Do you have an "accident prone" child?

I have two kids. My young one is now 2.5 years old, he's had SO many serious, scary accidents from hitting his head..... since he started walking... I don't know how to stay sane.


I am a piano teacher, so my hours are not TOO bad, but nevertheless, I leave him to my TWO helpers to watch over him. He still nevertheless manages to hit his head at least once a day.


How do you deal with an accident prone child? I don't know how I can stay sane until he is 18 years old !!! Or, I am worried, by the time he is 18, he must have hit his head a thousand times, will he be more stupid than he should be?


I screamed at my helper tonight because he fell badly off a counter. My helper is very careful with him, but accidents happen, and I can't blame her completely because my son is very active, and stubborn, and going through a VERY bad stage of "terrible twos".


Just wondering if there is a child like this in most families? How do you stay sane? How can I go out feeling "safe" when he's at home?

I have some thoughts:

- One "serious accident" (assuming no concussions or broken bones) a day is not really a lot for some kids.

- You are right, it is part of "Terrible Twos". Our daughter's legs are covered with bruises and cuts. Nothing really to worry about.

- All kids hurt themselves more or less all the time. From little bumps to big bruisers. This is completely normal. Their desire for mobility overwhelms their capacity to stay out of trouble.

- Kids are enormously resilient. Falls that would leave adults gasping and wheezing for minutes are shrugged off in seconds if they're doing something fun.

- While you should of course not poo-poo their pain, it is important to stay calm. Say "come here and mommy will blow on it". That way you force him to get up and move. It teaches him that he can handle the pain. Of course, if the bump is more serious, don't just leave him there. My point is that you shouldn't let your child "milk" the "injury" in order to get affection. It also teaches him to deal with adversity in an adult manner.

- Bumping his head as a child, unless it is truly bone shattering impacts many many times, will not affect his intelligence.

- Small kids don't often break bones because their fall "technique" tends to be excellent. They don't tense up like adults, instead relaxing and thus mitigating fall effects.

- The danger with head injuries is concussion. Luckily this is also quite rare. Watch for vomiting. See if the pupils fail to contract when reacting to light (you can (carefully) use a flashlight). If you suspect a concussion, do not let your child fall asleep and seek medical attention at once.

- Falling off the counter. We leave our daughter (2½) on the counter but we KNOW she doesn't move. We never leave her alone in the room. If she starts moving we tell her sharply to sit still. If she doesn't immediately freeze, we give her one warning and then put her on the floor regardless of crying or whining. She learned that lesson quickly. Our younger daughter (1) is never left on the counter without someone standing right in front of her or holding her with one hand.

- Your child is old enough to understand. Explain why he needs to be careful in some places. It may take 100 repetitions but he will eventually get it.

- Ensure there are environments where he can run around and not hurt himself badly. Use safety gates and designate one room "safe room" where there is no way to pull stuff down on top of himself (secure bookshelves etc), there are few sharp edges and so forth. Kids are very creative when it comes to getting into trouble so you'll soon discover you've missed a thing or two. Your son will hurt himself in that room too, but you should be able to leave him there without worrying about any really serious injuries. It is healthy for him to have a place where he can "act out" and not need to be so careful. It also teaches him the difference between "careful places" and "running around places."

- Safety safety safety. Ensure drawers with knives and scissors are secured. Secure electrical outlets. Push heavy stuff on counters inwards. Ensure your child knows where and when he can goof off and when he needs to be still.


- Yelling at the helper is understandable but a bit counterproductive, in particular if you did it in front of your child. Helpers shouldn't be afraid of letting him play or you introduce a whole new host of psychological problems. She probably feels pretty bad about it already. Have a sit down with them and discuss safety, include them by asking for their ideas on procedures. Make it a team effort and you will see results.

- Make sure everyone in the house knows basic first aid. There are classes or you can do it via email and reading from sites like this: http://firstaid.about.com/od/cpr/ss/abcs.htm.

- Everyone makes mistakes and you can't protect your child from everything. As I told one prospective parent: "It's only a matter of time before you hurt your child." Doesn't make you a bad parent/helper, just a human one.


Finally: Rome wasn't built in a day. It takes weeks and months to effect a change. Patience.

My wife also reminded me that children prone to accidents often suffer from lack of sleep.


Kids under 6 should sleep a good 10-12 hours a day.

axptguy38's advice is very wise and logical, as usual (^-^). I hope you dont mind me telling you my honest feelings after reading your thread. I dont mean to be mean but you sounded like a nervous person to me. I mean basically a nervous person, not just a nervous mother. People are of many different temperment so I dont mean in a negative way. But just the way I feel from reading your writing. To have 2 helpers to look after one child, I think it is a bit OTT. Again I dont mean in a nasty way. Just think who is the prime responsble helper if there are 2. May be u hv sorted out already. I second axptguy38 that you shld create an environment that he can really do 'crazy' things there without being hurt. But then if he does something which you think he will get hurt, if possible, stop him by telling him not to do instead of just taking him away from the scene. To me, it sounds as if he wl become a tough guy when he grows up. It is good to a certain extent. Lack of sleep is definitely a good point to point out. It is very normal for children to go to bed at abt. 19:00 in western countries (sure Canada is the same) but in Hong Kong, sadly it is not always the case. I hope you can relax a bit more. Right, it is always easier said than done. Hoe does your hubby say about it? Most of time, it is always us (women) who are worrying too much.

Is he also prone to ear aches or ear infections? He may have an inner ear problem which affects his balance.


Or he may have vision problems.


Does he have well-fitting shoes that provide good support?


Counters should be out of bounds - close the doors or use a child gate to keep him out of the kitchen and bathroom.

Hi there Katetam

You may want to consider getting your little boys hearing tested - If he has been prone to ear infections as a baby he may have a build up of fluid in his ears which can affect balance. I know this because my little boy was very clumsy and always falling over, sometime hurting himself very badly, someone told us to get his hearing tested and when we had his hearing checked it emerged that he only had 20% hearing from both ears. He basically had glue ear - which was easy to resolve through an operation - now he hears fine and is much more stable on his feet.

"It is very normal for children to go to bed at abt. 19:00 in western countries (sure Canada is the same) but in Hong Kong, sadly it is not always the case."


Indeed. In my native Sweden, most kids under 6-8 are in bed by 20:00. Under 2 they are typically in bed by 19:00. This gives them a good 10 hours until they inevitably wake up a 6 sharp. ;)


Our 13 month old sleeps from 1900 to about 0600-0700, then has a 1½-2½ hour nap in the afternoon. Our 2½ year old sleeps from 2000-2030 to about 0600-0700, and has a 1 hour nap in the afternoon. Much less and they become quite cranky.


I know many people like to take their kids with them to the restaurant or have them involved in family activities in the evening. But it is not very good for the child unless it is once in a blue moon.

"i also find that many mums/helpers/grandmas here make a HUGE deal if a child falls down. all we've ever done is say, "oh, you're ok, up you get!""


So true. This of course makes kids both timid and needy. I shall say no more. ;)

Thank you to everyone for their advice and opinions.


I admit, I am a very nervous person, before being a mother, a "perfectionist". Now, I am learning.... perfection is no longer possible, learned to adjust.


But as a mother, my own mother tells me I am paranoid. I freak every time the kids get hurt. My little one is particularly clumsy. That's why I am so freaked out.


Two helpers not to look after one child. I have two helpers in a big house, with two children, and a dog.


I monitored him last night, making sure he didn't vomit, or any signs of concussion. I spoke with my helper. Telling her I wasn't upset AT her personally, and I discussed with her all the preventions and precautions, and ensuring that my son sleeps enough. It is true he 's sleeping way too late. He's also a very light sleeper, so my husband comes home late, he will wake up to look for Daddy.... resulting napping instead of sleeping through straight.


I noticed he's more clumsy because he's tired and sleepy but NOT willing to go to bed yet.


My husband is completely opposite. When my son fell down face down from the 3 ft high counter last night, he didn't scream, or yell, he just picked him up, and held him while he cried.


I , can't do that. I keep telling myself to learn to calm down, just when it comes to the kids' safety, and health issues, I just can't.


Learning.... learning... learning...

Thanks everyone.


As for the replies to:


Why was he on the counter? My helper usually puts him there, sitting there while he brushes his teeth, and while we wipe his face. Tonight, I put him on the floor and spit into the bathtub instead.


Ice- Skate: good question. I haven't dared to bring them ice skating... because I fear their fingers, and will fall and stuff. Not until when they reach 6 years old, at that age, hope they will understand the importance of protecting their fingers when falling. I have watched TOO TOO many times toddlers and young children, falling down in an ice rink, and have their fingers sliced off by a passing by skater who couldn't stop in time and simply didn't see the little one. The little one also didn't have the quick response of closing the fingers into a fist.


I think ice skating is NOT a necessity, can wait.

That's just MY opinion.

Yes, Cara... I am Canadian as well.... skated every winter since 8 years old, and then moved on to skiing and snowboarding until I was in my near 30s. Missed those activities alot since moving to HK.


However, don't you think the ice rinks here are way too cramped and small compared to those we had in the community centers in Canada?


I know 4 children who had their fingers sliced, or cut by ice skating in HK.

One had it reconnected... the kid was 4 years old. Just last year.

Katetam, it is hard being a parent. No foolin'. So don't feel bad about not always managing. We all have our bad days.


As you say, perfection isn't possible. In fact, by letting kids fall, make a mess, fail miserably at feeding themselves, spill from the glass, break flatware, use incorrect grammar, hurt themselves, we allow them to develop. Kids that are kept in a bubble and never allowed to fail or get hurt become rather sad adults. If you allow a 12-15 month to feed herself, she will make a huge mess, but in the long run she learns quicker. We once had guests who looked at our 17 month old daughter in quasi-shock as she picked up an "adult" glass (made of glass) and drank water without spilling a drop. Their 2½ year old was still on a sippy cup. Turns out they had never even tried a glass for fear he would spill. We told them our girl spilled copiously in the beginning, but she learned fast. Kids want to do what we do and they don't like getting all wet.


My point is that kids need to make a mess and hurt themselves. It's part of growing up. I am reminded of a movie quote: "Why do we fall, sir? So that we might learn to pick ourselves up."



"He's also a very light sleeper, so my husband comes home late, he will wake up to look for Daddy.... resulting napping instead of sleeping through straight."


If I came home late and made enough noise to wake up baby, I would get a stern and well-deserved talking to from my wife and our helper. I have had to learn to move like a ninja.


An important skill for your son to learn is to fall back asleep. If he comes out looking, you should gently carry him back and say he needs to sleep. He might fuss but this is the time for him to sleep.



"I noticed he's more clumsy because he's tired and sleepy but NOT willing to go to bed yet."


You're in charge, not him. When it's time for bed it's time for bed. This should not be negotiable. The only negotiable thing should be whether you read one, two or three books. Yes, this will often be a struggle, but it's worth sticking to your guns in the long run.



"I , can't do that. I keep telling myself to learn to calm down, just when it comes to the kids' safety, and health issues, I just can't."


Of course you can do it. You know that you need to change. It will be hard but you can do it. Don't worry, we've all been stressed out more than once about our kids.



"Why was he on the counter? My helper usually puts him there, sitting there while he brushes his teeth, and while we wipe his face. Tonight, I put him on the floor and spit into the bathtub instea"


IMHO the counter is absolutely fine as long as someone is right there. Our 2½ year old can be left there by now, but that took months to learn. And she knows that she needs to sit absolutely still.

I am no expert but have you thought of taking him to an occupational/physio- therapist? A specialist can probably give a general assessment of his gross motor development and identify any potential issues he may have. Not sure if this is relevant but wanted to share the thought anyways.

didy, that sounds like a little bit of a last resort. A pediatrician can give a pretty good assessment as a start.


I'm no expert either but going from the description it doesn't sound to me as if there is anything really unusual about the kid.

Kate - just to second what others have been saying - try to sleep train your boy, I know you dont think it will work - but you need to stick with it for a couple of weeks maybe a bit more but you will get there! It breaks my heart to see all these Chinese kids in Ocean park, on buses, etc - ALWAYS asleep!! They dont get enought sleep, simple as that! All my Chinese friends with kids say, "But our kids dont want to go to bed untill 11 pm and later! You are lucky yours go to bed at 7". Not true - your kids will do what you teach them to do and at your age is not at all late! Just stick with it.

a) Bed at 7-8 pm, not later

b) only max of say 2-2.5h nap in the afternoon - 12.30 to 2.30 is ideal - otherwise it starts getting too close to bed time - you have to make sure that he is tired by then. If he is still sleeping at 2.30 - wake him up! Even if he only had 1 hour or so - he will eventually start falling asleep at 12.30 - 1 and all will fall into place.

c) in the morning - dont let him sleep past 7-7.30 - to make sure he is tired for his lunchtime nap.


This sounds very rigid but it is just for the start - you can always become more relaxed about the times (to an extend) once he is trained to do the 7pm- 7am sleep. It really is worth it, you have a happier child, as it has been said so many times - Children thrive on routine!!

"All my Chinese friends with kids say, "But our kids dont want to go to bed untill 11 pm and later! You are lucky yours go to bed at 7"."


Haha sure. And that just magically happens! :)

funny. isnt it? took us months and months!! well, the first 3 months were total write off, even then we stuck to this whole 7 pm thing, but then it all started falling into place, hard work but was worth it - months of shooshing and patting!!! :(

Agree with the need for sleep and get ped to check out ears, balance, etc. BUT barring any medical issues, I would also say that a "serious" head injury every day for months on end is unusual, even for an active little boy. If by serious you mean blood or obvious bruises (i.e. more than just a bump) then I would question whether your helpers are offering adequate care, especially if the injuries occur only when you're not around. Sometimes kids just go through a phase of exploring physical limits and it's normal to have more bumps and bruises during this time until they figure out what hurts and what doesn't. But I would say it's bit unusual for this phase to last for a very long time with an injury occuring every day for over a year (you said he's been having these since he started walking until 2.5?).

Sorry for hijacking this thread but I have a quick question. My 18 month old starts to push back her bedtime to 9.30-10.00pm and she wakes up around 7.00am. She takes a 1-2hour afternoon nap and I'm just wondering, is this schedule okay for her age?

9.30-10 is quite late really for that age.. she wakes up herself at 7 am or do you wake her? if herself, maybe she is one of those people who eventually grow up and need like 5-6 h sleep max! What time is her nap during the day? Try to make it 12.30 to 2.30 if it is not? Maybe cut it down to 1 h only?

lasez, Is the afternoon nap one or two hours? You can try to make it always 60 or 90 minutes to adjust the bed time. Ideally she should sleep 12 hours a day at that age.

She wakes up in the morning by herself. As for her nap, it is usually between 12.30 - 2.30pm. I'm worried she is not getting enough sleep....

try to cut down to 1 hours maybe? 12.30 to 1.30 and see what happens? does she seem tired to you? maybe she is one of those kids who dont need 12 hours, who knows! you seem to be doing everything right, i think. what is the routine in the evening? bath, milk, book with dimmed lights?