Posted by
tommytommy
17 yrs ago
Hi,
I was hoping that someone might have a bit of advice for us.
Our little girl is 14 months old. She is adopted and came home about seven months ago. She has (until about a month ago) been an excellent sleeper. She has two sleeps a day. They use to be for approximately two hours each and then she would sleep for about 12 hours uninterrupted at night. Of course, as is to be expected, the daytime sleeps have been shortening as she has gotten older.
About a month ago she caught a bug. She was up during the night coughing and we attended. However, we cannot seem to get her back into a good sleep routine.
She is still having two shorter day time sleeps which she goes down for without a fuss. She still appears to need them and she sleeps for about 1.5 hours each sleep. However when we put her to bed at night she screams for about an hour until she passes out (from exhaustion I expect). She than wakes at least twice during the night and does the same thing. She is so tired in the morning that she wants to sleep in. I have tried letting her and I have tried waking her. I have tried giving her one sleep a day and I have tried shortening her two sleeps. (FYI, when I try something new I give it a few days).
Sorry for the rambling, but we just had our first family holiday together, Two days in Phuket. It was lovely....during the day. The nights, well, lets just say that our little girl ended up sleeping with us because we couldn't settle her and it was unfair for the other guests in the hotel. We have never had her sleep with us before. We got home a few hours ago and so far she has been screaming for an hour twenty.
Any advice???? Anyone?????
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Thanks Cara,
She is normally quite calm until I put her in the cot. The crying starts immediately. I generally leave her for few minutes and then go in and try to resettle her. I have taken her out of the cot for a cuddle on many occasions and I have tried settling without doing this. Of course she settles with a cuddle but wakes as soon as I put her back in the cot. I just cant seem to settle her regardless of what I try.
I am with you though. It is so sad to listen to. They are little for such a short time. It just worries me that she is missing out on so much sleep. I just wish that I could work out what she needs.
Thanks for your input.
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Without knowing whether you do this already...
I'd suggest keeping the bedtime routine as strict as possible. I mean this in the sense that exactly the same thing happens every evening, in the same order at the same time i.e. dinner, bath, milk, play, story, cuddles, bed. I get my son in bed within 5-10 mins of the same time every night. We also make sure we give him plenty of warning that bedtime is coming up and we have a 'saying goodnight' to everyone routine just before he gets put into bed. Ultimately we want him to know exactly what is going to happen when. Toddlers love predictability. I'd imagine any introduced routine would have to be repeated for a week or two before it had an effect.
We also introduced a 'cuddle' toy (one of those little blankets with a stuffed toy head) that always goes to bed with him. He loves it to pieces and it seems to help him feel secure particularly when he is tired. It's also very good for security in a new environment i.e. when on holiday.
I can't leave my son to cry either if he's upset. Luckily I have not had to deal with the problem to the same extent that you have.
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hi tt,
something similar happened to my son when he was about 18 months old. one night he went to bed fine but less than half an hour later he was screaming, screaming and screaming. since he suffers reflux he would also throw up. that night he also climbed out of his cot.
this continued for weeks - he would scream as soon as we put him down at night. it got to a point where i then had to stay with him, make his bedtime routine fun with books etc and then be with him until he fell asleep (at this stage he would be in a bed). I haad to even stay in his room for about a week to stop him screaming every time we woke up.
we think he was having night terrors / nightmares whatever. it was very stressful and led us to some very bad bedtime habits but we could never let my son cry it out as he would just throw up, and when he throws up, it's everything!!!
not sure what to advise. maybe your daughter doesn't like the cot? try a bed? my son was definitely better when we put him in a bed. in fact, we could never get him into any sort of cot again -not even a travel cot - he would scream and scream!
he was better in a bed but it's not like he gets up and walks around - he doesn't like doing that - maybe it's the enclosed feeling of the cot?
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My little girl is only 14 months. She isn't walking yet. I am open to trying anything but do you think she is a little young?
Also, just to annoy you all.. when did you cut your children's daytime sleeps down to one a day instead of two and how did go about it?
Squiggles, interesting that you mentioned night terrors because we have discussed a fear of the dark. Does anyone know if 14 months is too young for this sort of thing?
Thanks.
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Babies are not too young to be afraid of the dark. My son was afraid very early on. They also can have night terrors and tend to waken and be disturbed more easily and have these night terrors as they become more cognitive and also during times when they are taking in new tasks like walking, teething etc...
While most books say that by 14 months kids should only have 1 nap, a neighbor had a daughter who had and needed 2 naps a day until almost 21 months. Go with what your baby needs.
I'm not a fan of sleep training. Babies are babies for a very short time. That said, I know that it is tiring being a working parent. We have a family bed--so sleep is not easy all the time for everyone, but our son is only 22 months and will not be with us forever. He's also still nursing, this is what affects his sleep. All babies are different.
Have a regular night routine. Good luck, remember it is not forever.
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for what its worth - we have always had bad sleepers - they would wake up and wake up and wake up, so i did crack around 18 months and decided to leave them to cry. Even tho I would pop in the first time and pat and shoosh them, then another time 15 min later, then again 20 min - etc - you get the picture... It took a while - maybe a month - and then that was it - they got the message!
As for the dark - we have always had a night light one - you can get these cute animal ones in Ikea or Bumps to babes. They also have comfort things - one teddy, another blanket - i think it helps hugely.
As for the nap - I think ours had only one 12.30 - 2.30 at 14 months - they droped the afternoon one quite early. What time does your little one go to bed? For example if it is 7pm, you must try not to let her sleep past 2.30 (accornding to a few books like Gina Ford and Baby Whisperer).. to make sure they are sufficinetly tired by 7pm.. What time are your naps. I really dont think at 14 months you need two 1.5 hour naps - maybe time to start training her just to do one?
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tt,
at that time i think my son was on one nap a day during the lunch time only. it's quite possible that they can be afraid of the dark - my son is now 3 and i have to leave the door ajar ever so slightly with the hall light on so he can see. my daughter who is 15 months i think is afraid of the dark. when she woke up while we were on holiday she screamed and screamed for ages until we finally put her again and left a nightlight on, and then she went down ok.
so you could try the nightlight thing. but i think initially for my son it was probably more the feeling of being trapped in a cot. he would go down fine in a bed but give him a cot and he would scream blue murder!
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Gina Ford - The Contented Little Baby book. Essential reading for sleep training for babies. No young mum should be without it.
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cd
17 yrs ago
It could be the cot. My 1st and 3rd child hated it, When my son was small he would happily fall asleep anywhere, but the minute we walked near to his cot, you could feel his body tense even though he was still asleep. He was much better once he went into a bed. I think they just found cots too restrictive, one turn and they bumped the side. My 4th child never slept in a cot from the minute he was born. If you're worried about her being too small for a bed, try a mattress on the floor for a few months.
Definately try leaving a small night light, lots of kids that age are scared of the dark.
As to night terrors, not sure what age they start, but you will know if thats what it is. They are very spooky to watch. My son used to get them a lot between the ages of 4-6, he's much better now. Like Cara say, you think they're awake because their eyes are open, but they're not. And its a real high pitched terrified scream not an angry one. You try talking to them and sometimes they answer, but its as if they're looking at something right through you, Very weird. It always made me look behind me to see what he was looking at, it sounds silly but I almost expected a ghost to be standing in the corner.
Also agree with other posters, you can never spoil a child with too many cuddles, they're only little for such a short time, (its seems like yesterday I had my first, she's now 20...).I could never have left them to cry. We have always bed shared, and loved every minute of it, it made for very happy, contented children, and everyone got a good nights sleep.
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cara - i usually agree with you but not on GF routine - i think people who hate her just never really:
a) read it properly
b) tried it at all
and hence make judgements based on, well, nothing.
All the book advocates is routine, which most people agree with, it is a well know fact that babies thrive on routine! You can make her routine as flexible as you want - i off course never "had to sit down and have my toast and tea at 8 am". But 90% of her advice is excellent! Worked beatifully for my twin girls - so now they do exactly what the book says - 7pm-7am uniterrupted sleep... and yes, if I for some reason sometimes have to move it to say 8 pm as an exception, or later if we travel - it is never a problem. We have two very happy and indeed contented girls!
Great book - I 100% support hktaff - essential reading for any new parent
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try giving a bottle of juice or milk when she goes to bed it may just be a growth spurt and she may be a bit hungrier than normal.
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it also may be teething and her teeth are hurting. my little boy is the same age and has been doing it a bit too lately. but the bottle of warm formula to go to bed with does the trick.
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trudi
17 yrs ago
I think all / any advice on settling a child is good and I have tried many, many methods too. My boy is 3 1/2 and still a poor sleeper. I have only just put him in a bed because he always gets up at midnight to come into mum & dad (and who wants to deal with that!) My daughter (now 7) was and is a great sleeper and slept all night from 3 months of age. I used the same techniques for each child but every child is different and has different needs.
I read all and anything I can find and talk to mums at playgroups etc. We can give each other advice which may work. Last night I gave my boy a hot water bottle and he cuddled it all night (even though only luke warm) and didn't get up!
Kids are just strange .... like us!
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Thank you all for all of your advice. We feel like we have options now.
We have decided to go with one sleep a day and we are going to try a night light and see if it makes a difference. If we are still in the same boat after implementing these changes we will look at putting her into a bed.
Thank you again everyone for sharing your experiences.
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kyander, I know you mean well but juice in a bottle at bedtime is a surefire way to give bad decay. You might say, oh, they're only baby teeth but it's no fun to have your 3 or 4 year old having all their front teeth our because they've rotted.
We've been lucky that our little man (now 21 months) has always been pretty easy and sleep has been no exception. At 14 months he was having 2 naps most days but by 15 months he was on one nap. I know some 18 mont olds who need 2 naps and my mum tells me I never napped at day time after 9 months (but would sleep 14 hours through the night without a peep) -just listen to what your daughter tells you is right for her and try to get her to bed before she's so tired that she'll get distraught.
I'm also a firm believer in cuddles and routines. Our son slept in our bed until he was 8 months old and has had a crib since then. For the longest time we were sure to keep to the 'dinner-bath-bed' deal but now are more relaxed about it. Cuddley toys are a hit and he has a basset hound with really soft ears that he flaps over his eyes and snuggles with (very cute). Bedtime is almost without exception within 10 mins of 8pm and he wakes at 7am (sometimes 6 if we're unlucky. Naps after lunch typically are from 12 or 12.30 and last 3 to 3½ hours.
We take him with us often to friends places and he'll sleep in his travel cot in a spare room without a bother. On those occasions he goes down a little later due to all the stimulation of being at a different house, etc.
You seem to have a pretty good clue with what you've tried so far so the rest might be down to luck...Good luck!
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Hi everyone!
Thought I would give you an update.
We have been on one sleep a day for 3 days now. Our little treasure has coped well during the day and has slept for about 3 hours each nap time.
Bedtime has been a little rougher. The first night she was screaming for about 1.5 hours. I tried to settle her a couple of times but I must confess to letting her cry it out in the end. I felt that each time I went into her room I made matters worse. She eventually slept for 12 hours straight.
The second night she whinged for about 20 minutes and then slept uninterrupted for 12 hours.
Tonight she went down without a fuss but woke after half an hour and grizzled for about another half hour. I haven't heard from her since and I have my fingers crossed that I don't till morning.
I cant thank you all enough for your input. I don't know if we have succeeded in improving her sleep or not, but I know (selfishly) that I feel fantastic after having the last couple of night sleep uninterrupted.
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Hi all,
My first time to visit this column and just want to chime in to share my views. In the eyes of Chinese medicine, treating baby or infant patients is whole lot easier than adults as they don't have emotions issue or chronic medical histories (except inborn with). We can observe the stools and tongues and asking the parents and pretty much can make a prompt diagnosis. For infant babies under 2, they cry for reasons though they cannot tell you. Hunger, full stomach, feeling too warm, wet diaper causing discomfort can all urge them to cry. I am also aware the fact that babies are really cunning and manipulate mommies for cuddling to their pleasure. Most mothers can find out the cause of problems thr trial and error.
However, symptoms such as loose stools (green in color) or restless in the evenings, night sweats, cold feet, teething while sleeping, itching and scratching, redness in the lips, water spoting,etc are pathological conditions that require medical attention. Chinese medicine has piled up hundreds of years of experiences to identify all these issues with proper solutions. Next time, may be you can pay a visit to a reputable herbal shop and consult some Chinese medicine practitioner. You may have a different prospect seeing things. It is all not complicated and hopefully you can sleep tight.
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