"Right" age for sleeping out of custodial parent's home

Hi. Little Miss almost five spent the occasional night about six months ago with her father. It was OK for a while - two nights didnt work however - and then overnight basically, she decided she wasnt going to any more (did this with kindy too - not at the same time though).


So, my qu is....what is the right age for a child to stay at the non custodial parent's home? She is with me (her mother) and I WANT HER TO STAY with her dad at least a night a week but she cries hysterically and makes very elaborate excuses as to not to stay. No, she isnt mal treated by her father. I suspect she is just a creature of habt and she does love home. She is very close to me.


I say "she'll do it in her own time" like sleeping through the night and toilet training. But ex is hugely offended and upset. I get SO stressed leaving her when she is hysterical and basically cant do it. Im lsing sleep over this one. Please help.

I've never been in your situation, so my advice may be off the wall. But, I do have a 5-year-old daughter.


We have travelled a lot with our kids and I always took their quilt covers and pillow cases, so that they knew that whatever bed they were sleeping in was "my" bed. In places we visit often (eg hometown), I leave toys etc to come back to.


I'm not expecting you to answer these questions here, but this is what I would think about:


Does your daughter have "her space" at each home? Can Dad fix up a bed with pink princess sheets, pillow cases, blankets etc and make a really appealing place that is absolutely specially for her? Does she have (special) toys and clothes that are always at Dad's and not have to come with a suitcase each time? Is there a place for her to hang her jacket and a cupboard/box that has only her things in it? Are there dishes, etc. in her size?


Is there enough to entertain her at Dad's? Have her favourite games and DVDs been bought for each home?


Can you ease her back into overnights by doing some daytime visits first? Can she bring a friend to play with at Dad's?


Being a parent is tough especially when we have to interpret what is really going on.

I'll speak as someone who does have experience with this.


Actually there is no "right" age. When parents separate then that is the right time for the kids to spend time with both their parents to understand they are still loved by both. They are going through a turmoil we can never understand. For it to work they have to feel at home in both places, they need their space.


My 2 boys were 3 and 5 when I went through this. My problems were more down to the bitterness of the ex-wife more than the kids but of course they suffered. But they were both fine and always enjoyed staying with me as much as they could.


So there is no perfect age and it seems the problem may not just be down to going to her Dad's, it seems more deep seated and could just be she still feels lost.

Hello and thanks for your replies. Apologies for my tardy note of gratitude to both of you. Aemom, yes, the little one's dad has made a huge effort with lovely furniture, toys, plates and snacks, playdates and even bought her a cat so we have ticked all of those boxes. I recall my mother going overseas for a month when I was 16 (yes, sixteen) and I cried for the entire time she was away. Maybe it's genetic! It's ever so lovely that she is attached to me and she is rather independant and I tend to agree with evildeeds that she may be feeling a little "lost". She loves her "normal" home and is most comfortable with being there around all her stuff (and her pets and me). Evil., thanks for your insight. I hope it's all going well for you. Regards.

How does she act when you are actually gone? Do she and dad work it out or is she miserable the whole time?