Toileting nightmare

My son has been toilet trained since last summer (at 21/2 years old). He had been very consistent with voiding in the toilet for a few months till we went on a long trip recently. He would also wake himself up in the morning to go to the toilet, despite the fact that he would usually wear a diaper to sleep (the only time we give him a diaper). When we were away, he had a bad cold. He also peed and pooed in his pants a lot. We thought "OK he's not feeling well..." But after he recovered from the cold, he got better with toileting again, although he would still have an accident or two almost every day.


In the past couple of days, it seems he is developing a cold again. What's worse is that he is having many accidents again. Today he seemed to have completely given up on making any effort to go to the toilet. Since this morning he has had one poo and three pees in his pants. He is coughing quite a bit, but no temperature, and he is playing his toys as usual.


When he does have an accident, he is taken to the toilet and I would remind him that he cannot pee pee or poo poo outside. He is also reminded many times throughout the day that if he needs to go, he needs to tell an adult around him. I usually do not "force" him to go because (1) he really resists and (2) I think he needs to initiate toileting, and I thought (up to this point) that he is fully capable of doing so.


I am ashamed to admit that I have also spanked him quite a few times for having accidents, especially if it's seconds after receiving reminders. I have also taken away 'privileges' (such as going out, or playing favorite toys). Although he would get very distressed with the punishments, the situation seems to keep getting worse.


I do not want to put him in diapers again, as I believe it would just confuse him further. What else is there to do?


I am thinking that I will go back to the initial steps of toilet training, and reward him with little stickers etc for successful toileting. Anything else I could do to help improve the situation? I am feeling very frustrated at the moment.


Thanks in advance for your advice.

Is your boy taking any medication?If so it could be effecting him,my children get runney stools,and if he's drinking more with a cough needs to wee more.Buy him some new pants for later has a reward,goodluck.

I had a similar problem with my daughter, she was potty trained for about six months only wearing diapers at night in bed and then she got sick (at about 2 1/2) and just wouldn't go to the toilet. Don't stress about it, just wait until he is ready again. It isn't worth the scolding and spanking and making him feel bad (and you too). Like cara, I also suggest you buy pull-ups so that way he can pull them down himself when he is ready and not feel like they are "baby" diapers. I agree that a reward for using the toilet is good, we put a M&M dispenser in the bathroom (kind of gross but whatever) and if my daughter used the toilet she could push the lever herself and eat one M&M (we rarely gave her candy, so this was a real treat).

I would just accept that at this age, he'll have lots of "accidents". Look at it this way, you don't see adults in diapers, right?


He's still learning. Although it is A LOT of work washing up due to the accidents, I would accept that it's part of growing up.


My daughter at 4.5 y.o. had a little accident in bed 3 nights ago also. She hasn't wee'd on her bed for a LONG time prior to the "accident". I just brushed it off and said, "Never mind". If she were to have further accidents, I would still tell her it was okay. It's a nuisance washing but she's still young.


You need to invest in mattress protectors though. We have 3!


Good luck!


PS: Her quilt, mattress protector and blankets are still hanging in our rooftop drying ;-)

2.5 is still quite young. My son was not at all toilet trained at this point. We tried, but it was a losing battle. All of a sudden, right before he turned three, he got it.


I would back off for awhile. Definitely make a big deal when your son uses the toilet. Sing, dance, use stickers...whatever makes him feel successful. Never punish. I wouldn't revert back to diapers (unless you're travelling and an accident is going to be a major problem). When he has an accident, clean him up matter-of-factly.


It's a phase...annoying and a lot of work at the moment, but he'll soon be over it.


Good luck! Wishing you lots of patience!!!

"He's still learning. Although it is A LOT of work washing up due to the accidents, I would accept that it's part of growing up"


Quite. Don't go back to diapers. Go to bathroom often with him. Have him help with the cleaning up after an accident so he understands what happens, but don't scold.



"2.5 is still quite young. My son was not at all toilet trained at this point. We tried, but it was a losing battle. All of a sudden, right before he turned three, he got it."


Depends on the kid. Some kids can be toilet trained at 20 months. Some not until 3½. Boys are also typically a bit later.

agree - i would not go back to diapers, once you are out of diapers, there is no going back, or you will undo all the good work you have done for the past months! have you tried the reward chart? is there a toy/treat that he really would like to have? get a chart for a week or something and tell him - if he manages to get the stickers to the fill it up - he gets the treat? bribery is way forward with these things! cant really reason with them yet at this age!

cara - it looks like the child in question is at least 3 yrs old (he was 2.5 last summer) - so at 3 it is not the same as at 21 months... so i dont think going back to nappies at 3 is a good idea.. he has been doing very well for more than 6 months now