My 22month old boy is crazy about cars. I mean "CRAZY in the CRAZIEST way". He recognizes the different car brands on the roads. When he sees a picture, he will spot a car even if that car is so small in the backgroud. Everything that is round is a steering wheel or wheel.
In short, i am sick and tired of this enthusiasm! I don't think this is healthy and I am very worried how he is too focused on just one thing!
Now his god-parents have bought him a Formula One car bed!!!!! How do i reject this gift in a polite manner?
Also if anyone has insights on how i can get him interested in other stuff.
thanks
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why dont you let him have the formula one bed - imagine how much he will love that!! he is a child, a boy as well - some people get worried if their boys get interested in dolls, you have no problems at all!! :)
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because he does not need more encouragement. to have a car as a bed is way over the top - i think. to the point of spoiling him. I don't want to give him the idea that I am "so supportive" of his interest in cars!!!
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Kids are like this, they find an interest and it helps them to learn. Use it to your advantage, you'll find things like teaching to read is much easier as they have an interest. With my eldest it was Dinosaurs and he could identify them all. They do grow out of it eventually but don't be scared to use his interest in the meantime.
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is there no polite way of rejecting the gift ?
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Let your son enjoy being a child!
What is so wrong with having an avid interest? As evildeeds mentioned, your son will probably move on with his interests as he grows up.
What is it that you find so negative about your son's interest? Are you finding it detrimental to his development? Is he lagging in other areas of learning?
There are a lot of interactive and educational ways in which you could enjoy this interest with your son, everything from developing his artistic skills through to learning the basics of kinetics. Hardly a bad thing.
Most little boys I know would be over the moon to receive a super cool formula one bed. You can't force children to change their interests, they'll end up begrudging you if it continues throughout their development. Embrace the challenge. A supportive parent who engages themselves into their children's interests is a wonderful influence.
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cd
17 yrs ago
Agree, most boys would love a car bed, even if they are not that interested in cars, how exciting for him to go to bed at night. And what are grandparents for if not to spoil the grandchildren.
And whats wrong with him being interested in cars, maybe he will grow up to be a mechanic or engineer, or even a car designer, or a formula 1 racing driver...
just out of interest, which set of grandparents has brought the car bed.... my guess the in-laws.
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I think it was the godparents cd.
Agree with your statement regarding the boy's future. Being so passionate about something is a wonderful gift! Something to be harnessed if he chooses that path.
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no there is no polite way to reject a gift! a gift is a gift. the best thing you can do is to explain to them honestly why you do not want the gift and then you will be faced with the same discussion that is happening above. good luck. :)
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Agreed with Sashimi Girl, be honest about it to them. They will either understand or take offence.
You know it really is normal for a child to be obsessed. It's like my daughter is obsessed with anything to do with butterflies or Princesses. When she saw Cinderalla at Disney for the first time I thought she was either going to faint or kidnap her!!
Don't forget he is only 2 and this is a new, exciting world for him to discover. It's like Thomas the Tank Engine, I see boys go insane over it.
Trust me, when he is 15 and a horny little teenager, you will wish that he had the car obsession he had at 2!
I think it 's quite impressive that he can tell the difference between cars at this age, shows he is quite intelligent.
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Well i agree with your thoughts about letting him be a child. But I don't agree with spoiling a child and there are many standards to what constitutes spoiling. The Formula 1 car bed is too extravagant in my view for 2 year old. It is setting a really high standard!
I do buy cars for him but every time he is naughty in some big way, I will take them away from him. Sometimes i throw them away or keep them in storage. I will tell him "only when u are good do u get to play with cars".
I am also desparate for him to learn to find happiness in other toys or areas of interest.
What's wrong with him being interested in cars?
I really hope that this obessession will not last beyond teenage. It is healthy to have an interest but not healthy to be obessesd. Everything he goes, he would go "car car car", it's like the only thing in his head.
It's his godparents buying the car bed.
I know i am not likely to get much support on my lack of support for his obessession.
thanks for your all views.
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ltxhk
17 yrs ago
Really it is very, very "normal" for 2 -5 year olds to have "obsessions" with cars, dinosaurs, princesses etc. For mine, it was also dinosaurs..... dinosaurs, and more dinosaurs. I would swear he taught himself to read in order to know the details of the dinosaur books. Everyone bought him dinosaurs.... books, puzzles, games, bedding, clothes.... it was endless. At 2 years old, he wanted to be a "paleontologist" and this lasted until 5. We never really encouraged the phase, but just let it take it's course. Now a teenager, he can barely remember all the dinosaur facts.... but he has fond memories of his play time.
Ironically, we used to think he might be interested in science. It could not be further from the case; but he remains an avid reader of everything. Take the phases in stride, and enjoy. There is far more to worry about later on.
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kids do find obsessions and to be honest, you can really work that to your advantage and get them to learn from it.
i know kids who are obsessed with cars, dinosaurs, planes, trains etc....and even some who are obsessed with guns and swords. would you prefer that he like guns and swords?
the fact that he can recognise all sort of different brands of cars at the age of 2 is brilliant!
as for the extravagant gift - any boy would love it and if i were you, i would accept it graciously. he's too young to keep expecting big presents later on - i wouldn't worry about that. i love buying presents for children (mine and others) and you should allow the godparents the pleasure of seeing him enjoy their present! let them do it this time but maybe speak to them next time about their extravagance?
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i soo agree with squiggles - there is no way you will spoil him by letting him have this car... a) he will not really remember that this was a present and oh, yes, i want that sort of presents from now on.. b) - well the standard for a present is set high but by the godparents - and for the godparents - let them be the one who spoils the kid. and you as a parent be more reasonable with presents... I always had my aunt giving me really nice presents - better than my parents - and that;s just the way it was in my mind - I never felt spoiled or expected my parents to top that!
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I think it is normal for little ones to have obsessions with things. My son was totally obsessed with planes and now he is totally obsessed with dump trucks, cement mixers and anything else construction related. We live in Singapore where there is a lot of construction going on and we cannot go out without him going nuts over the machinery around us. I don't think there is anything wrong with this. I see it as a hobby. I hope he grows up equally enthusiastic with something e.g. sports. I remember two of my nephews being totally obsessed with cars and able to tell the difference between a mini cooper and mini and the other nephews being obsessed with dinosaurs. Let him be a little boy.
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You need to stop obsessing about your son obsessing and enjoy the enjoyment your son is getting!!
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Z
17 yrs ago
You definitely need to have a little chat with his godparents about extravagant gifts -- it's just not okay that they didn't check with his parents first. Tell them that you appreciate the gesture, that you love having them in your kid's life, but that in fact this particular gift is exacerbating an ongoing power struggle that you are having with your son, and you would really appreciate if they could check with you first because you are sure that their intention was not to make your life more difficult.
from what you wrote, I'd also think that you should just let him enjoy, but I suspect that there is actually more of a backstory there that just didn't make it into the original post.
And as for rejecting a gift, of course you can. Simply say, "oh I do wish that you had checked with me first. X is just not appropriate for little Billy at this time." Otherwise, you'd have to accept motorcycles for 14 year olds from their bachelor uncles...
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agree with z, let the godparents know that in the future, a gift like this should require prior consultation with you, and you're not comfortable with it...but really I wouldn't worry about your son obsessing at 2 yrs old...he'll move on to other things with time, and in the mean time he's enjoying himself...
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I am really grateful to have all your views on this issue. I admit that a large part of my concern is me being too paranoid that he is crazy about "CARS". It seems to be in his blood - his dad is also this crazy! That's probably why i have my reservations about him losing this obessession.
I have decided to reject the gift even if his godparents will be offended. The reasoning is "" i am his mother, i have to live with whatever decisions i made for him now". Doting is the easy part!!!
Anyhow, I will try my best to relax on this and hopefully this tug of war will come to an end soon.
thanks again.
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"For mine, it was also dinosaurs..... dinosaurs, and more dinosaurs. I would swear he taught himself to read in order to know the details of the dinosaur books. Everyone bought him dinosaurs.... books, puzzles, games, bedding, clothes.... it was endless. At 2 years old, he wanted to be a "paleontologist" and this lasted until 5."
Ha, ha, ha! Now that was exactly the same as my eldest. Sat on my lap one evening when I got home from work and said "Dad, when I get big I want to be a Paleontologist....". He looked at books, we taught him to read and he soaked it all up. By the time he was 4 it had well passed. But he learned so much from it all.
I remember when I was small I was obsessed with space and being an astronaut. I read books, only wanted anything to do with space. But that passed. It's so normal, do not smoother it, that's the worst thing you can do.
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xox
17 yrs ago
A gift is a gift. I think it's a very thoughful and generous gift.
Be grateful.
There's nothing wrong with kids being into different things. Kids go through stages and his interests will change over time. Let him enjoy it and just think how much he'll love going to bed and sleeping...... which is a problem many parents face from time to time.
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Hi Germaine WS,
I remember we gave birth almost the same time, my boy is also 2 years old now and really obsessed with cars, not just cars but bus, trucks, trains, like yours maybe, anything with wheels. He only watches cars dvd, he doesn't like thomas much, only the disneyCARS movie and the rest of the gang. He has lots of books but he likes reading the car series. I'm supporting him as i know he enjoys it much.
He doesn't have interest with arts, balls......It must be a phase and it will soon pass. Better than playing with dolls ;-)
Like cara, i'll willing to buy the car bed too if you don't like it. He saw the pic from toys club magazine and he keeps on saying car bed, car bed. I just cannot afford to get it, but if money is not an issue, i'll be more than happy to give it to him.
I totally understand where you stand, sometimes i want to hide all his cars too.
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My son, 20 months, LOVES cars but he LOVES Credit Cards more than anything at this stage! He saw his father's credit cards and love it so his father gave a few expired cards for him to play; we taught him Visa, Master, AE.... and now everywhere he goes, he will look for those card stickers that stick outside those shops, pointed to the cards and say "cards, cards, cards" to everyone. If his god-parents will 'supp' him a card for his toys, clothes, playgroup fees... etc i will be the happies mom in town :) Well, just let your son enjoys it for now, he will soon move on to like other things. Honeypie, my son was having a little CAR conversation with your son the other day at the Mall! One said "yellow bus" and one said "taxi". Cute :)
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dear all, thank you so much for sharing your views.
I have rejected the car bed.
At the same time, due to a naughty espisode a week ago, i have now hide all cars. he has no cars at home to play with all. it has been so for a week now. 1st two days, he kept asking for it. The asking has stopped and he has found pleasure with other stuff. While he still likes reading books of cars but apart from that, he is occupying himself with other things.
I planned to bring cars back slowly, starting at Christmas.
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wow! that must have been seriously naughty episode. I have never punished my kids for this long, but then maybe i should, they are getting a bit naughty...
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cd
17 yrs ago
Sorry, but can't understand how you can punish a 22month old by taking all his favourite toys away for 5 weeks. Even supernanny only advocates a few days. It seems that it is you that has a problem with his enjoyment of cars not him. It looks like you think if you take the cars away for long enough he will get over his 'obsession', but he's just a baby, surely no baby could do something so awful that it warrants 5 weeks of punishment. I don't want to sound mean, but I just don't understand where you're coming from with this.
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i agree, that does sound pretty tought. i dont necessarily agree with making godparents take the carbed back either. It is very presumptuos of them that they can just give presents like this and i would have taken it but had words with them, so in future it does not happen - whats wrong with small toys and books as presents...
imagine how much joy he would have got out of that car bed!!! isnt it worth just seing his face?
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As I said earlier, stop obessing about your son's obsession. I think that is why she took away the cars, it seems Germaine WS is so fixated on this car obsession it's gotten a little out of control and by punishing him for something regardless of how bad it was, was the perfect excuse to try to stop his happiness and pleasure he derives from cars.
A 2 year child would not understand punishment long term, they only work from hour to hour basically. That's why we punish children for doing something wrong immediately, not an hour later, or a day later.
I'de hate to think what the length of punishment would be when he is older!
I can understand about the carbed, although if he has already seen it then it's going to be tough to take it away, he just won't understand. But honestly he is just a bubba, let him enjoy his toys.
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I agree with cd, neenib and ldslvn.
It sounds like you resent his passion for car because of you own frustration with cars and your husbands' infatuation with them.
I, too, think the punishment is completely exaggerated for such a young child, and it certainly feels as though you're getting back at him for not liking what you want him to like, rather than setting out appropriate punishment for his behaviour.
Do you somehow blame him for putting you in the embarrassing situation of turning down a gift?
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Z
17 yrs ago
A couple of points:
1. Forbidden things are devastatingly attractive. You may be encouraging the obsession by taking ALL of his cars away for such a long time.
2. It sounds like you and the baby's father are not on the same page about this. It's easy to set up a bad family dynamic that can last for years, so you two might want to try to find some common ground.
3. Power struggles are part and parcel of this age; that is precisely why punishments need to follow directly from misbehavior. For example, if he throws a car at you, you say "I see that you do not want this car any more" and take it away. Your goal should be to make reasonable behavior both logical and in his best interest, and to give him enough power that he feels like he is in charge of his own behavior.
4. As for how to get him interested in other things -- kids will be interested in doing pretty much anything that their beloved adults are doing with them regularly, as at this age, no matter how obsessed he is with cars, he is more obsessed with getting attention from you in whatever format. Sounds like right now the attention that he gets from you is centered around cars. Start ignoring them in favor of drawing or reading or collecting leaves or whatever with him, and he'll come right around.
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Thanks all. Valid points were made by some of you. I am frustrated with the fact that he is so obsessed with cars, an infatuation of my husband which I strongly disapprove. And unfortunately, the side effect has knocked off on my son.
Is 5 weeks too long? arguably yes but well I don't buy the idea of returning something when I say i have thrown it away. He is smart enough to see that mummy is just dishing out threats which are just nothing but threats. Toys come back after a few days. That's why i have really threw away stuff before, right into the garbage.
Zorglub:No, i don't blame him for putting me in the situation of turning down the gift. I don't at all find it any embarrssing to reject that gift.
Of course my husband and me are not on the same page on this Car issue but it is not a topic for discussion. And he will not challenge me in front of my son when I am executing a punishment.
Until he can display control and discipline with playing with cars, i will not indulge him. I don't only take away cars. Anything that he is obsessed with, it will be taken away when he is naughty. A simple example is "jacket". he was obessessed about wearing one of his jacket, till the point of not removing it for bath, then started to put up a show time over that! i then put him on his naughty chair, took the jacket away and never returned to him.
i know tanturms are very common for 22 months especially when they are near the terrible two stage...but the fact that they are common does not mean i cannot do anything about them.
NOw he has in his head that if he does not behave or throw temper unreasonably, the net result is that he will not have his favorite toys. If the punishment is not focused on his favorite toy, then what is the point of punishing.
Neenib, punishments can definitely be extended, with age. (my view)
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Wow, germaine, i think for a kid to get fixated on things it's quite normal. Mine went through a butterfly and star phase, and now he likes boats and ships.
Where is the problem?
babies are irrational at this stage.
But at some level, maybe you're right not to buy all things car themed jsut cos he like them, as a lot of parents including me would do.
But it's maybe because your hubby likes cars he does too. Boys tend to take their cue from their dads. And unless it's something really unhealthy or dangerous, why get upset over it?
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cd
17 yrs ago
he;s 22 months and you want him to show control and discipline when playing... you actually put his toys and clothes in the bin because he enjoys them too much. A lot of kids have a favourite outfit that they wear all the time, its a normal part of childhood.
sorry, but I just don't understand your thinking. if you're this controlling at 2, goodness knows what will happen when he's 14.
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Imagine when he starts becoming obsessed by girls!
Are you going to be this upset every time he takes in interest in something? Are you going to start worrying that he will become obsessed everytime he takes the slightest bit of interest. Aren't you worried you are going to drive that child away?
You need to relax. You think his obsession is not healthy, I'm thinking your obsession is not healthy. You are going to be one very tired and stressed mum for many years.
Oh my, now I'm starting to obsess about this poor child not having any fun and having his personality stamped out!
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A boy was featured on cable channel show before. He's very good with cars. His Dad is the same but this boy's a lot better because he can name any car model that was ever made! It's amazing!
There's nothing bad about it. In fact, his parents are very supportive of him. When asked by the reporter what he wants to be when he grows up, ( I was expecting he'd say a formula 1 driver or a mechanic) he said, "a doctor". Then jokingly, the reporter said, a doctor? I thought you like cars? The boy smiled and said, "Yes, I like cars but I wanted to be a doctor who drives a Maserati".
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Germaine,
I also have professional experience with this age group every day and in my opinion you're doing more damage than good. It seems that you're punishing your son for something you'd like to actually punish your husband for.
The car interest is a sore spot that you're son has no control over and reflecting your frustration with your husband's car obsession onto your son is not fair. He's too young and is simply engaging with the world in a way he enjoys it. A punishment of that amount of time for a child of that age is pointless and you're trying to control him too much. It will come back to bite you believe me.
I know it's hard to deal with tantrums and naughtiness but it's a part of toddler life (and some adults, lets be honest). Giving each tantrum the time of day and punishing each as it happens is a sure fire way to make sure they continue and get worse. It'll also make your son immune to discipline. Try not to react so much.
It's absolutely normal for children to have obsessions, it's how they learn and apply learning to all other areas of life. I agree the bed was extravagant and was your decision but the obsession thing is something you're going to have to live with. If it's not cars it'll be something else. He just wants to have fun with his mum and know he has your support.
Good luck.
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I may be missing something here, but what's wrong with cars? I'm 30 years old and still obsessed with cars. Boys love cars, men love cars my 60 year old dad loves cars.
There are plenty of less wholesome obsessions that a child could have. I'm certain you wouldn't prefer he spent all his time looking up girl's skirts, or pulling the wings off of flies.
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Wow! Interesting thread!
Men, boys, they love cars. I don't share the same enthusiasm but my 23mth old son says TRUCK!!! and runs to get his trucks every morning. As women we should learn to accept men/boys. Women have other things they obsess over, shoes, hair, feeling emotionally understood...haha i don't expect my husband to understand my obsessions. I would be upset if he made a big deal about them.
Just a suggestion for the car obsession of your son (which i too think is completely normal for kids to be obsessed. as a tween girl i was obsessed with New Kids On The Block and would literally cry over not being able to see them.)
We have a time out box. If toys are thrown or played with in an inappropriate way, like being used to 'hurt' his brother or the dogs, the toy goes into the time out box (you set the time - i make my son count to 12 which is hard but not too hard for him and then the toy comes out. in your case, this would stop the need for you to lie to you son by saying you threw it away when you really didn't.) the same time my son goes into time out for whatever 'bad' behaviour he has exhibited. The toy comes out after my son has been in 1.5min timeout, has apologized, and has counted to 12.
In your case, you could rename it to be a GARAGE or FOR SERVICE box and after say 1hr of play, the cars will "have to go for service to fuel up/change tires" or whatever and can't come out for another hr. Your son will find something else to do, or you can initiate some other activity to fill the time. All the car toys should be kept in one specific box and you can use this box as a reward for good behaviour so the obsession works in your favour.
I also think from reading your posts that you have a very bright child who has learned how to press your buttons. The more of an issue you make of the cars, the more you are programing him to remember and love them more so be careful!
If you really want to stop the obsession, you will have to do it in a more indirect way.
it will take some time but he will learn that there are times for playing with certain toys and times when it's not appropriate because mommy said so.
another thing you could do is when he is obsessing about the cars, say for example it's in the box and he is begging to play with them, you can tell him to look inside and say "hi" and "see you later!" but no touching, so he has a way of dealing with his runaway emotions. toddlers have a hard time managing how they feel. what they actually need is for you to teach them how to have self control "i know you really really want to play with the cars right now but it's _________ time so we will do that first and you can play with the cars after/tomorrow." if you are consistent and never break your own rules, your child will learn the concept of "not right now". it's a good skill to have and as adults i think there are many who struggle with this concept.
to introduce other activities, you can paint/draw cars, bake cookies in the shape of cars, count cars, learn the colour of cars etc. soon you son will be begging to draw, bake, & count other things.
Instead of making this phase in his life something negative, find a way to turn it into a positive and educational experience. An opportunity for you to teach him life skills and it's never too early for kids to learn that they can't always get/have what they want whenever they want. there are boundaries and rules that have to respected. If you don't want the cars played with 24/7 make a rule. "Cars can only be played with after breakfast for 1hr - That is the rule." You are the mother and you must find a way to make the household run in a way that you are comfortable with.
haha I know when i have two 15 & 16yr old boys, i definitely won't let my teenager listen to blaring loud music all the time, even if that is what he wants. I would set a house rule music to be played loud during such and such time. Kids learn quickly that if they want to be respected, they need to respect. You need to respect that your son has a car obsession, and he needs to respect that you have rules. it is never too early to start teaching your child. Same applies to your husband. you need to respect that he has a car obsession and he needs to respect that you have needs that he needs to fulfill. whatever needs he's not meeting, be it time or money or whatever, you need to tell him so you can both be happy and respectful of each other.
good luck! would love to hear how it goes if you try my suggestions : )
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hi milkmonster, thank you so much for writing in such details. I appreciate your kind thoughts.
Since the time i took away the cars, the past month has actually been quite peaceful. He still talks about them when he sees them, he still names all of them correctly when he is travelling in the car, I will response to his excitement with same enthusisam.
He has been playing with cooking, baking with me, painting, etc.
I just came back from a work trip to sydney and I took him with me. Bought him car sticker books, a learning laptop which is of the design of MacQueen (the disney motion picture), but each time he wants to buy a car, I would say No. He just leaves it at that. No fussing!
I agree that I would need to be less controlling of this passion of his, and will definitely try to do so.
Thanks again.
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I didn't read all the posts but WOW, you're really tough on your little boy.
When my boy was under 1 he started "obsessing" and he still does today. Initially he loved diggers and trucks - to the point that he would stop and watch a man with a spade digging in the street. It has moved, through the years to cars, trains, various sports, ships, sports again, etc, etc.
However, I don't think it has harmed him at all. In fact, I believe it has helped in his concentration - he is better than most kids his age and is very enthusiastic. And we have utilised that obsession for his learning eg. counting wheels on buses. I get him involved in other activities using his interest eg. lets paint a picture of a car, bake car shaped cookies, pretend to be a digger in the sand, etc.
Personally, it sounds like your resentment of your husband is being taken out on your boy. You can't control your husband but you can control you boy. Apologies if I'm wrong, that's just how it sounds to me.
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I'll admit that I haven't read the whole thread so please excuse me if I'm rehashing....but...
WOW -you are one craaaaazy control freak woman!
I also have a son, who at 21 months is obsessed with cars which is a wonderful vehicle (no pun intended) to teach him things. Some of his cars have numbers on them which naturally leads me to observe with him, 'look, the blue car has a number 5 on the door'. In that simple observation we share, I can teach him about colours, numbers and parts of the car. We line up his cars and count them, I ask him to bring me the yellow car which trains his ability to follow simple instructions and to identify colours. I can hide his fire truck under a pillow and then we play a hide and seek of sorts. When we pack away our things at the end of playtime, he learns the concept of putting the car 'in' the box. -there are so many simple concepts and skills you can harness here.
He has both a 'Little tykes' car and a bobby car with a trailer and whenever we can he'll 'drive' himself to the playground rather than being pushed in the stroller.
Instead of trying to squash your sons natural instinct to explore his world and develop interests, why not apply some Montessori type principles and use the world around him and his interests to teach him 'random stuff'. There's a great book called 'What babies say before they can talk' by Paul Holinger which explores how infants develop interest and show initiative in learning and how vital this is in 'teaching them how to learn' and to be intrinsically motivated rather than you 'selecting what they will be taught'.
Expecting discipline and restraint to the level you seem to imply from such a young kid in my mind is cruel. I am a firm parent (and was a firm teacher when I worked before motherhood) and I expect my son to behave in certain ways in some situations such as not bashing his fork into our glass dining table (but he can bang with his hammer and pegs as much as he likes) and not emptying my kitchen drawers or drawers in the bedrooms (but he can tip out his toy boxes). By allowing him his instinctive drive to explore and learn but setting loving boundaries he'll (with a bit of luck) grow into a happy boy with a love of the world around him.
I was a trained nanny and a preschool teacher for many years before becoming a parent and all I can say is that I'm sooooo glad I got to practice and observe for years on other peoples kids so I wouldn't put my own through so many of these issues.
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Let's hope he doesn't develop obsessions with cooking, baking and painting...or would that be ok as they are enjoyable pastimes of yours?
Sort out the car issue with your husband!
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