Excluded by friends in secondary school

My daughter has just moved up to secondary school in HK and has started to be excluded by her old group of friends. This has coincided with the inclusion of a more popular girl in the group who my daughter does not get on with. Does anybody know of any good books my daughter could read to help her get through this difficult time?

Not sure of a good book, but does the school have a counsellor. He/she may be able to help your daughter adapt and possibly recommend some books. It would be confidential, so her "friends" need not know. You could even see the counsellor yourself if your daugther didn't want to and the two of you could work through it together perhaps.


It's horrible to think she is going through a difficult time. Kids (particularly teenage girls) can be so cruel. I hope she is strong enough to rise above it with your support. Good Luck!

I do agree with the above post that girls in particular can be dreadful at this age. And I know how upsetting this situation can be, not only for your daughter, but you as well. It's an awful feeling when your child is upset and you want to protect them, but unfortunately we can't protect them from everything.


I know it won't make you or your daughter feel any better right now, but in my experience with my own daughter, and that of my friends with their daughters, when they start secondary school they tend to meet many new students from other primary schools and some who they may acutally 'click' with even more so than the children that they have grown up with in primary school. At this age, they are changing into young adults and often their ideals of what kind of friends they want to hang out with changes. For some, this takes longer than others, and many will try to cling onto the same friends from primary school. My own teenaged daughter now has a group of very good friends, but hardly any of them are ones who she was at primary school with. The best advice I can give is to encourage your daughter to try to widen her circle of friends, and encourage her to bring them home for weekend sleepovers, or to go to the movies etc. She's only just moved to secondary school so she's still going through the 'settling-in' period. It's a time with lots of changes, but I'm sure with your support and encouragement she'll get through it just fine.


If you are particularly concerned then I'd suggest having a word with your daughter's form tutor first of all to see how she settling in, and I'd bet that you won't be the first parent to voice her concerns. Good luck!

I find Flashback's advice very sensible, here. If she's determined to stay friends with the old group, it sound like the best way. It's probably best to swallow her pride for a while. Of course, it's easier said than done, there's only so much one can take, but if she turns her nose at them for favouring the new girl (which i'm not saying she does), she will definitely loose them.

Having said that, she should be careful how long she "keeps a low profile", as she could become the girl in the group whose opinion doesn't matter and will always follow no matter what. This is a "profile" that's hard to break as well, even when she makes new friends later.

Thanks everybody for your great advice.

I am the mother of five daughters and have been through similar episodes with two of my daughters. It is heartbreaking at the time but both pulled through are fine now. Do talk to her form tutor and Head of year- it is always usful that the teachers are aware of what is giong on and can keep a watchful eye on her. One really interesting book I read was "Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence. " by Rosalind Wiseman (the book that the film Mean Girls was based on). It will help you understand the dynamics of situations like this and possible solutions.