Posted by
MayC
18 yrs ago
My little girl has been asked to be a flower girl again for my husband's bestfriend. She was already a flower girl once for my sister in law's brother's wedding.
We have already said yes but my sister's partner has just told us that in a Chinese family, it is not good to be a flower girl again.
Has anyone heard of this?
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cd
18 yrs ago
In England there is an old saying,'3 times a bridesmaid, never a bride'. But its OK to be one twice or 4 or 5, just not 3.( But this is just an old wives tale, depends how superstitious you are)
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I have never heard of it and in any case I am not at all superstitious. If they can't provide some hard evidence that it is "harmful" I'd say go for it.
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Totally absurd! Never heard of it. "Bridesmaid" one yes.... not flower girl ! Little girls are the CUTEST for this role from age of 2-6, so plenty of opportunities to be one!
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RINZ
18 yrs ago
Are you a Chinese yourself? Or your partner? Or maybe you have a Chinese family? Then maybe even if you are not superstitious, they maybe are. And even though you don't care your little girl be a flower girl again, because you think it is not harmful, they might care and talk about it. And it will affect your little girl for life!
People will talk.And your little girl is 'stamped' with the fact that she has been a flower girl twice. And when she already did become a flower girl twice, it will be marked in her life forever.And she will remember it.And people will remember it too. And even though you are not superstitious, again, other people might be superstitious.Especially 'according' to the Chinese( i dont know, i am not a local chinese) they say it is not good to become a flower girl twice.
If it is true what they say 'according' to their superstitious belief, then what the problem here is, it is not that their superstitious belief is TRUE, but it might eventually come true because of some factors. Assuming your little girl has already become a flower girl twice, other people knows about this and saw this. They will TALK because they believe so. Then it will affect your little girl's psychologically. And it is as if 'stamped' on her without her approval. You understand what i mean?
So WHY RISK IT? Why sacrificing your little girl's for someone else? Just reject! It doesn't hurt to reject, they might say : oh no...this..and that..., give proper and polite reason...bla bla bla...then the wedding goes on..your little girl is safe, and your friend will completely forget about it in time. They are just too busy with their new marriage!
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I disagree. I respect people having "superstition" however, is this "superstition" even heard of ?
I personally wouldn't want to educate my child of such a thing. And, being a flower girl is a very special honour and important role. And the reward is beautiful photos, memories (esp if the marrying couple is a close friend or relative) , and also being able to talk about it years from now, when your daughter is all grown up. Unless you find out that such a superstition exists.....
if one avoids everything and anything just because someone "mentions" a "risk" or "superstition", one would have no direction in life!
Make your own decisions based on knowledge, logic, and facts.
And, what you decide, believe, and know.... you're setting yourself as a model for your child.
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MayC,. I am Chinese, my husband is British. We got married during the Hungry Ghost Festival. My grandpa murmured something about not the best timing but nobody challenged me because it was the only period when we could get as many people important in our lives to attend the wedding from both sides. I was not about to let a tradition affect one of the most important days of my life. I have attended a funeral during the Lunar New Year when most people are terrified of being tainted with bad luck by attending a funeral. It was the funeral of a good friend's dad, i think it was more important for me to attend it than worry about it being lunar new year.
BUT since you are asking, obviously you are concerned. I have not heard of this tradition and you didn't specify what are the consequences if your daughter plays flower girl twice - causing unhappiness for the newly weds or that your girl will never become a bride herself? If it will potentially affect the newly weds based on this old wives' tale, tell your husband's best friend that someone has mentioned this and let the couple make the decision. if they decide not to have your daughter as a flower girl after all, so be it. if they still decide to go ahead, then you should dress your little princess up and have a fab time at the wedding. and if it's about your daughter never being the bride because she's been a flower one too many times, then i say i hope you will educate your daughter to grow up into a confident young lady who decides on her own life instead of letting a superstition rule her life.
good luck!
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"Then maybe even if you are not superstitious, they maybe are. And even though you don't care your little girl be a flower girl again, because you think it is not harmful, they might care and talk about it. And it will affect your little girl for life!"
I disagree and think you are exaggerating. Why should your girl or you care what they think? While it is good to respect other people's opinions, you can't live your life according to how other people think you should.
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Pish posh RINZ! You can't live life following other people's superstitions. You'll become extremely busy and confused.
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Indeed Applepup. I would add that even living according to your own superstitions is constricting. I make a conscious effort not to become superstitious. Apart from things with obvious reasons like not walking under ladders I feel it is all old wife's tales and has no basis in fact.
I highly recommend Carl Sagan's "The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark" for those wishing to sharpen their baloney detectors.
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really if there are people who have nothing better to do with their lives than count how many times each little girl wwas a flower girl, they must be very very sad, leading very boring lives.
I say dont live your life according to what they think and dont put ideas into your poor little girls head that she should be living her life by their standards either....
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RINZ
18 yrs ago
First of all, like i said, i never said the superstition is true, but some people might think it is.
Second, i am only offering an opinion, it is not my little girl and it is not my business either, so dont talk to me like that.
I dont believe in superstition.
But if MayC is worried about it, so dont do it. End of story.
For the others who has nothing else better to do than to gossip about superstition, take your girl to become flower girls 100 times, i dont care.
applepup, you dont rule my life and you certainly have no rights to tell me what i want to do with it. And I am a devoted Christian. I dont believe in superstition, zodiac, etc
And last but not least, this thread is NOT about me. It is about MayC and her worries.So do not include me in this.
best of luck
rinz
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"But if MayC is worried about it, so dont do it. End of story."
MayC asked for advice and will now have to make a decision. Definitely not end of story if she is worried about it. Otherwise the story would have ended before she posted.
"And last but not least, this thread is NOT about me. It is about MayC and her worries.So do not include me in this."
By commenting you opened yourself up to comments about your comments. That's just the way it works.
"And I am a devoted Christian. I dont believe in superstition, zodiac, etc"
I'll have to nitpick and say that arguably religion is no more than organized superstition. After all neither has a factual basis. Faith is faith.
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MayC
18 yrs ago
Thank you all for your constructive comments. I have decided to proceed with it and ignore this superstition.
The reason why I asked is because I married into a local Hong Kong Chinese family. While I am not superstitious myself, I know that my husband's family are and my daughter is part of them.
There are times when I say I don't care but then there are times when I do think "what if...." especially when, as a mother, I want to give my daughter everything and anything.
But I agree with what has been said, and I'm glad you've all said it... living a life filled with superstitions is constricting.
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"There are times when I say I don't care but then there are times when I do think "what if...." especially when, as a mother, I want to give my daughter everything and anything."
Adapting to their mores is one thing. Having doubts just because they spout superstition is a slippery slope.
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Mayc we all want what is best for our children and fitting in or learning to deal with family/community or peers is a big part of life, and we need to impart confidence and some way for deciding what is right and wrong to our precious children. i am sure no harm will come to your daughter, and being her mother you will influence her beliefs and way of thinking more than anybody else.
has your hubby's family openly voiced their concerns or tld u that it's not a good idea?
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