Bullying

I am wondering if anyone else has had experiences of their children being bullied at a school in HOng Kong.

My son is 7 years old and over the last year has been hurt physically by another student at least 4 times. He has ended up at the school nurse because he was winded, punched in the back, on another occasion had a pencil stabbed in his leg. All these occasions the bully has been reprimanded and had time out and has spent time with teachers e.t.c talking about it. Today I had enough when I discovered yet more bruises on my sons leg. I wrote an email to the principal expressing my concern and asking what the policy on bullying actually is. The reply was "we do not tolerate it" yet in the same reply I was told that the bully was being tracked and was improving generally. However when I see my son still getting hurt a year later this is not good enough for me. Also the promise to "try their best to ensure a safe environment" sounds like rhetoric. I am absolutely at my wits end and feel like we have no other option but to pull him out of that school if it happens again next year. The principal mentioned that she would fully understand if we wanted to do this and would support our decision. That in itself makes me so angry. I read that as "it may happen again and if it does you may have to move your son".

I'm just wondering if international schools in Hong Kong are required by law to provide a safe environment for students (as in NZ, UK and the States). Other than going to the class teacher and then the principal what else can I do. I feel so cruel taking my son out of that school as he genuinely loves it (except for the occasions where he gets the odd punch or two). It makes me so mad that the bully gets more protection than the victim.

Sorry for this long rambling email but I would love to hear of anyone elses experiences in dealing with these kinds of problems in Hong Kong.

It seems to me that if the school is "in loco parentis" then you could well inform them that IF they continue to permit your son to be attacked, THEN you will sue them for the physical and mental harm being done to your son, and follow that up with a legal letter. After all, if it happened in your home, social services might well take you to court too - so sue them, but tell them in advance.

Agree with docboat, also mention to them that maybe a nice article in a newspaper will help them boost their PR.

Maybe that kid's parents are connected? or big donators for this school?

I would also suggest that if you do decide to leave your child in that school, that you get some proffesional legal advice. A seven year old child does not get bitten and stabbed in leg without having a massive load on his personality.

It's hard for me to say this and I won't blame you if you'll be annoyed but- If you won't take drastic steps now, you'll hate yourself in the future.

No omaharrison I am not annoyed at all. In fact I am so angry with myself for letting it happen for so long and accepting weak and flimsy excuses such as, "the bully means well - he is just a bit rough". It's a shame in this day and age that a school can't take responsibility for the welfare of its students.

I would also talk to the teacher again and ask what has been done to prevent this from happening again, ie, not lecturing the bully but a list of actions taken to prevent his attacking people, is anyone ever watching him? I cannot believe that there aren't enough teachers/staff to watch the playground so that thugs get away with attacking others.

That school's response sounds like a load of bull**it, their love it or leave it attitude is totally shameful.

Also, read the school rules: what are the disciplinary actions that can be taken if a student keeps displaying "undesirable attitude", he get suspended, but then eventually expelled?

In the mean time, do you feel your child is being marginalised? Have his friends been unable to support him or can he count on a group of friends? See if he can hang out with a crowd of friends during recess, not that you want his friends to stand up for him (they may very well be scared of that bully, too), but there is safety in numbers. It's just about showing the bully your son is not friendless. If he can show he has people who care about him (at school as well as at home), he will send an image of someone confident instead of that of a victim (which he very well might appear to be because of that bully, and then others will join in bullying him).

Another thing he can do is try to play near the teachers during recess so the bully cannot get to him. He may be concerned about being seen as a teacher's pet if he does that, but it may help in having that bully forget about him in time.

Also, for better advice (than mine), google "bullying" and you'll find plenty of websites providing advice for teachers, parents, victims of bullying ... and even for bullies (presumably to stop bullying!!). Try this one, for example: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

I really don't think you should be the one to remove your child from the school, what kind of a message will that send to the bully (AND your son!): that he can get away with breaking the rules??

When someone breaks the law, they are put away to jail, not their victims!!

Good luck with everything.

No, stand up for your rights.


There is no need to remove your son from the school, he is not to blame. If its a local school, contact the Education Bureau and put in a complaint in if the school lack in supervision.

Oh dear, I know how upsetting it is for parents when the kids are being bullied.


My friend's kid is a bully. She gets letters from the school and has to see the teachers because of her son's behaviour. She has a difficult time with her son but I don't think she feels the same degree of despair as the parents who's children are being bullied.


More often than not, the schools do not know how to handle it. I would agree with Elodie in that you can do your own research from the net as to how schools, parents and teachers should handle bullying. Maybe you can educate the school.


If not, can you communicate with the parents of the bully (through writing or in person) so that something can be done? Sometimes when parents are told by the school that their child is a bully, the impact isn't as great as when they meet the victim and his/her parents.


I wouldn't remove your son simply because he should know that he has done nothing wrong and has a right to be there. But say if you've tried everything and nothing has worked, then maybe a new atmosphere will be better for him.


Good luck, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.

Thank you so much to everyone who replied to my thread. It was really comforting to hear everyone's advice. We actually spoke to the lower primary school head today and he was very understanding and managed to change classes for our son. He actually listened and sympathised and said he is taking it very seriously. The trouble is with this boy is he does really want to be friends with my son and others but just can't seem to control himself. I actually feel very sorry for him but at the same time I don't want my son coming home with bruises every few months. So at the end of the day the principals response was extremely dissappointing and very "politically incorrect" but the lower school head was great and actually did something for us. I can't imagine if I was back in the work place that I would have handled someone who had been bullied like this. I would certainly not encourage the victim to leave (especially if they thought it was their only option). I would hope that I would protect the staff member at all costs. If that staff member left I would feel as if I let them down and didn't do my job. I still have no idea whatsoever about this schools bullying policy but at least I feel that I have removed my son from another year of hassles (shame about the other kids in his class).


Anyway thanks again everyone.