Posted by
bing927
18 yrs ago
Hi my boyfriend and I live in together for almost 9 yrs and got two kids. We want to get marry but the problem is he's married, separated for 10 yrs and got two kids too to her wife . He tried to talk to his wife thought that she will sign the divorce paper because his wife is living with someone else and got one child too. She said that she will only sign the papers if my boyfriend will give some money for their children every month but we can't afford of what she's asking for coz my boyfriend salary is only minimum and work as partime security guard only. I understand her concern to their children but she's asking also my boyfriend to give his surname to her child which is the daughter of her boyfriend shes living with. Of course my boyfriend disagree of what she's asking for. We can only consider about the monthly allowance for the children.
We really want to persue the divorce, anyone can help us on this matter i know if she wont sign the divorce paper it will be a contested divorce and i heard that it will cause us a lot of money.
Anyone can advise us to our problem? Really appreciated and Thank you in advance.
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psy23
18 yrs ago
A responsible Father and Mother should always take good, equal care and financial welfare of their own children. This should have come to your own senses in the first place.
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Your boyfriend should of been supporting his kids from the start and not gone ahead and had more if he couldn't afford the ones he already had. Of course he does not have to give his name to a child that's not his and i don't understand why she would ask him.
Agree with others she can not stop the divorce only the terms of it and in court he will definitely be made to pay maintenance for his kids with her. There is no way round this.
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To you billybally i have sent a private msg to you.
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To you Billy and Moppet thanks for the advise really appreciated it. And billy i have sent some private msg to you thanks again.
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I have never heard of any court looking at a dad's salary and saying they didn't need to support there kids, I appreciate this is not UK but the law is based on the UK law i believe and even dad's on unemployment benefit have to pay something towards there kids. Are you a lawyer billybally and know for certain that dad's don't have to pay based on there income or is it just wishful thinking?
In honesty it should never come to having to be made to pay for them anyway a parent should want what's best for there child and not think they can bring them into the world and walk away.
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Bing927: check out this link which gives some general info about divorce and child maintenance. http://www.hkclic.org/en/topics/matrimonialMatters/divorce/proceduresAndGroundsForDivorce/q1.shtml. Your bf will not need his ex-wife's consent to a divorce if they have lived apart for a continuous period of two years. Once the proceedings are underway, the court has power to order him to make maintenance payments for his children. The court will consider many factors including his financial position and his obligations. The fact that the children with his wife came first (chronologically) is definitley relevant (after all, you knew what you were taking on when you hooked up with him), but courts tend to take a pragmatic view and will look at all the circumstances. That said, AXP is not the best forum for reliable legal advice - get your bf to an experienced divorce lawyer. An initial interview will give him a much more complete picture and should not be too expensive.
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"Your boyfriend should of been supporting his kids from the start and not gone ahead and had more if he couldn't afford the ones he already had."
That's an extremely contentious statement which seems based more on emotion than common sense. Does this stand for the ex-wife as well? And who judges others and whether or not they are entitled to the happiness of a family?
Relationships unfortunately move on, mistakes are made and then second time around then these mistakes can be rectified. Yes in the UK, especially with the CSA it's all about money. But it's also Victorian in thinking and belief so you cannot go comparing the UK with what happens here. There are ideals and the ideal of maintenance should be linked to others. Unfortunately that's where the UK lags behind as does HK in some respects.
If you base whether a person can become a parent again based on their financial standing then that is a very sad day indeed. They are far too few kids born into loving families as it is and unfortunately "trophy" children are becoming more commonplace.
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This guy already was a parent, just because his relationship with their mother is over doesn't mean he stops being a dad.
I find it highly offensive that you would consider bringing children into the world a mistake just because a relationship doesn't work out. Both mum and dad are these children’s parents why do you think only the mother should support these kids? What if she said the same and demanded the dad have the kids and raise them, as she didn't want the financial burden. I base peoples right to have kids on there ability and willingness to love, care and support them not bring them into the world and walk away when the going gets tough or because they fancy one at the time. The priority in this is the children not the adults the.
Frankly you sound like you have more than a passing interest in the subject
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Moppet, you seem to be very emotional about this.
I don't think evildeeds meant that the children from the first marriage are mistakes - if he did, then how would these mistakes be "rectified"? I think he means the parents made mistakes in their relationship with each other which led to them breaking up.
" I base peoples right to have kids on there ability and willingness to love, care and support them not bring them into the world and walk away when the going gets tough or because they fancy one at the time."
You are making a lot of assumptions about this couple's break up and the after math.
Frankly you are one who sounds personally involved in this subject.
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I’d love to hear under what circumstances it would be ok for dad not to pay to support his kids but it be ok for mum to do so on her own. The cost of childcare, food, clothes, etc is very high so unless mum happens to be well off the children can't help but suffer without the help of both parents.
This is perhaps why i feel so strongly about it
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Moppet, yes I do have more than a passing interest. And as BumpyDog mentioned I was talking about mistakes in marriage not about kids.
As I mentioned there is a lot more to it than just money. Access, custody and residency hardly get a mention but are some of the weapons used usually by women (in the UK especially) which is just as harmful to a child but rarely gets mentioned. Parenting is not just about money, if it is then why not just walk down to Wal-Mart and buy a kid off of the shelf.
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I think under circumstances where the woman earns a good salary or is independently wealthy while the man barely makes end meet it would be acceptable for the mother to bear the costs of bringing up the child.
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Yes there is more to it than money, alot more but the poster didn't mention any of those things only that her boyfriend's wife wants him to pay something every month for the kids if she agrees to a divorce. I know several cases where the kids would be better off with dad and the women uses the kids against them but that still doesn't mean the kids don't need to eat and have clothes on there back.
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"but that still doesn't mean the kids don't need to eat and have clothes on there back."
And do you know how many fathers that really does happen to? Let's put this another way, and we're not talking deadbeat Dad's here. We're talking about a marriage that has gone wrong. Usually (in UK at least) the woman get's custody, but that's not all. She usually get's the family home, pretty much everything in it and a fair whack to get on with. The father end's up with nothing, struggles to even get a deposit together to rent his own place, in a lot of cases ends up losing jobs and just get slaughtered by the system. And then to add insult to injury people like the CSA get involved and just make up another set of rules to really rub noses in it. This is the normal situation for real loving fathers, this is reality. Unfortunately some people get hung up on dead beats and can't see the real world.
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I don't see what that has to do with the posters circumstances evildeeds, he has a home a live in girlfriend and more kids. It appears from the post that even they believe they should pay something for the kids.
As i have asked already why should the parent with custody have to support the children on their own and what if that parent also decided they didn't want to do so any longer? The laws are there to protect the kids not the adults to ensure children have the basics to keep them healthy. How does the parent with custody work with kids? do we want our kids growing up on benefits so the absent parent doesn't need to part with any cash. what's the answer if it is not for both parents to take equal responsibility for the care of there kids?
There are many many wrongs in the legal system when it comes to divorce and custody etc but making the parent who doesn't have custody free from financial responsibility for there kids is not going to rectify this.
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Agreed Moppet, although there are other criteria which MUST be met.
What I do not agree with you on is the fact that he has had another child with someone else. So did his ex-wife. So what. It has nothing to do with he shouldn't have another unless he can pay for those he has had before. Same should apply to his ex-wife then. He has already lost one family, he is more than entitled to another.
I've seen this argument rise even when fathers are paying a large amount to kids from a previous marriage and the ex-wife wants more and more with the argument "well you went and had more kids".......how much is enough? Anyway to answer your questions.....
"As i have asked already why should the parent with custody have to support the children on their own and what if that parent also decided they didn't want to do so any longer?"
The OP stated the ex-wife was living with another person and they had kids of their own.
"How does the parent with custody work with kids?"
The same way 2 parents with kids work. Or as most here do, use a maid or family.
"what's the answer if it is not for both parents to take equal responsibility for the care of there kids?"
I will say it again, taking responsibility for kids is far more than financial. But some see it as that and only that. They are contributing more to their kids development problems than any money can solve.
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The wife is asking him to pay something for there current children, as they live with her she is already supporting them so her having another child is not relevant. However the husband has started another family without any thought to providing financially for the children he already has. I believe we all have to make choices in life and allot of them are based on our financial standing.
I agree it's not fair that having children should be based on income but you know life isn't fair and having kids is a huge responsibility and very expensive. It is something you need to plan for and money comes into it.
I believe the courts decide what is fair if parents cannot agree this between themselves.
So what your saying is it's ok for the boyfriend / girlfriend to pay to support the Rx's kids but not for the ex.
What if the parent with custody hasn't got a new person in there life to support there children?
who pays for a maid?
Maybe some people do see it that way but i'm not one of them i believe as i said both parents should take equal responsability for there kids in every area not just financially but ensuring my kids had food, clothing and a roof over there head would be my first priority.
Anyway i guess we've said all we can on this evildeeds
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