Toddler hating cot after holiday

We recently had a 2 week trip to the US, during which our 18 month old refused to sleep in the travel cot (crib), and unfortunately the problem has travelled home with us! She'll only sleep next to me. Anybody got any tips on how to get back to normal after holidays?


We are still breastfeeding but before the trip she was able to go to sleep by herself. Now she needs to breastfeed to sleep if I'm around. If I'm out, our helper can put her to sleep in the cot, but if me or my husband try it she screams hysterically! (She only whinges momentarily when our helper does it.) We have been sleeping together on the sofabed in the guestroom but I would dearly like her to go back in her cot again. Unfortunately I think our trip coincided with the peak separation anxiety stage.


She normally sleeps in the same room as her 4 year old sister. Her sister went to a toddler bed at 18 months old when she refused to sleep in her cot, but we then spent several months having to lie next to her for increasing lengths of time (sometimes over an hour) to get her to sleep, so would prefer to avoid doing that again!

Well, what does she do when she refuses? Cry? That's solvable in the traditional way.

- Let her cry in the bed/crib for 8 mins.

- Go in quietly and pat/kiss her so she knows you're there. Don't linger.

- Exit.

- Repeat as needed.


You're in charge, not her. It seems cruel but it does work. It's just tough on parents and kids for a while. And perhaps sister is not so impressed, but guessing your 4 year old goes to be later?


Don't pick her up. That indicates the crib/bed is a place to be rescued from.

Also as you say at 18 months it may be time to go to a bed since they can climb out and hurt themselves. Our daughter went to a bed with detachable low railings at 15 months.

She has gone through a lot of trauma with the trip. You might want to move her VERY gradually out again. Here's an idea. Put the cot beside your bed and start her in your bed, then move her over into the cot. Baby steps...there's no hurry. Reassure her that Mummy and Daddy are there for her. The cot can start moving away from the bed and down the hall in time. Maybe just go with the flow for a bit before starting this procedure.


What if you have a double mattress in your older daughter's room? Would she be happy sleeping with a BIG girl like her? My daughters thought that was GREAT at that age.


And do check out Elizabeth Pantley's pages. Good info there.


Hang in there...your baby will settle down soon. Lots of love and encouragement.


cheers from Ruth

Thanks guys! I'm not a fan of controlled crying generally, plus my elder daughter is usually even more tired than the younger one at bedtime so I can't delay her bedtime too long (I have a feeling our toddler would need more than a couple of 8min crying sessions). Incidentally, our older daughter had hernias which popped up when she cried and caused pain to add to her crying... these were only diagnosed around 16 months old. You can understand how that experience might have increased my aversion to controlled crying.


I wish we had enough space in our apartment to have extra mattresses lying around in order to try Ruth's ideas! Currently there is only about half a metre between each child's bed, and no space for a cot adjacent to either double bed.

I already have the Pantley book and will relook at it, if nobody has borrowed it as usual!

"I'm not a fan of controlled crying generally,"


I'm not a fan of any crying, controlled or not. ;) Jokes aside, I see your point of course.


It depends on your kid. Our older daughter has had a stubborn streak for as long as we can remember. Letting her get it out of her system with a little tantrum has been the only practical solution for these situations really. She goes through periods, the latest one being around 24-25 months. In the end she has learned that some things are not negotiable. Our aim is not to make her into some kind of obedient robot, but she needs to understand that she is not the center of the Universe. There have been times when she has been so stubborn and angry and we have had to leave the room because it's so cute.


"I have a feeling our toddler would need more than a couple of 8min crying sessions"


When our older was 8 months she set the record at 5x 8minutes. Longest 45 minutes of our lives. It tapered off after that and mostly she just fell asleep without arguing.



"Incidentally, our older daughter had hernias which popped up when she cried and caused pain to add to her crying... these were only diagnosed around 16 months old. You can understand how that experience might have increased my aversion to controlled crying."


Ouch. Well as I said it depends on the child. It's always a fine line.

Turns out my toddler has more than an aversion to the cot but a serious virus... poor little mite has blisters all over her tonsils and bottom so she is feeling thoroughly uncomfortable. It's apparently a variant of foot & mouth disease. I look back with fondness for those nights when she would sleep peacefully anywhere ... last night she was awake from 9.30pm to 5.30am with only half an hour nap in between.


I'd prefer to try every other option before controlled crying because how can we ever be sure that they are not crying due to some pain or illness which hasn't been diagnosed yet, even though 9 out of 10 times they are not? I would feel terrible if I put my child through that only to find out they were ill.


It's midnight and tonight has been quiet so far, so fingers crossed she is on the mend!

Poor baby! Hope she gets better son.


However I would still say that once she is well you can't "spoil" your child "just in case" she is sick. That path leads to trouble.

Things are gradually getting better and I've got her into her cot a few times by looking for those "windows" where she's not in the mood to fight going into the cot, where she just whinges for a few minutes as opposed to crying hysterically.


You got me thinking about the "spoiling" issue. I don't think meeting a crying baby's needs necessary lead to spoiling. Once they can communicate fully with us and do things for themselves, that's a different issue. I remember my "spoilt" teenage cousin got upset because his parents wanted to renovate their bathroom and he liked it the way it was, so he refused to do any homework until they dropped the idea. I'm sure when he was a three-year-old, if he got upset when his parents gave him a blue cup and he wanted a red one, they would have given him what he wanted then, too. I believe that giving in to kids' demands which are unreasonable like that can create a "spoilt" child, but I believe separation anxiety in an 18-month-old is natural and normal, although it may feel unreasonable to us in the middle of the night! I would rather ease her out of it gradually if that's possible. But we all get desperate for sleep sometimes!