How do I help my 3 year old cope?

My 3 year old sits beside a 4 year old girl called YY on the bus. They have been the best of friends since September.


Recently however, YY has found a new friend her age. Since then, she's started to flick my little girl off when my little girl tries to hold her hand and she's pushed my little girl twice when my little girl tries to play with her. YY's mother also said to me that YY has something to complain to me about and the complaint was that my little girl digs her nose and eats it.


I can see that my little girl is very upset because YY is suddenly cruel to her and I was going to let it be until YY pushed her the second time so I had to take my little girl aside to explain that pushing isn't right and that she should look for someone else to play with if YY doesn't want to play with her.


DH tells me that yes, I should interfere if there's violence and YY's mother does nothing to stop it but other than that, our little girl should learn to cope on her own.


My question is, what should I say to her to help her cope?


Having experienced this the first time, my heart breaks to see what's happening and I'm not quite sure what to say to my little girl.


Any advice? Thanks.

Dear May C

I feel for you, it's v hard to see our childrn rejected by others and miserable.

I agree with Saikunga, try and invite other children over for playdate or to meet at the playground. See if you can get the busmother to sit your child with her new friends.

It's very sad she probably is very hurt by her friend's change of attitude, but if the friend's mum doesn't help and come up with such ridiculous comments, there's nothing you can do to rebuild the relationship.

Girls thend to get infatuated with their new friends, and reject their old ones, it's up to parents to teach "fidelity" in friendship, but obvioulsy that's not the case with YY's mum.

Good luck!

Girls can be very mean and when there are 3 girls it is very often two against one.

Definitely time for new friendships...

Dear May C


I have a daughter who is now 4 and has been thru something similar abt 3-4 mths back The sad part was she could not understand why the elder child was rejecting her.


She loves listening to bedtime stories and I made up a story abt 2 best friends (one being my child say A and the other being the elder child or a name similar sounding say B) . They were closest friends and did everything together A and B were very thick...one day however another girl C came to their school. And then B only wanted to play with C. Whenever A went to play with them they would not include her in their games. A used to feel very bad but it wasn't her fault....Slowly A made new friends and started having fun with them. A realised that there were many other things she could do without B and there were many other children she could play with


Then one day C came and told everyone that her family was moving to Switzerland (or some other exotic locale)....now B was very worried since she knew she would have no friends..... so she came to A and said lets play together again and lets be best friends.....however by this time A knew that B could be a friend but not a good friend since good friends never hurt each other and ignore each other. So A used to play with B since she dint want to hurt her but she was never her best frnd again. And A was a very lucky girl since she had sooooo many friends now


This story really helped my daugher cope and she understood the difference between casual friends and best friends. She also learnt to understand that if someone ignores you its not that they are mean, its just that they are not ur good friends since good friends dint hurt one another. Also she came to realise that having only one friend is not necessarily the best


Maybe u can try this - it worked for us and she is one smily confident and friendly child.

Mummy2time, thank you. Flashback is right, you're little story is really sweet. Thanks to all for your advices too, they've been very helpful.


Mummy2time, I didn't see your response until this morning.


When I went back to see my little girl at my lunch break, I used your story. At the end of the story, she said, "Mummy, is she like YY?", to which I replied yes. Then I named all her other friends who loved playing with her (my little girl) and I told her that she doesn't have to play with YY. I then said one day YY's friend may end up going to Sydney and YY will have no friends. I heard from YY's mother too that YY's so-called new friend "Jenny" has abandoned her too so YY is now having to sit with someone else.


My little girl went to school happier today.


I was all teary-eyed when she left. My little girl has to learn how to deal with her own problems without mummy protecting her - sometimes it's so hard to believe that the tiny baby I once cradled in my arms is growing up.


Thank you so much, everyone for your input. I'm learning to let go too.