Posted by
Fluery
18 yrs ago
Not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice but worth a try I guess. I quit work back in April to look after my baby. Obviously I enjoy every minute with my baby and I manage to have some time to myself during the week either shopping or meeting up with friends. Weekends are difficult when I look forward to having my husband around but he wants to go surfing and golfing after a week's work. Of course I don't want to ask him not to go but every time he goes, I feel abandoned and end up getting quite upset. He complains that he hates spending his weekends stuck inside a mall but what else can I do on weekends with a 7-months old baby? Malls are the only place with good nursing facility or else I'll just have to stay at home.
I take my baby to play groups at friends' house but weekends are supposed to be family time. Maybe I should look up play groups on weekends.
I would really appreciate any advice on either how to manage an active husband as a new mom or fun family activities on weekends. Thanks a lot!
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There's this sort of myth that all mothers love spending all their time with their kids. This is hardly true and it doesn't mean mothers who get a bit bored playing with their kids are bad mothers. So first of all don't worry. You are perfectly normal.
"Malls are the only place with good nursing facility or else I'll just have to stay at home. "
Seriously? Kids can go most anywhere with a little planning. We have taken our little ones:
- Hiking (Baby Björn). Bring a pick nick.
- To the beach. Sand is FUN!
- To the pool. Babies love being in the water. Just never let go. ;)
- To Ocean Park.
- To lunch or dinner. This requires a bit of timing but is fully doable.
- Etc...
As for nursing, this should not be a problem. Just nurse where you need to. No one is going to say anything on the beach or on the hiking trail.
"i've taken both of my kids where-ever i needed to go. it does complicate things a little, but there's no reason in the world that you have to stay secluded in your home just because you have a baby!"
Hear hear cara.
"Weekends are difficult when I look forward to having my husband around but he wants to go surfing and golfing after a week's work. Of course I don't want to ask him not to go but every time he goes, I feel abandoned and end up getting quite upset."
Have you told him how you feel? Quite frankly I think your husband is being quite selfish. I used to travel all week long. When I got home my first thought wasn't to escape again. Of course I sometimes did stuff on my own, but not all the time. The kids are mine too so I would spend time wtih my family on the weekend. The least he could do if he takes a weekend day "off" is for him to let you have one.
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Robyn
18 yrs ago
Insparation lake at Disney, I love going there to let Katelyn have a play on the grass.
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I second going to the beach, just rent a big umbrella which is usually available at most beaches and let your baby crawl around. He'll love it and he can't hurt himself on the soft sand. Try yogurt or mash bananas (very easy to bring) if you're not comfortable with public nursing. Your hubby can do his surfing thing as well! The lawn in Cyberport is also great for kids. Bring a picnic blanket if your little one is not fond of grass.
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If you go right to the top of the Peak there is the most grass I've seen anywhere in HK - great for families.
I do agree with the others that your hubby is being a bit selfish but being almost married to a windsurfer means I can understand your frustration - everything gets planned around the wind and you can't plan that. Anyway what we did in NZ (not alot of good windsurfing in HK) was that either I would go with him _ we bought me a great beach chair, blanket and umbrella - or with windsurfing it is also dependent on the tide so we would plan to spend half a day together and the other half he would do his thing and I would do mine.
Admittedly the HK heat doesn't make it easy. Good luck in finding a solution.
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It's really important for your sanity and your babies ability to fit into any situation that you're flexible with your routine. I've seen it happen with Moms who limit themselves to organizing their lives around their babies. Sure, your lives change a lot after baby is born and things will never be the same but it's not about trying to maintain the life you knew but about finding new ways to exist as a family. A certain amount of routine is good but it shouldn't stop you from going wherever you want to go, all together, and nurse where you want and feed your baby on the go. Your baby should fit into your lives, not the other way round. That attitude really does make for a happier baby.
Secondly, if you have an issue with your husband you have to talk about it. There's no doubt that he's being selfish and he sounds like he needs to understand that things are different now and though it's OK for him to do his own thing every now and then, he has a family now and they need him to function. It's also OK for you to leave the baby with him on a Sunday and you go off and have some alone time. You have to trust him to do the right thing.
All that said, he should want to spend time as a family with his new baby, it shouldn't be a struggle. Good luck.
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agree with all of the above - just one other point - do you have a helper? if you do, make sure you have some time (even just 1 hour a day) to yourself and go and do something - even just sit by the pool with a book, gym, a walk - will help to keep you sane.
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Thank you all for your advice. I talked to my husband about trying to include me and our baby in having fun on weekends rather than just running off to have fun himself. He agreed so we'll try to go to the places you suggested as a family. I'll also try to be more relaxed about baby's schedule and where I can bring her. It's been a very steep learning curve for me as a new mother. I was terrified to even go outside with her for the first 3 months. At least now I can comfortably bring her outside. I guess I just have to keep trying. Thanks again for your kind words.
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Hang in there Fluery. Being a mom is tricky business.
One way to feel "comfortable" going out is to just take a walk. That way you put baby in stroller already at home and don't have to do a lot of car/bus transfers etc... A nice lie down stroller is just as good as a bed. In fact in winter in the US our daughter would take her nap in the stroller. Below freezing temperatures make for red cheeks and good sleep.
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Kim11
18 yrs ago
all the advice sounds great. Also try to plan a bit of time for you and your husband alone so he doesn't feel like the baby has taken over everything. Some people might think that is selfish but after 2 kids and just beginning to realize that we as a couple actually need to some first some times I think it is important too. Even just once a month for a few hours will help both of you.
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"Also try to plan a bit of time for you and your husband alone so he doesn't feel like the baby has taken over everything."
God yes. We love spending time with our kids but we also love "parent's night out". Nothing like having a conversation and being able to finish sentences. ;) We go out to dinner or a movie about once a week.
Also, we ensure that a couple of nights a week, after the kids are in bed, we just hang out and watch a movie or something at home. This of course necessitates regular sleeping habits, but those will come in time.
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Few tips!
Spend enuf time with your baby during weekdays and leave some for your husband for wend.If you have a helper, it's ok to drop the baby with her and have fun alongwith him. Mix and Match sounds good! Two weekends with him, and two wends he could spend family time with you, coz he has to understand that you give up a lot of time with the baby and that you do nd some time with him vizaviz he has to spend some personal time with you as well.If any of your friend's helper would be helpful to you on hour basis, who is definintely more familiar.
But if you still do not prefer to leave the baby behind, then at least two ends u can manage to go with her/him, managing with milk bottles.
Disnelyland, parks, Zoological/Botanical gardens are gr8 fun with baby, poppy and mommy!
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"do what many married couples do in a hotel room (nudge, nudge, wink, wink!) "
I'm sorry cara but married couples with kids share a bottle of wine while they talk about their kids, then they fall asleep. ;)
Seriously though. Great idea.
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Fluery, if you can get away then try. A night away makes the world of difference. I know it's difficult and you miss them like crazy and worry, but the time for yourself does wonders.
I am counting down the days when my mum arrives (8 weeks!) and my husband and I are booking into a hotel in HK for the night while mum looks after my 5yr old and 3 month old. WAAHOOO!! Can't wait, but i know I'm going to miss my babies, but I also know I will go stir crazy without the decent break.
You will run yourself into the ground if you don't take a break and with that run the risk of post natal depression (which can strike at any time).
With my first, I didn't leave the house for ages (except on weekends with my husband) as I didn't have the confidence. I had PND and really had to push myself and not be afraid of putting my baby out of routine. I look at it this way: my baby may be out of routine when we go out, but it only takes one feed and up session to put him/her back again.
I work on that motto and I feel more confident knowing I won't have a screaming, unsettled, overtired baby all day and night.
Good Luck
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