How to deal with insecurity

I know my husband for 8 years, merried for 6 yrs but I have a past, a terrible past that untill now make me feel so insecure meeting others, but socializing is important to one's life. I have been a single mum in an early age, and done far worse, I am no carreer woman, neither pretty nor have those eye droping body and my husband is an average western man, even so he understand and accept me, and despite of all the love and understanding he is giving to me, I sitll could not look at myself in the mirror with acceptance, instead most of the time i talk to himn i would give him a worse scenerio that i think driving him away from me and my merriage will be over sooner that i think.


I would like to hear some ones opinion on how to deal with this insecurity. To be honest my husband is the best thing that happen to me and our own daughter. I love him so much and i want him to be happy, proud of me as his wife but i just can't be, i just can't help to think that their are lot of woman that could give him the feeling of a proud husband. Some times i have even thought of letting him go i just could not bare the bad things that happen to him just to be with me. I know that i should appreciate that he put everything behind him even his parents not being there, but i just love him so much and could not accept fact that i could not give all the happiness that he deserve. Well what am i thinking i could be wrong he could be just happy and satisfied as i want him to be, but like i said this is all just creation of my insecurities.

Maybe get some professional advice ? There is no fatality, though you may need to professional help (counsellor, psychoanalisis, etc.) to understand better whatt makes you feel bad... and more importantly "brake the cycle" so that your daughter does not suffer too much from it as well as improving / sorting out your relationship with your husband.

Good luck !

mayita,


Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with my marriage at the moment actually we have never had a big sirious fight, it's just me thinking all possible scene could happen and it will really if i don't stop thinking about. I guess having all those terrible past, lost my belief to myself and trust that someone can really love me despite of my family backgroud and bad past experience.


I guess what I am really looking for is not a sulotion to my insecurities instead a friend who is in the same boat as me and understand me better than anyone else or perhaps someone who is willing to have a friend for who I am before and now.


I understand that people has it's right to keep their secrets, but my secret does not make me comfortable specially when the group is talking and discriminating others deeds and me knowing that i am one of those people, I then wonder would this person talk to or be my friend if he/she found out about my past.


I am not a bad person, just a normal average woman who has this dark past.

insecure if you are looking for someone in the same boat as you, well how can anyone know if they are in the same boat as no one knows what your dark past is? I am insecure from my dark past but not sure it's the same as yours?

It's obvious, you are your worst enemy. It is YOU who constantly make yourself feel "insecure".

You even label yourself "insecure"! Come on, there got to be something about you that your husband finds attractive and is proud of. Stop feeling sorry for him and stop having such a low self-esteem. Go out and do something that will make yourself look and feel better inside such as exercising or taking a lesson. Be positive! Chin up! Nobody likes to be around a negative and unhappy person--including your husband. Being positive and having the right attitude, in your case, is the best way to thank him for kindly accepting you all these years.

Dear insecure,


ask yourself please whether you judge yourself, which I think you do. Sit down and try to accept what was and then learn to think neutral about it without judging. This exercise will help you to not constantly think about your past and pull your selfesteem down.


Please focus a little more on reality which is you are a woman in a relation with a kind man.


And don't forget past is past. You can only change how you think about it, but this is the critical point how you will feel about yourself.


Since you ask for someone to sit in the same boat, maybe you liked to have someone with similar experience (bad past) to talk about; I am not a psychologist, but if you have something bad, my experience tells me that it is not good to stir up the soup too much and bring back bad memories to present, much better to change once but forever how you view things and move on live in the present.


Then I can only recommend as well to cheer yourself up with easy things.

hi!


Thank you to all your reply, it is nice to hear from some one, that past does not really matter, instead work it out today for better tomorrow. But sometimes in a social gathering it feels like you can not escape the past when you are in the same group and listening to this critizing, and stabbing your heart with out them knowing It is just difficult, but ofcourse I can not lock myself just to a void this kind of conversation from some one who has no idea.


maymayhk, by saying having someone in the same boat does not mean having the same dark past, because every person has different view of dark past and being a shamed of.


Hi, Techie If you believe that we have a lot of things to talk about insecurities I would love to be hear from you, and I hope doing this we could atleast help each other to overcome to past that create this and be comfortable today. I am sorry i don't know how to pm here, but we can chat or email each other my email is viewty22@yahoo.com

One way to beat insecurity is to stop being so nice. It's really hard to feel like you can handle a situation when you feel like you have to be nice all the time. Not everyone is going to be as sensitive as you may be. I'm not saying be mean, but being nice or thinking of yourself as a "nice person" can lead to a lot of anxiety.

First thing, I think you felt that you are not secured so thats why your insecured. Make sure you are happy with in.. Otherwise, insecurity will be with forever in your life.

I have been in that situation before because i let things happened to me. It was my choice nothing to blamed for what we have done remember. So we should not use the energy of those someone who love & appreaciate us for being what we are & what we have.


In fact, after joining Asia works in HK. Having some great & loving friends who always there anytime for me ... I feel so much love that i can not imagined. After I have learned a lot of things then, I managed to applied into my daily life. I open my heart & that was the beggining of my new life.


Before I don't have friends because i dont want them to know what is going on to me as well as my family so i stand on my own. My friend that i just keep is writing in my journal. I did not noticed that I have been focusing in myself in all the things that happening to me...nothing at all JUST the word ME... I did not know that I been using the energy of the people around me especially my daughter. It was petty when I realized that I was a victim of my own negative thoughts.


The father of my daughter spend so much money to put me to learn how to deal with Life with negative into positive. Is also called how to polish your life? I think to listen to the people have so much experienced in life help us to light up our mind.


You need to open up, or be open minded in everything, Ask yourself what you want? Make sure you can get the right answer with that question. Write it down & what's your goal in life? write down your answer too.


Forget what happened & Forgive yourself before you think others.


Love yourself first so that you can appreciate the person who is willing to love you unconditionally.


Think of something that could make you happy in that moment. Laugh if you could! Feel free! don't let the negative things enter in that moment.


You know by talking always to your husband about what happened to you in the past is only creating a huge problem especially to you not just to your husband.


Are you not tired of repeating the same issue?


How do you feel about when you always discussed the same story to him?


I'm sure you felt very bad, a lot of hatred & angry in your heart.


Question yourself?... Am I not enough to give hard time or making my husband uncomfortable to me everytime i open the same problem i have?


Listen to your heart feel your body after all you discussed to him about the same old things.


Do you feel sorry to yourself?


Aren't you tired?


Don't you have anything happy moment to substitute your sad stories to share to your husband?


When are you going to stop creating problem to yourself? if not NOW then when?


If you can write a letter to your husband share the bright side of your life. Make sure your out of your BOX. Think of someone who really inspired you most. to put your mind into positve.


Remember nobody is perfect. Everyone make a mistake we are not gonna be strong to face the fact if there is no challenege in our life or mistake that we have done. We should put into our mind that from that mistake we need to learn from it.


Make sure you solve your own problem early & be free from that NEGATIVE stuff.


In the morning when you wake up... first things you can do is look in the mirror with big smile & say Good morning myself. I'm sure it will change step by step the situation in your daily life.


you can e-mail me in ray_grace99@ yahoo.com or if you need to talk to me feel free to call me at this tel. no. 66701665 I hope i can help you a bit to remove some of your insecurity. Move forward & always look for a bright new day.


God Bless you as Always


Grace