if you need to vent just pm me.
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cd
18 yrs ago
To HKjazz, just out of curiosity, where are you living?
There is a very nice parent and toddler group at the USRC, (united services recreation club), 1 Gascoigne rd, Jordan. Its open 9.30 to 11.30 tues and fridays. Very informal. Pay as you go, nice outdoor play area. Helpers are not allowed so you will only meet other parents, mostly mums. Mums come from all over including DB, Clearwater Bay, Sai Kung.
the reason I asked where you live is because after 10 years in HK, I've definately noticed a difference between the type of expats that live on the Island and those that live in Sai Kung or New territories. Its very much more laid back off the island, much more flip flops than Prada, and personally I think more welcoming..
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Hi HKjazz, I have sent you a PM (private message.)
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cd, I agree with you. I live in Kowloon and I also have noticed the difference. Sorry to barge in on the thread again, but do parents with older children (mine is 4.5) go to the USRC? Is it like a club you join and can go for dinner or get togethers, etc. Thanks
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Neenib you asked exactly what I was thinking. My oldest is 4.5 and doesn't start school/kindy till January so I find I can't join in with quite a lot of playgroups as I can't take my oldest with me.
BTW thanks for all the great replies! Encouraging to know that not everyone's encased in the expat bubble.
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I understand what you mean about the playgroups, I had the same problem when we arrived in June, it just seems to be more geared towards the mums with bubs. I had to wait until my daughter started school in 3rd term (start of August), so I understand that you are feeling lonely, it's really hard when you don't have the means to get out on your own or have adult conversations until your husband gets home and that's usually so late you're too tired anyway! What area do you live in? When school starts, you will be suprised how much more it was open up doors.
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Hi,
Have sent you a pm
Cheers,
Sam
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cd
18 yrs ago
To neenib and HKjazz, the USRC is a private club with a restaurant, swimming pool and other sporting facilities but you do not need to be a member to go to the playgroup. Its open to any child until they start school, so although mainly up to3 years old, occassionally they've hasd kids up to 5. And certainly in the holidays there are several older kids as some of the mums still take along their older kids that used to go. It would be fine for a 4.5 year old as there is a nice outside play are with swings and a climbing frame.
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Have you tried the YWCA on Macdoanld Road, 3476 1340. They run an at home course that is designed for people who are new to Hong kong. it is a great place to meet other newomers. Theealso run lot of courses that are quite good.
Good luck with the settling in process. Do give us a call on 28155444 if we can give you advice in anything. We have a larg data base that we use to help people in hong kong and we are always happy just to chat on the phone to you.
Take cara
Helen
Community Advice Bureau
Community advcie Bureau.
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Further to Helen's message. We have a free of charge booklet "Settling into Hong Kong" which has lots of info you may find useful. If you contact us I can pop one in the post to you. Meanwhile, on a personal level, I know how you feel. When I arrived I was heavily pregrant, finally started making friends when number 1 was one and I could join a mother and toddler group.
Good luck and I'm sure you'll find lots of friends soon.
Nicci at CAB
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