Helper Situation

I debated whether I should post this on the helpers forum, but ultimately decided I most wish to have opinions from parents with young children.


Here's our situation : our new helper arrived 2 days ago from Philippines & we have a 2-yr old. After 48 hrs of observation, my husband and I are both very disappointed with her, worst of all, we don't feel comfortable leaving her alone with our little boy when we return to work next week. Both our instinct is to get rid of her & find a replacement asap.


We are fully aware that it has only been all of 2 days & that we should not expect a smooth transition without any hiccups. We are also aware that we shouldn't compare her to our last helper who was more than fantastic but had the advantage of raising our son from newborn.


What is bothering us is the following :-

1) she doesn't seem to know how to interact with a toddler, ie. she would just sit with my son & doesn't say or do anything to engage his attention (no smiles, no enthusiasm)

2) we have yet to see her properly carry/cuddle our son. when she does pick him up, her arms are extended straight out (hubby says as if she's handling a carton box)

3) she is extremely efficient at cleaning & keeping everything tidy to the point I feel she rather be doing domestic chores than being with our son

4) she keeps holding our son's wrist as if she's dragging him around. We've told her that she can relax a little as he is quite independent and well coordinated. Keeps doing it despite us saying so.

5) she has no idea of how to keep him in check so she gives into his every whim & he is quickly picking up on it.

6) I watched her bathe our son today & shampoo was not thoroughly rinsed from his hair


Our conclusion is that she lacks childcare experience and has been out of touch with young kids. Her own kids (3 of them) are all in their teens.


Here are my questions :

Are we being too critical? Should we wait & see a few more days? Would you get rid of her? I'm sure she can be trained but we haven't got the luxury of time as we both work.


You may ask didn't I interview her? The truth is she came highly recommended from our last helper. We haven't had the easiest time finding new helpers so we asked if she knew anyone. I am still in shock that this was her recommendation. Our last helper treated our son like her own, was loving & fun & taught our son lots, all our friends, relatives, even our son's school principal comments on how great she is. Anyway, that's irrelevant now & just meant to give you background info, so no we didn't interview her.


What would you do....?

Agreed with everything cara said (as always).


Have you made a list of chores and an approximate timetable? Have you spent a lot of time with her? Have you made sure she feels comfortable in her new enviroment? As cara says, fear of doing badly makes some people quite nervous. You need to convey the message that she will not be punished for mistakes (unless she is negligent or malicious).


"ps> ANY helper you get will need to be trained, it isn't a matter of luxury of time or not, it is necessary. you can't just drop her into the job and expect her to know how YOU like things done. you will have to take tiem off of work to make sure she knows what she's doing."


Indeed. Also, all helpers are not good at all things.

I learned never to take the recommendation of ANOTHER helper or your existing helper about to be ex-helper. Most of the girls in this culture like to HELP family friends or relatives, so even though deep inside they probably think the girl isn't right for the job requirements, they will still recommend her, to give her a chance to try. So I think you really got trapped this time.



Most of my friends who have had helpers like this, on the FIRST day, you can tell whether she is good at taking care of kids, or rather like to clean, or like or dislike cooking. 2 days or not... is only a matter of fine tuning small things... but overall, good or not good with children, 1 hour is all it takes in my opinion.


So, if I was in your shoes, YES, I would hire another helper asap. You definitely should look into hiring girls that you can interview in person, and let her try to interact with your kids first.


As a mother, the helper being able to take care of my kids without my worrying is TOP priority. I don't mind eating crap, or the house is not cleaned, but the safety, well-being, health of my kids are the most important. So if the helper can't do that, you can do your work, then she's gotta go.


That's my 2 cents. Good luck.

Hi Cara & axptguy, thank you both for your replies. Cara, yes all the possibilities you mentioned are possible. I am all for benefit of doubt and when I posted this thread, I was really mentally struggling whether we had given her a sufficient chance. Sadly now we've decided to replace her.


We've been home since she landed and have repeatedly emphasized that cleaning is not a priority (we have weekly part-time cleaner) and that our little one should be her priority. We've explained that we are simply providing her with a framework of what is expected of her and that we welcome input of new ways of doing things and that since she will be spending most of the time with our little boy, we wanted her to be comfortable running our household in a way that worked for her as well.


Sadly, nothing has changed and the situation is in fact hopeless. My little one blanks her with blinking eyes whilst my house has never been so clean.


Lesson learned : never trust your helper's recommendations and we're definitely doing a trial run before signing.

Hi Katetam, I just saw your post, I must have been writing my reply above when yours got posted. You've basically summed up what's in my mind now. She is really quite clueless when it comes to kids and the journey of getting it right is way too long, too stressful, and too risky for us to take. We're interviewing a few tmrw so hopefully we can resolve this asap. Thank you for your reply.

"Sadly, nothing has changed and the situation is in fact hopeless. My little one blanks her with blinking eyes whilst my house has never been so clean.


Lesson learned : never trust your helper's recommendations and we're definitely doing a trial run before signing."


Some people are beyond help. This is a much rarer occurrence than most people think, but it does happen.


As for recommendations from helpers, it all depends on the one doing the recommendation. Some helpers will do anything to get their friends/family jobs, even if they know they should not be recommending some people.