My 3 year old doesn't want to learn her abc's

My little girl is 3 years and 3 months. She started K1 last September.


We've just received a letter from her school saying that she will be having her assessments in the middle of this month where she will be tested on her abcs, her numbers and her Chinese characters (she's in the local stream).


I've always been easygoing when it comes to her schooling. I've thought nothing of it, apart from it being a place where she can interact and play with other kids. Now I've been told that she'll be assessed.


I've tried teaching her the abcs but she is just not interested. She looks bored when I go through her abcs with her and she often looks away (eg. she'll change the topic or she'll say, "Enough mummy. I want chocolates now".


The majority of her friends know their alphabets and numbers. Even her 2.5 year old cousin can read number plates. I'm so worried that she's behind in her learning. I said I wouldn't pressure her the way others parents pressure their kids but it's really hard to ignore it when others around her know their alphabets. She can sing it, just can't identify them (except for a-f, with a bit of bribery on my part).


Should I just ignore and let her learn at her own pace? Eg. when she's interested (ignoring the school's assessments) or should I force her into learning (like what I've been trying to do in the past one week - the latter of course stresses both of us out)?


She's got no problems with her Chinese - she remembers ALL the characters (she's even better than mummy) - but she refuses to learn numbers and alphabets.


It doesn't help too that hubby is saying, "Oh, our daughter is very sociable, no doubt about that, but she won't be smart academically". Those that can master these skills at an early age - do they end up smarter than those who can't? It doesn't help too that she's being compared to her cousin in my husband's Chinese family.

Agree with Saikunga and his/her excellent suggestions.


Kids WANT to learn and have an almost uncanny ability to do so. It's in their genes. But their minds work in very quirky ways compared to an adult. If we as adults try to steer their learning too much into what we see as learning (structure etc) they often just rebel.


It's hard as a parent to understand that a young child will learn faster if they just go at their own pace and in their own seemingly whacky order. Just make sure they have an environment that is conducive to learning. Also remember to set a good example. For example if you read all the time your child will pretty soon also want to hold a book, then understand the book.



"It doesn't help too that hubby is saying, "Oh, our daughter is very sociable, no doubt about that, but she won't be smart academically"."


That sort of comment is not very helpful. I get mad just reading about it. Make sure he never ever says such a thing where your daughter can hear it. Hearing that they're too dumb to learn is a surefire way to make it happen.


Seriously if I said something like that in front of my daughter my wife would give a serious and well deserved dressing down.

Saikunga, thank you. Your idea of turning it into a game worked. I started writing one alphabet on an A4 paper, then stuck them to the ground. From the letters a-m. I opened a packet of chips (I was desperate but will use stickers next time) and gave her a bowl. I said to her that for each letter she gets "right", she can have a potato crisp to put inside her bowl. Then I said, "To get a crisp, go to the letter 'i' etc" and she did. Each time she got it wrong, I wouldn't give it to her and I'd say, "Try again and I'll give it to you". It worked like a charm. I think she knows them now. I don't know if she knows them if we hold up one alphabet and asks her to name it... but if you say which one is "j" for example, she can point to it. I'm happy with her progress for now so I'll try not to push it. Thank you all so much.


I still have upper case letters and numbers to go!


Cara, you're right, it's only kindergarten. I'm trying to tell myself that everyday too... but it gets harder when other kids her age know them all. I know the dangers of comparing and I'm trying not to but it is VERY hard. It was easy in theory, I said I wouldn't pressure my kids before I had mine... but then to ignore society's pressure is proving very difficult. I will try, however, I've read enough to know how damaging it is for a kid to have a parent with high expectations.


I think the next time my husband or anyone from his family says anything negative about my daughter again, I will put them in the right place. His mother even had the nerve to say to me, "I'm worried about her learning. She seems to be going backwards in her learning" just because her other grandson can read car number plates at the age of 2.

"MayC, my boy isn't in kindie yet... he's almost 3. you should see the looks on people's (locals) faces when they find out that he doesn't go to school!"


Lol. You clearly aren't fulfilling your parental duties. Kidding. In Sweden kids start school at 7 and pre-school is mostly play until 4 or 5. They still turn out all right. Trying to over-engineer your kids is a modern disease...



Don't worry too much. Kids know what they're doing. It's clueless relatives and parents that tend to screw them up. No pressure. ;)

"the kids are great....the parents.....it's really the parents that need the education in many instances."


So true. Kids can make mistakes but it takes a parent to really screw up by the numbers.


A fun example. When my wife taught swimming to really small kids the first thing she did at the start of the lesson was tell the parents to get lost and come back at the end. :)