Posted by
09876
18 yrs ago
What should a woman do... when her husband has no interest in her sexually?? The only time they had sex is when he wanted kids and tried to get her pregnant. After two kids he has not touched her. And she is above average looking gal.....could the guy be gay.....and it is a marriage of convenience...The obvious answer is she should leave him....but there are two little kids involved. What are your thoughts????? Need good advice to help this woman.......Thanks
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She should leave.that's not the relationship,no love.
No one nees to stay in relatioship just because of kids.Kids need to have a parent who are in love,balanced sexual life not just securities.
Reason he has no intereset could be many factors but no matter what they do have problems.If they can't talk over this issue I think she just wasting her time for someone who is not suitable for marriage.
Kids should not be a reason to compromise her own happiness.
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09876
18 yrs ago
I will clarify few things.....he has never been interested in her sexually...even prior to marriage....but somehow she hoped things would change. He doesn't like to talk about his lack of interest in her sexually.....and his reply usually is that he doesn't need sex as much as other guys and there is more to a relationship than sex. That is why i think he may be gay....he might be getting a bit on the side..
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kids are very smart and intuitive. even though you stay in the marriage "for the sake of the kids" - they will know and sense that something is going on, and that the parents are unhappy, and the situation in the family unit will be very tense.... so in the end they will be more unhappy.
better pull them out of that situation, it will cause them a lot of grief for sure at the beginning but once they settle in and see the mother in a happier situation, they will adapt and feel secure, be loved and will be happy even without the other parent.
it's like a time bomb waiting to explode. the kids will be hurt even more when the situation gets out of hand in the future.
leave the kids out of the equation. it her happiness and her life. kids will adapt
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eifu
18 yrs ago
I think you should go and ask the advice of an expert "in advicing", like a psychologist, to whom you can describe well the whole situation.
If you really do not want to seek the advice of an "expert" then talk to your husband. Force him to talk about it and tell him what you feel. Never give up on your marriage before you have tried in every possible way to save it. I am catholic and I believe a marriage is for ever in bad and good and also, if for you is not like this, you should at least try as much as you can to make it work. Tell your husband you do not accept a "I don't want to talk" as an answer.
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09876
18 yrs ago
I agree with you.....my friend has asked her husband to go to counselling....but he doesn't want to.....he thinks it is a waste of time. And she has been trying fix things between them. When she has asked to talk about the lack of sex....he has said this is how i am...you just have to accept it. They have been married for 10years. I think she has tried her best....don't you.
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marriage is a two way street. apparently there is a breakdown in the communication between the two, and the other partner has already shut down his systems on the matter.
counselling won't help or be effective because the other partner is already deadset on what he is and that he won't do anything about it. maybe she should seek counselling on her own so that she can move forward.
and pleassse. can we keep god and religion out of this!
she is not going to win the best wife/mother award if she sticks with the husband just because she belongs to a certain religion who does not permit divorce/separation, and that her foremost obligation is to stay in the marriage for the sake of her religion and her husband and the so called vows she took.
her obligation is to herself and for the kid's welfare period.
she shouldn't suffer in silence until she drops dead !
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eifu
18 yrs ago
Dear Wiz Bang,
Free to keep religion and God out of your life, but please let the others do and say what they think. Is religion and God banned from this Forum?!
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no its not banned and i respect your religion, and as you should do others.
let's keep discussions here non-denominational and let's not preach our religions on others.
and lastly as i said don't use religion as a reason.
its all im saying
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09876
18 yrs ago
Dear Wiz Bang
Thankyou so much for your message. I was really pleased to read your thoughts....cause this is exactly what i think....it is like you took the words out of my mouth.
My friend hasn't got the strength to move on....she doesn't want to leave her comfort zone. She understands the situation as well.....that she should do what is best for her and be happy. Like you said at the moment she is suffering in silence. I pray that she finds the inner strength soooooon. Thankyou to everyone for their messages.
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eifu
18 yrs ago
Dear Wiz Bang,
In case you didn't read well my e-mail, I said "I am catholic and I believe a marriage is for ever". I used "I"! So please do not preach your views to me!
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eifu
18 yrs ago
Cara,
I have never said people get married thinking to divorce, but if you think:"once I am married there is no way out", then first you try to be very careful before you get married and then you do your best to make things work".
I have been married for a very short time (7 years) and so I am no expert. All I know is that sometimes it is difficult to make a marriage work even if you were madly in love when you got married.
I know quite a number of people (not famous people) divorcing after 1 or 2 years of marriage. One couple in particular got married after leaving together for many years and then got divorced after 9 months! I don't know what his job was, but she had a green grocery shop in very small village.
Anyway I do not even think everyone should believe in what I believe. The world is beautiful because it is free. And because it is free I have the right to say "I am catholic" without being asked to leave religion out of the discussion.
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eifu
18 yrs ago
Enough, I wrote here to try and it went bad. I am not able to talk of personal issues in a FORUM. Sorry. I give up!
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good friends give their honest advise, suggestions and opinions but does not expect the receiver to take action based on their advise.
if it were me, i would like good friends to be honest with me, give me insights and to tell me what their course of action is if they were in my situation.
but ultimately and definitely, whatever action or decision i make on the matter would be based on my own judgement, and i wouldn't expect my friend to make a decision for me and vice versa
no one can make decisions for a person, and it is up to the person to make his own decisions and to take action based on whatever they think is appropriate.
if i want a friend who just listens... i might as well talk to the wall
if i want a friend just to comfort me....i might as well get a dog
and if i want a friend who will just listen and comfort me.... i would still get a dog !!!
my two cents.
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and my post said - i would want my friends to be open and honest with me and give me their insights and also what course of action they should take even if it means they would resort to divorce, separation or stay together
advise is advise whether good or bad. advise is meant is a good way for one to see and assess all sides of the coin or all sides of the picture. sometimes the picture has a dark side, and sometimes the picture has a bright side. and sometimes the person couldn't see the other side of the picture, and friends' may see that side of the picture that one cannot see. advise whether good or bad is a good way to gather information and lay everything down on the table.
one should be mature enough to be open and listen to what other people have to say. it does not mean that they have to have to follow them.
ultimately, as i said in my post again if you read correctly. the decision would be up to the person based on his or her OWN judgement. so we have no conflict there, ya?
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Along side to all the big advice u have got...I also recommend get his HIV test done....your too if u have been active with him even once in the last 6-8 months.
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