Posted by
Chalupa
18 yrs ago
Well I’m not sure if I just been paranoid, but yesterday I was waiting for a taxi with my kids
My oldest she is 14 years however she physically still looks like 11, ( or at least that is what she looks tome)
Any way, whilst we were waiting I saw a western guy about late 30’s walking towards us and he was looking at her… but the way he look at her was not normal, even when he was going away he turn back to keep staring at her
I’m sorry to say this but I got furious and I don’t know if my reaction was normal or I have issues, but I definitely didn’t like he look at my girl.
My question is has anyone as a parent had this horrible feeling, for that small issue?
Thanks for your non sarcastic replies
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I have a 5 year old, but I can tell you now that if I thought someone was looking at her like that, I would feel like killing the man! Don't feel bad for feeling protective over your daughter, it's natural instinct and in this day and age, how can you not be suspicious of people? There are some true creeps out there.
Just imagine if your husband was there, what do you think he would do? I know exactly what mine would do!
Try not to dwell on it though, because you will just wind yourself up more and drive yourself crazy. Hopefully you never see this person again.
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You being protective is understandable, but there's not much you can do about the staring. You can't change the man and you can't lock your daughter in the house. At most you can:
- Teach your daughter to report suspicious activity and explain to her about "bad" people.
- Make sure she has a safe environment. I realize the problems with teenagers. You can't keep them 100% safe.
- Keep your cool. Teens love to rebel, so if she knows something makes you angry she may well encourage the attention.
If you see the same man doing the same thing again ask your daughter about him. Has she seen him many times?
BTW Was she wearing short shorts or a miniskirt? Not saying staring is right in any case but some garb is more "inviting" than other garb. Maybe she was garishly dressed and he reacted to that?
"My oldest she is 14 years however she physically still looks like 11, ( or at least that is what she looks tome) "
I am quite certain that when my daughters are teens they will look 11 to me too.
BTW 2: Despite it being wrong, men are frequently attracted to young women, often too young. It's a natural instinct. Good breeding should ensure that such men don't "come out of the closet" (by staring and so forth), if you will. It is societally wrong, not biologically wrong. And even as late as the 1800s, most societies wouldn't have batted an eye at a 14 year old being married, for example. Not excusing the man's behavior. It is very rude. Just saying that some people have poor control over their urges.
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YOU ARE NOT BEING PARANOID.
Go with your instincts. Ask yourself: Why does this guy creep you out, while other people don't? There is something wrong there and you are picking up on it. I know about this from my creepy Uncle doing the same sorts of things to my sister. Keep a close eye on your daughter. Make sure you know her whereabouts at all times. Advise the school, friends and their parents, etc. Hopefully it was just a one time event and you'll never see him again.
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cd
18 yrs ago
Just try and make your daughter be aware of who's around her at all times. Unfortunately staring in HK is a daily occurance. My son gets stared at constantly as he is not 'normal', I hate it and occassionally have said something to the person. My daughter, very attractive blonde, gets stared at all the time on the MTR etc, I've noticed it many times when I've been on the train with her. When she was younger I really wanted to say something but didn't. Sometimes I've asked her not to wear low cut tops etc because of the staring, she says people stare whatever she's wearing. She just ignores them or stares back which usually makes them look away. But agree if its one particular guy that you've seen more than once, then keep a close eye on these, but I would say that its something she's going to have to get used to in HK.
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Agreed about the blonde thing. It's no huge deal with HKers but going to places where many mainlanders congregate, such as Ocean Park, is a bit of a challenge with our two year old. There's posing for pictures, pulling towards strangers for hugs, touching of the hair (steam coming out of my ears).
I know we are guests here and that the concept of privacy is much weaker here, but I would like to pose the following question: Is this really something that the Chinese would find all right if the object of attention were not a foreign girl? That is, would it be ok to grab, stare at or touch a Chinese child in the same way? I can't help but wonder if she's less worthy of respect since she's foreign.
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Well first of all thanks for your replies.
this particular case is an isolated, people look at her but she is Physically 11 really, skinny legs and petite, she isn’t blond (Latino look) some times mistaking by south east asian..
I never saw this person before. The point is that that guy really freak me out... because he was a white guy and keep staring at her, and she was dressing up very simple short skirt (skinny legs) cotton tights and long jacket
.
Axpatgy.. I find a bit rude that you said to lock her inn the house is I don’t want people staring at her, if you have a girl at any age if some one looking at her is the wrong way for sure you will have that feeling.
Is normal for guys to stare, (yes it is) but is sick when old guys stare a kids on that way
Specks: thanks for the advice, (I’m a single mom) might be that is way I over protect them and I work full time that
Info Seaker: you are right; we can never been careful enough with kids
Cd: actually I try to have a good communication link with my kids…and I have seen people at the MTR staring at us but the way is different, I felt that they staring with curiosity because we are different, but the man was staring with malice …
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"Axpatgy.. I find a bit rude that you said to lock her inn the house is I don’t want people staring at her."
Please read my post again. I have read it three times now and I'm pretty certain I never said that.
"if you have a girl at any age if some one looking at her is the wrong way for sure you will have that feeling"
Of course I would feel like that.
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Well sorry axpatguy about the reply, since I'm just at work cant take very long to read
Agree with you... the only thing is that she dont even noticed...
I was the only one seen what happen..
but ofcourse I'll put allof them to lear some self defense
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May I suggest the excellent book "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)" by Gavin de Becker. His book "The Gift of Fear" is one I also recommend to women.
It's not about making you more anxious but you already have good instincts and this will help you to know what to do with them.
From Amazon Review:
De Becker's aim is to create awareness of potential dangers and provide parents with the knowledge necessary for prevention and control. As he emphatically states in Protecting the Gift, much of this knowledge is already hard-wired in the form of intuition: "This natural ability is deep, brilliant, powerful. Nature's greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is stunningly efficient when its host is at risk, but when one's child is at risk, it moves to a whole new level, one we can justifiably call miraculous." The trick, he stresses, is trusting and acting on intuition.
BTW, you must be very young if a male in his late 30s is an 'old man'! LOL
Seriously though, please consider this book and protect your gift.
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Hi Claire,
thanks for the tip, I'll look fo rthe book
I didnt mean to said 30sh is old I meant
Older but old to check on 14 years old
since I'm 30's myfelf .
pelase guys don't get offended for everything I say, as you can tell I'm not native english speaker...
cheers
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Ed
18 yrs ago
Please hit Report Abuse if any sarcastic replies are missed - we will ban the account
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"Agree with you... the only thing is that she dont even noticed...
I was the only one seen what happen.."
Most people are rather oblivious to their surroundings. If not self defense, at least learning about situational awareness is a good thing. Always observe, always analyze. Apart from police, security or military training, I can't think of any particular classes.
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I would suggest that before any self defense class, you talk with your daughter about what she should say and how she should react if and when a guy (of any age) approaches her. In most cases any approach to a girl of this age would be in a public area with others around (MTR, coming home from school, at the mall etc). You should carefully explain to her that she is growing up and how she should react to any comments or inappropriate advances, so she will know what to do if you are not with her.
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Agreed heartily with Applepup. I think as parents we would rather our children stay forever children. This can blind us a little. A little talk of the birds and the bees and boys in general can save your girl and you a lot of heartache in the future. Being frank with your kids ensures they come to you with their problems instead of going to their new "friend".
I certainly remember that when I was a teenager (and well into my twenties I suppose) my parents were the last people I would talk to about real issues.
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