Posted by
MayC
18 yrs ago
Hi, my little girl got accepted into full day school last month. My helper, who has another 5 months on her contract decided to resign upon hearing this because she says we won't need her and she'd like to seek medical treatment for her rapid hair loss after the surgery she did two months ago. She's VERY worried despite constant assurances from me.
Anyway, we've decided we will not hire a new helper because she'll be at school from 8am-5pm. She has to eat her lunch and nap at her school. Afternoon, I heard is just all play - this month's afternoon is all about dinasours, so it's not like she has to study all day.
My problem is this... she's crying day and night, AND she's refusing her breakfast. She tells me that she does not want to eat and sleep there. She's quite spoiled at home in that she gets fed by my helper at home and my helper usually takes an hour to put her to bed in the afternoon. She's also probably missing her comfort at home.
My old helper has called to say that her niece would like to come to Hong Kong for work and she's really pleasant (apparently).
So I am now trying to decide what to do. What would be better? Full day or half day with a helper? If she too young for full day?
Any comments would be much appreciated.
Thank you.
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cd
18 yrs ago
My son started proper school at 4 1/4, with many reservations by me. I only sent him in the end because his friends were starting, and if he'd stayed at home he would have had no friends to play with. Anyway he loved it. I've know quite a few children start at 4 and they all loved it.
I think once she's started she will enjoy eating lunch there with all her new friends. I'm surprised about the naps, don't know of any 4 year olds that still nap every day.
When is she due to start, do you have time to start teaching her more independance at home. She certainly should be feeding herself, taking herself to the toilet, know how to wash her hands etc, put her shoes on. These are all things she would be expected to do at school, and if she can't do them maybe its making her feel nervous.
Keep talking to her about school, stress all the good points and the fun things she'll do and the friends she'll make. Asked the school if its possible to take her in and show her round so the place won't be so strange.
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Hi I wonder if you are both talking about primary schools or a full time nursery/kindi. If you are talking about primary schools, I guess it is ESF, right? My daughter is also going to ESF from this August. She was born in Dec and is the second youngest in class. Like cd, both my husband and myself had a lot of reservations before sending her to school, fearing that she is too young. Well, so far so good but I must emphasize that she is zonked every day after school. She was used to full day nursery but I guess new things (learning n meeting new friends etc) is afterall a very exhausting thing for a child less than 5.
MayC, I agree with cd that your child should be more independent, not for the sake of going to school but for her own good. Dont get me wrong. .. I can understand if you are a working mum, then your child relies lots on your helper. However, you can still tell your helper that you want your child to be more independent so that she can let her do things (things that she can do) on her own.
I think your daughter will be fine once she starts. Just like us, children also get anxious when facing the unknown. I think she benefits more from school than spending her half with the helper. The helper wl be new anyway, so again she needs some adjustment in either case. Good luck.
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It sounds like she has been a bit spoilt and maybe "babied" too much by the helper. Our son, 2.9, has been in day care since he was 11 months. At 18 months he entered the toddler room and he has just recently moved up to preschool ("I'm a SENIOR now, daddy!"). Earlier this year, at home, he started asking me or my wife to help feed him, even though he has been feeding himself for many months before. We obliged for some reason, but not long after his teachers mentioned to my wife that he had stopped feeding himself at school and would ask the teachers to help him.
We immediately stopped helping him at home and he resumed feeding himself, albeit not without some protest.
I agree with Mighty: she will get used to the new situation and learn and grow from it.
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It;s impossible to know which way this will go: it could be that your daughter is just too young for such a long day and that she'll continue to feel very upset, or it could be that she'll adjust. You don't give the age of your child, but it does seem she is genuinely distressed and not just "spoiled".
I have 2 boys, ages 3.5 and 5, the older one has just started at ISF and his school day is 7.55 - 2.30 and he finds that a long day. Half a year ago he requested full days at pre-school 3 times a week and he hated it and I had to cancel the arrangement because he became so distressed.
On the other hand, his younger brother is completely different, he does 5 mornings 9-12 noon and there is no doubt in my mind that if I signed him up for longer days he'd take it in his stride without so much as a bat of the eyelids, even though he's only 3.5. The only reason my youngest only does mornings is because I want to prolong the time I have with him!
But if you do decide to keep your daughter at home and hire another helper, I would be really careful before hiring the relative of your present DH. At least interview her thoroughly over the phone, she probably won't be anything like the helper you've got now, they are 2 completely different people after all!
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"My problem is this... she's crying day and night, AND she's refusing her breakfast. She tells me that she does not want to eat and sleep there. She's quite spoiled at home in that she gets fed by my helper at home and my helper usually takes an hour to put her to bed in the afternoon. She's also probably missing her comfort at home."
Regardless of the rest, this is the issue you need to solve. At 4, she should be feeding herself and fall asleep by herself. That should happen at 15-24 months. You need to toughen up and work on those and other things. The rest will solve itself.
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cd
18 yrs ago
Maybe its taking your helper an hour to put her to bed in the afternoon because your daughter is 4 and doesn't really want or need an afternoon nap anymore. What time does she go to bed at night?
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"Maybe its taking your helper an hour to put her to bed in the afternoon because your daughter is 4 and doesn't really want or need an afternoon nap anymore. What time does she go to bed at night?"
Some kids still do well with a nap at 4, but not all. It's a good point.
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MayC
18 yrs ago
To cd and axptguy38, I agree that perhaps my daughter doesn't really need an afternoon nap anymore. She sleeps at 8pm at night and wakes up at 7.20am in the morning now.
She's able to sleep for an hour at school each day (according to her teachers) but she refuses her nap at home. I was unsure because up until she started school this September, she's always had a 3 hour nap in the afternoon and she'd still sleep from 9pm-7pm and it had worked REALLY well until now.
Since starting full day school, every morning has been a battle. She tells me that she hates school. She complains about eating and sleeping there. Her teacher has been telling her that she does not want to talk to children who cry. She refuses her milk and her breakfast in the morning. She also refuses to put on her uniform. I'm at wits end with her.
So much so that I've been visiting agencies and asking my helper if she would stay another few months with us. My helper has decided she needs to go home straight away due to her medical condition so that will leave me without a helper for 2 months (if I choose to rehire). I found a helper who I think would suit our household however it will take 2 months for her to come over.
Whether it's for 2 months or longer, my little girl has little choice but to get used to full day school. Urgh.
Hubby and I are so exhausted that we are really reconsidering this whole full day school thing :-(
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"Since starting full day school, every morning has been a battle. She tells me that she hates school. She complains about eating and sleeping there. Her teacher has been telling her that she does not want to talk to children who cry. She refuses her milk and her breakfast in the morning. She also refuses to put on her uniform. I'm at wits end with her."
Most kids go through "no!" periods. I know it is hard (oh, how I know) but you have to stick with it. "Giving up" now will only make it worse since she will get her way. Try to stay calm. Don't get mad. Be patient but firm.
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