Posted by
etanebay
18 yrs ago
Hi all, I don't know if my experience with locals is unique, but I'm sure you will let me know -
I have found HK locals to be nice, friendly and fun to dine with. But I have never been invited into their homes, which is something that I'm used to in the West. Does anyone know why? (I don't smell, by the way). Should I try to weasel an invite? Is there an unwritten rule governing this, and so should I not invite friends home either?
I read that this is because HK flats are so small - but that's true in other densely populated cities like London and Singapore too, where visiting homes is more common.
Would appreciate any input and to hear of your experience.
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It is just not part of Hong Kong culture to invite people to your home. Most Hong Kongers are probably a bit ashamed of the small size of their flats, and conscious that most (maybe all) expats live in bigger surroundings.
Remember that up until 30 plus years ago, the vast majority of Hong Kongers were living in tiny public housing flats with shared bathrooms, and no kitchens. So people got used to spending a lot of time outside their little dwellings, always eating and entertaining in restaurants, and always going out somewhere, either to shop, or for a hill-walk, on holidays.
Maybe in years to come, the local culture will become more receptive to in home entertaining. In the meantime, accept things the way there are .. you are not going to change the culture.
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aemom
18 yrs ago
Some of my colleagues have worked together for 30 years and consider each other good friends, but have never been to each other's homes.
It's a HK thing. I have always been invited to homes in China - no matter how small and humble they may be.
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It is a cultural thing and has got nothing to do with size of the apartment or similar(many locals probably live in apartments much bigger than you imagine).
It also depends on the quality/closeness of your relationship - I do get invited over to my local friends occasionally, but not nearly at the rate as I would in Europe/the US.
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Hmmmm, I think it has a bit to do with it but not everything. I've been in Gov't housing and they are not all the shoeboxes that older places were. FIL lives in one and it was bigger that the first 2 appts I was in here, I'd have to say a good 550sq/ft for 4 people and that estate is around 30 years old.
Most of our friends, who are predominately local, never do house invites and they are all in either privately rented or bought apartments. Mind you they come round our place at the drop of a hat if we invite them!
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That's local culture for you, they like to know about you, but divulge little about themselves. The small size of apts do have something to do with not inviting ppl over, but also, inviting someone into your home is seen as very intimate and personal and a lot of local ppl, as friendly as they might be, still will not let you cross that line. Also Asian culture is very much about appearances. So whatever you see is what they want you to see, but if you go to their home, whatever facade they have maintained may be shattered. Another reason could just be they can't be bothered to clean up before and after guests. The preparation before you arrive is to do with keeping up appearances, and the cleaning up after you leave is just a bother. Local ppl are much more likely to arrange for a group gathering in a restaurant or other outside venue.
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Thanks for the interesting replies. In response to an earlier post: No, I've never been inside any flat in HK that isn't my home or the home of fellow expats. So I have no idea how small they are. Yes, the locals do come visit happily, and up until now I've found the absence of the reciprocal invite puzzling.
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Cara: You are missing the point. It is not about whether many people in Hong Kong live in small apartments – a lot of them do (BTW, not all of them “locals”, but that is a different discussion).
Instead, the point was that it is culture/customs that results in fewer invitations to people’s homes compared to Europe/US, rather than the size of the apartment.
Two very different statements.
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momo1
18 yrs ago
I was born in HK but grew up in Aust so I do understand a bit of both the local and western ways. Cara and kaileyb are both correct and their opinions are related to each other. The bigger the apartment the wealthier you are, so most people don't want you to see how small or unfurnished their apartments are because it shows how much they have. It is all about losing face!
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I am a very multicultural local who was living and traveling overseas for 7 1/2 years and I studied international studies/global culture. I am completely with Cara, Kaileyb and Momo1. One thing to add is locals do visit each other's flat during Chinese New Year, occasionally Dragon Boat Festival & Moon Festival, and tough times related to an illness of someone or family affairs, but in most cases it happens ONLY amongst family members, close relatives, or life-long buddies.
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It is okay not to eat everything. However, it is definitely NOT okay to eat all the rice/noodles which come at the end of the banquet/meal, because that is a sign that you did not get enough real food to eat.
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Just because something is in a tv commercial does not make it acceptable behaviour.
For confirmation, check out a few tv commercials.
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