Single Mum crying out lound for help

Hi All,


I'm a pure Hongkie, but was educated overseas, I've got married 5yrs ago in UK have a baby girl whom I love and adore, things didn't work out between me and my ex after 3yrs of marriage, so I decided to bring the princess back to HK in 2006 and start fresh. I'm working in hotel S&M started as a Sales Co. and work my way up and have been promoted to Account Ex in Mar. The princess is happy and adorable and I enjoy what I do. But one thing which has been bugging me is, I'm living with my parents and they are traditional Chinese, they expect so much out of me and whatever I do is not up to their standard and satifaction, my mum even thinks that I'm ashamed to the family with a borken marriage and ran back home with a child. To be honest, they loved and adore my daughter, but both of them are unreasonable and extremly self centered, for one instance, my dad decided to renovate the house without letting me know while I was away on holiday with my daughter, by the time we arrived home, our bedroom were empty with no furniture, not a bed to sleep on, every single furniture in house are cover in Newspapers and plastic....I had to take days off from work and take my daughter out of the house in order to avoid the dust in the house and lets not mention I've been sleeping on a one seater sofa for the past few nights....I do appreciate what they do for me, but they always plan things for me without asking me whether I would like it or not....if I don't show my appreciation of what they do for me, I will be living in hell for a week or so...I was planning to get a maid to avoid the conflict, but we hv no more spare bedroom 4 the maid. I'm just wondering if theres any single mums out there is experiencing the same secnario and would like to move out but not yet able to afford all expenses and would like to share a flat and a maid?? I am independent and have stable income, I'm rasining my child solely on my own, as my ex is not paying a penny which I don't care much. I'm not asking for any charity here, just a mum who is trying to provide a better and healthy life style for her child. Argument between the adults is not a good example for my child......

Hi I saw other replies too before this thread was moved. I think your parents will never change. Traditionally chinese parents are like that. It is quite difficult to live with them under one roof in your situation, I think. Just a rough calculation, you are earning roughly 30K, right. Lots of families in HKG are earning less than that but they are just doing fine. I dont know where you work and where you live, but if you can move to somewhere in the NT, you rent can be a bit cheaper. As for the kindergarten's fee, can you get the .. what do you call it.. cash coupon from the government to ease a bit of the financial tension? It wld be ideal if you can find a friend to share the flat and the maid, but sounds too good to be true in reality. I meant more conflicts might come up.


Back to living with your parents, dont get me wrong... do you think your princess enjoy the love of the extended family? Since you are a single mum, you might need help from time to time so living with your parents do have some merits. Arguments between adults is not a good example.. but really depends... children cannot live in a perfect world all the time. As long as you get time to explain to her what is going on, I think that isnt so bad.

happymumj, I feel for you. It must be so hard for you. You came back wanting a start and hoping that your family will be supportive but unfortunately you didn't get it. I understand how traditional Hong Kong parents can be. I'm not HK Chinese but I married into a Hong Kong family and over the years, have learnt to accept that they are who they are.


I know it isn't nice that they renovate without telling you, but at the same time, you have to respect that it is their place and they have a right to do so. They probably didn't think of asking you because they feel it is their place. I had it a lot worse. My MIL came into my newly renovated apartment and felt it was her right to dismantle MY furniture so she could put hers in. I was furious and because my hsuband told her how I felt, she told us that from then on, she would not stay with us. I too thought at the time that it was just courtesy to tell us about the renovation, not just transform everything when I was out with hubby.


You can do a lot for 30k. I live in Sheung Shui, okay, it isn't exactly a "posh" area but you don't need that. For a two bedroom apartment, you're probably looking at 5k or less and you're right next to the station. You could share a room with your daughter or have her share with a helper. Helper will cost you HK$5k all up (for salary, levy, insurance, food etc). A helper can attend to your daughter while you're at work.


Schools around the area aren't so bad. My daughter goes to Anchors (they have the local and international stream) and the fees are around HK$2600+HK$570 for the school bus. So say if you do the same, that means you're looking at putting 15k aside for school + helper. Or, as Mighty said, you can consider free schooling. You'll need to put aside money for bills as well, but with carefuly budgeting, I'm sure you'll be fine with HK$30k.


I have a friend living in Taipo who's only paying HK$5k for rent as well. Her place is near the station and it has two bedrooms and a comfortable size family room.


I think it's better for your relationship if you don't live together. You can always bring your daughter over your parents during the weekends and they'll know you still care.


It's tough but you it can work... and you'll be a lot happier having a place of your own that you can be proud of... a place where you know you can do whatever you want.


Good luck. I always pray for God's help......, not in making my problems go, but to give me the courage to face up to them.

Hi MayC,


Thx for your advise and unfortunately I don't earn as much as you think I am. But how bizzar, my daughter is studying in Anchors too, she is studying IN1 and will be studying K1 at the new branch in Constebelle Cove (I think thats how it spelt) which is only 5mins drive away from where we live. I would love to have a place of my own and of course can save alot of arguments too.....but owning my own place is really a matter of time......

happymumj, I'm so sorry for my mistake! I went along with Mighty's assumption, thinking it was real. My apologies.


Yes, I agree, it takes time.


What a co-incidence that our children are in the same school. I forget how the IN numberings work... but my daughter has just completed K1 in the local stream and will be going onto K2 next year. We're at Fuller Gardens.


I am not a single mother but if you're interested in a get-together, please send me a private message.


Take care!

Sorry MayC, I made the wrong calculation and misled you. Because happymumj said almost '2/3 of her salary...' As I live in a village near Tai Po, so I know, middle floor of a village house will just be 4k+. If you hvnt thought of living in a village house. Lots near Tai Po and Tai Wo. Good luck.

Hi Mighty and MayC,


Thank you very much for all you support and advise, of course would love to have a mummies and kids get together, which village are you living in near Tai Po?? I'm living in one of the village near Chinese University, so I guess we must be close, right??