almost 2 and newborn

My almost 2 hasn't had any of the issues that I prepared for in anticipation of her new sibling's arrival -- instead, she is sweet as can be until he falls asleep and when I get up to put him down for his nap she starts to squeal "Noooo! No sleep! Play!" etc. End result is that he wakes up, gets overtired, has a hard time falling asleep, so I'd like to nip this one in the bud, but how? So far, tried to distract her with Pingu [we very rarely let her watch any TV, so I figured it would be mesmerizing, but no], reason with her, scold her....


We haven't had many issues with her behavior, and none that we couldn't solve quickly and easily, so I haven't had much practice with disciplining her yet. I thought she was going to start having tantrums at one point -- she was refusing to walk down the stairs and wanted to be carried instead -- but we solved that one simply by asking her if she wanted to walk or be carried -- she wants to walk 95% of the time anyway.


Any advice? She is still really fascinated by him, and I really do think that the issue is that she's not done looking at him yet -- it is especially severe with his first nap of the day, and she tends to rejoice when she hears him waking up, even though it means that whatever we're doing will be interrupted.

All kids are different of course, but you never know what will set off a month long jealousy spree. ;)


My advice is to be very patient, very consistent and very persistent. Our #2 was born 18 months after #1. That was 18 months ago and the jealousy incidents are still an almost daily occurrence. Certainly nowadays we're not talking the twice daily 15-30 minute screaming fits of rage anymore, and it's quite manageable at this point.


You need to be very very tough on her waking him up. That is the one thing our #1 knows will get her briefly scolded, then completely ignored as we focus 100% of our attention on #2. Even negative attention is attention, so ignoring her when she has woken up #2 is really the best strategy. Offering up TV is not really a good strategy since you are rewarding her bad behavior. Of course you can use TV to distract her but not after she has already been bad. Use time outs as necessary. It does take some time.


Another issue is the taking of toys. Make it very clear, and enforce it, that taking toys that #2 is playing with is a big no-no. After a few months this problem was solved for us, and now if #1 wants that particular toy she has to barter for another toy and accept a possible "no".



"she was refusing to walk down the stairs and wanted to be carried instead -- but we solved that one simply by asking her if she wanted to walk or be carried -- she wants to walk 95% of the time anyway."


The best thing is to only carry her on certain occasions, for example first thing in the morning. It is good to learn that she isn't a baby any more and that #2 does indeed get special treatment. Also if you give her the choice you may run into trouble when it is not possible for you to carry her (#2 + laundry in your arms).



One great thing we did (well, grandma did) was get #1 a big doll to take care of when #2 was born. She used to do everything with that doll. Dress it, change diaper, "feed it", burp it, cuddle it, rock it to sleep, walk it around in a little stroller. So she go to be "mom" as well without subjecting poor baby to her constant attention.

"it seems to me that the biggest problem we usually have is that my boy wants to hold my girl's hand or cuddle her and she isn't having any of it...."


Hehe. True. It's cute but unfortunately #1 isn't quite old enough to figure out that #2 has "rights" regardless of not being able to speak. I think #1 still sees #2 a little bit like an animated toy. This is slowly changing as #2 learns to communicate.

This worked for us, I wrote on a piece of paper "please don't touch the sleeping baby" and taped it to the baby's bassinet. My 21mth old naturally asked what it says, I told him, and he hasn't bothered the 5mth old while he's sleeping since!!! I am still surprised at how this has worked for us. Same goes for Dada's Cubby - we have a sign there too. Very often when #1 gets the urge to touch the sleeping baby or dada's cubby I will hear him remind himself what the sign says. :)

Thanks everyone for the advice -- we seem to have gotten over the major hurdle. I had only used TV etc as prophylactic distractions, and the getting carried downstairs thing was six or eight months ago, so I'm not too concerned about her becoming a fulltime monster. It turned out to be more of a phase than a new habit -- I scolded her and ignored her once and let her hang out and talked with her the whole time that I was putting him down once and now she has moved on to other interests...