12 year old

my 12 year old thinks my ideas are babyish and she seems to think she knows more than i do. i don't know how to spend time with her except for shopping. any ideas?

What about taking a course in something...some kind of art or craft course? Join a sport club? Ice skating? Go jogging? Invite her friends over to bake cookies?

Good luck...it's a tough age.

this is a tough age and u'll have about 8 more years of it until she realizes how great her mother is.

in the meantime, just don't try so hard and i dun mean it to be putting you down. just listen to ur daughter and just try to give her positive feedbacks on thoughts and ideas (provided they are not bad). at this age, really, no matter what you do can't compare to what her friends say and tell her to do. you'll just have to be there and let her know that you'll be there whenever she needs you.

go with what your daughter likes to do and do it together with her, even if u are not so fond of it.

really....as Ruth in Canada says.... Good luck.

Does she like any sports? My nearly 12yr old is very sporty so we often go cycling, ice skating, skate boarding together as well as visits to the various museums. She hates shopping with a passion though I am sure that will change in the future.


Let me know the answer and I'll see if I can suggest anything else.

Yep, can be tough, being a parent to a teen or pre-teen.

u

You definitely need to rethink your relationship. She used to be happy going to the playgrond or making glitter bracelets, and now she is no longer??

No surprise: kids change all the time, and this stage is the most trying change for all involved.

I wouldn't stand back and wait for her to turn to you again, you risk her distancing herself from you, or worse, turning to unreliable "friends" as a role model. You need to find new ways to connect with her.

If she feels it's uncool to be doing things with mommy, don't force her, of course, but you could try and convince her to do something new with you (ice skating, movies, walks, comparing earlier and later works from different authors/movie directors/actors/musicians, any sport or activities) at least once before she says she doesn't like it, rather than allowing her to turn down your every attempt.


I've just been through a tough patch with my early-teen son, and eventually sat him down and forced him to admit that he was deliberately dismissing every little thing I suggested just to spite me. I told him it was working very well and that yes, it had hurt me and it had upset me. He was surprised by my admission and I saw in his eyes that he was sorry he had upset me. He didn't really mean to, he was just trying to find something to identify to. He was trying to act cool, and apparently being cool requires to be moody and bored with everything all the time.


Anyway, we discussed it again and again until he understood the life-long VALUE of actually creating fun memories with people. Memories you will cherish forever don't happen magically, sometimes you have to create them.


Find something that works for you and your daughter, ask her what she would like to do, and push her a little bit, I'm sure she'll come around.


Don't get me wrong: I've had to change, too - evolve, even. I've had to get interested in video games and Linkin Park to get to him! But it's paid off: we've just organised a Paintball party for his birthday and he insisted (yes, INSISTED, best day in my life for a long time!!) that i'd join in! And I had fun!!


I listen to his music and he listens to mine! We do and discuss new things together. Maybe I was just still treating him like a baby. Maybe I was not accepting he was growing up.


So you see, anything is possible, you just have to find a way to connect.


I hope this helps, good luck!

this is a really helpful posting. i have 3 kids- the oldest is 11. he's started to distance himself from me and the rest of the family. i'm the first to notice. god i miss his giddy personality. thank you for the above post because it's helped me realise that i need to actively stay close to him instead of waiting for him to come back.


i miss my boy! he's become quite distant and dismissive. when i pull him in he's fine but i can see that this is a trend that is developing into a habit. i am going to try some of the above strategies to keep my son close in these next few years.


thanks again and i am grateful for you all for raising these issues !

I had a friend that worked when her kids were small, but she gave up when they got to their teens, She said they needed her more now they were older...And in some respects its true, emotionally they need you more as they get older. Just keep talking, all the time. Make sure they can come to you with any problems, but still set boundaries. And as above said, still try and do things together, my 14 year old doesn't always come out with us now, but he still enjoys it quite often, especially if it envolves sport and eating.

Hi there. Teenagers are tough...I was no exception (!) but I hope that you can get through this phase OK!


Something that strikes me is that a lot of parents with money to spare will keep their kids happy by buying them 'stuff' almost as if that in itself is a valid hobby or way of interacting. I hope you can help your daughter develop interests and activities that are not materialistic or consumer based so that she will understand that love, fun and affection do not require the use of a creditcard!


If you like shopping together, do you set a budget or a limit? Is she just allowed to have whatever she wants? You may be the richest people in HK for all I know but unless you want a daughter who models herself on Paris Hilton's lifestyle, it's important that she gets out and does other stuff.


Have you thought about taking a cooking class together, getting involved in some volunteer work together (dog walking for a shelter for example), something artistic such a sculpture?


I don't know you and I can't judge you but perhaps you can ask yourself what it is that you do that your daughter admires. (Once again, not judging) If you are the type of mum who doesn't work, has a full time helper and you fill your day with manicures, shopping and social lunches; that will be what your daughter has to model herself off. A number of people who live around me are 'full time mums' but have full time helpers and don't ever cook, clean, do groceries, bathe their babies, change nappies -and it sends a terrible message out to the children on life's values and what it means to be obliged....rather than being a hedonist.


I hope I don't sound too preachy but that's how I feel in any case.