Posted by
axptguy38
17 yrs ago
If you have a maid, you should be ok. You seem to have a good support system.
I will say though, that the presence of your mother or other family member (assuming you get along well) can be very nice. Many new mothers feel a bit out of their depth despite themselves. This is no reflection on parenting skill. Once you haven't slept for a few weeks even the sharpest brain will be a bit dulled. ;)
My wife's aunt was around for #1 and my mother in law for #2. A couple of weeks. As for having time to cook and such, don't be too optimistic. Young babies have a way of absorbing all your time. Not saying you won't have time to cook, just don't count on it.
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Agree with axptguy38, don't count on having energy to burn because sadly you will probably be craving your sleep more than anything else in the worl! Sleep deprivation is a killer and that comment is coming from an insomniac! I had my mum over for nearly 6 weeks (mainly to help out with my 5 year old and giving her a little bit of extra attention).
Having a helper certainly takes the burden away from worrying about housework. However, if you husband is working long hours, then as much as you want to have every minute with your bub, sometimes it's nice to zap out and have someone else in the house who can be on hand if the baby wakes up.
Don't knock back the help, just simply say thanks for the offer and I'll see how I go. That way you aren't saying no nor are you offending anyone. I don't think people doubt your ability, but those who have been through new motherhood stage knows that sometimes it's good to know there is help when needed.
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cd
17 yrs ago
Agree with the above. Having a baby is a lot easier in HKG because of having a helper, so you don't have to worry about cleaning, ironing etc. You will probably find it hard just to fit the cooking in although not impossible, I never had a helper with my first 3 (including one that was in and out of hospital a lot), so still had to do all the housework, cooking etc. So it can be done. But if you want to spend all your time with your baby, then make the most of any help you're offered. I wouldn't let my helper even hold my last 2 kids until they were about 6 weeks old at least, whereas I would let a relative hold them. Its good having an extra pair of hands just to be able to go to the bathroom in peace, have a nice relaxing bath, or a quick nap. The tiredness in the first few weeks after having your baby is unbelievable, and you will be surprised at how much time a young baby takes up. Plus if its the grandparents who are offering the help, then its a special time for them too becoming grandparents, even if you can't find much for them to do at least they can cuddle and get to know the baby.
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you dont really need much help during the day in my experience (given that you have the maid to do the chores) at all - as long as you have had decent sleep at night. We had a night nurse for the first 4 months for 5 nights a week - she took over feeding our twins and we slept... Was amazing, really that's what kept us sane i think. We did not have maid at the time either - just a cleaning lady once a week - and i managed just fine - all because of 5 nights of proper sleep a week!
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have you had your baby already? babies don't sleep!!! well most babies anyway. :) as for your mother coming - guess it all depends on your mother. from my experience, i loved having my mother here in the first few weeks of my baby's life. she also loves to cook and would cook all my favorite dishes while i hung out with baby or tried to get some sleep. she is also quite independent and would love to go out to the wet markets to explore and buy stuff to cook or go and run errands and "see" HK whilst she was out. i can understand your dilemma though if you feel obliged to take her out to have fun. but most grandmas are just happy to loll around the house and admire their new grandkid and possibly get in the way, but that is part of the experience!!!
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My thinking was the same as yours when I was pregnant and waiting for the arrival of my little one. I did everything on my own (didn't have a helper) and figured that I would be able to handle my baby. My mother lives overseas, and my MIL isn't the most hands-on person. For those reasons, my MIL hired a doula for me for two months post-birth. I didn't object because I figured the doula would be able to teach me a few things about taking care of a baby.
It turns out that having a doula was a lifesaver for me. I suffered slight PPD and had a lot of trouble establishing breast-feeding. All of the sudden, there were these factors affecting me that I had no expectation of. My doula helped me out through these difficulties, and most of all, I was able to catch up on sleep. My baby was clockwork - needed feeding every three hours. Often, I would have to spend an hour feeding and burping him. Then there would be the sleepless nights where he would just cry and cry for no reason.
I'll echo the sentiments of everyone else here by saying sleep is so valuable during the first few months, and a well-rested mother makes for a better mother. When the baby sleeps, you sleep. Leave the cooking to someone else.
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Don't forget your mum didn't come to sightsee, she came to be with you and meet her new grandchild.
When I was sitting around the house the last week of my pregnancy and after the birth, I felt bad for my mum because she wasn't really doing much except looking after my 5 year old, but as she said, she came over for to help out and to bond with her new grandson and be with her granddaughter also. That's why she came over in the first place.
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PDNS
17 yrs ago
After 21 months of having baby I still hope that my mom or mother in-law will come to help so I can sleep well at night! My MIL was here for a month after I gave birth, oh, hope it was longer!
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-sa
17 yrs ago
Do you already have the baby? If you don't need help, then you are fine. Just curious though, how long does the baby sleep? In the first month they should be feeding every 3-4hours, right? Thats hardly a sleep marathon and thats max. 2 hours sleep at any given time..... You are a super woman to have time for hobbies..:) I am 3 weeks into this and am paranoid at the thought of my mom leaving and not having any time to myself.
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We are all in favor because we've seen what can happen haha. But hey, every baby and every parent is different. Find what works for you.
"I am beginning to feel obliged taking her out just so she has done somthing fun. "
"I hope I can think of something for her to do that occupies her for longer lengths of time."
As mentioned, she didn't come to sightsee. If she wants to run out, there are plenty of activities she can manage solo. Send her on a ferry to Lantau, then a hike up to the Buddha. That'll keep her busy for a day. ;)
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Z
17 yrs ago
And these things can change as well. It is common for kids to do nothing but eat and sleep the first couple of weeks and then things can change dramatically. With our daughter, right after she was born, we managed to pack up our house and we moved when she was 21 days old. No problems whatsoever. However, pretty much as soon as we were in our new city, before we even got settled in, colic began. There was a month where she cried on average from 7pm until midnight every night. Unfortunately, our helper left at 5 every day, and her papa was working until midnight most nights.
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Idllsvn - where did you find your night nurse?
Bluetapestries - where did you find your doula?
I have one 26 month old toddler and 2nd one might be on the way and I have a maid. thinking of having part time maid instead but need help with a 2nd baby. It seems night nurse/doula would help me get some night sleep so that i can do some housework during day and grocery shopping.
Does anyone find it manageable with one toddler and one baby without full time maid? ie can you do the grocery shopping in addition to looking after your kids, ,my toddler is attending morning school so have morning free for shopping.
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cd
17 yrs ago
Of course you can manage it, I had 3 beofre I came out here with no help.
Millions of people do it all the time. That said, if you can afford some help, get it. Personally I would get somebody to do the cleaning, ironing etc, and I would look after the baby myself.
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