can you really not fogive a 7 year old boy?

I want to express how appalled I am with the attitude of local school systems and some parent’s attitudes and what they are teaching their children.


I have heard through a friend how a child of 6 years has been threatened by parents and forced to leave his school. This boy did something that the parents could not forgive and said that he could never change. He was 6 at the time and now 7. Is this really true that a 7 year old child can never change? How sad is this that the parents feel this way. What punishments do they give their children when they do something wrong? Do they truly believe their children cannot change their behaviour?


So what did this child do that was so bad? I know some parents may feel a little shocked but put the age into prospective. The boy had asked 3 different girls if they would show their private parts to him and they did. Yes, this is not an appropriate question to ask and neither should the girls say yes. But it is not fair they call a 6 year old boy a child molester. Did he force the girls to show their private parts, did he assault them? I heard that the parents wanted to bring the police and press charges. Is this really the way parents are thinking today for a 6 year old child.


I’m also told the parents tried to force the school to expel the boy, but the school could not expel the boy but had asked the parents to find a new school. In the mean time he was moved to a different class. The boy had counselling from the school as well as counselling outside the school. It turns out the boy is most curious to understand the difference between male and female parts and he had some special education from the counsellor to understand why the parts are different. He is not dangerous. The parents have been waiting for a couple of schools to get their child into; they are waitlisted and it’s quite hard to get to change schools mid term. Two set of parents (who are Chinese) understand the difficulties yet one set of parents who are Korean refuse to believe this and have pushed the school to do something. The Korean parents told the school that if they don’t do anything they will tell all the parents in the primary 2 year what this boy did and tell the parents to keep their child away from him. Wow…I was shocked that the parents would do this. For the safety of the boy he had to be taken out of school. The Korean parents were told by the school that it will endanger the safety of their own daughter as well if you do this. The parents said “I don’t care” They want the boy out, the child cannot change. The parents are concerned for there daughters safety, but if they really feel there is a threat then why keep their children there. They have another daughter at the ISF School. This is just too shocking.


I can understand that local Chinese people find sex and body parts a very difficult subject to talk about; its not in their upbringing or culture. However I believe the Korean couple have been educated or lived abroad in the USA for most of their life. The mother is working in the wine industry, is well educated and travels; surely she would have more understanding. The father has threatened to hurt the boy if he saw him. How could a person threaten like this, I believe it must be out of anger. The parents refused the support of the school counsellor to help the child to see if she has a problem with the event. We all played different stuff as kids ; doctors and nurses, is it now seen as such a taboo that this subject is a real no go area?..


It sounds to me that the parents are building the anger and passing it on to their children. They are not teaching that both children made a mistake, look at what has been learnt and to move forward as well as forgive. The parents are teaching the kids to be angry with the boy and stay angry, but they all only 7 years old. What real values are we teaching our children today?


It’s really tough this situation for all. I really feel for the children to see what they are being taught.


But is this the way children should be treated as 7 years old, I don’t think it is, but I would like to think I was not the only one…



Is it really fair to kick a 7 year boy out of the school?

Is it really right for the parents to call a child a child molester?

Is it really right for parents to gang up on the child?

Note that the below are statements of principle. I don't know about this case in particular.


"Is it really fair to kick a 7 year boy out of the school?"


In general no. The school should try to solve the problem first.


"Is it really right for the parents to call a child a child molester?"


No. That's absurd.



"Is it really right for parents to gang up on the child?"


No.

i can understand how shocking it can be for parents to come to know of such an incident. but these parents are putting their own thinking and understanding onto a young boy. adults have certain beliefs about such things, but a little boy might only be curious.


having worked with children who have been in abusive relationships (i'm not saying this is and not tryng to generalize) but sometimes children who do this have seen something not appropriate for their age or have been victim to sexual related abuse.


it's every parent's job to educate their child about sexually related matters. it's a different world now and parents can't always expect their children to remain virgins until they get married by shunning them from the facts. of course we hope that our children will make good choices but as parents we can only educate as much as we can and hope that they can protect themselves.


so as to your questions:

"Is it really fair to kick a 7 year boy out of the school?"

Generally, i would say it's not fair to, but in such a conservative society as hong kong, it could probably happen.


"Is it really right for the parents to call a child a child molester?"

Absolutely not! how can a CHILD be called a CHILD molester??????!!!!! it's ridiculous. there needs to be intent to harm, and i really dun think the boy would've known so much as to have intended to harm these girls.


"Is it really right for parents to gang up on the child?"

I think not. this situation can have really negative impact on the child's perception about sexuality if he doesn't receive the adequate counsselling from his parents and the school. but parents often gang up on children labelled as 'bad' chidlren int eh class regardless teh situation. it's just been the way things have been for as long as i know.

and one more thing. if it had been a girl who had done this, the situation would've turned out differently.

I'm utterly sickened by this! The case, with as much anonymity as it can muster should get some media attention. These are issues (or non issues in my opinion of a 6 yr old being curious!) that parents should be aware of and open the lines of communication as best as they can. If anything from the recent stories in the press - 13 yr old daddy for example we just need to sit down with our kids and just bloody admit that the reason we're all here in the first place is because everybody's mummy's and daddy's have banged uglies :P at some point.


A great book I would recommend; 'Mommy laid an egg' - Babbette Cole

My husband pointed out, having just read the thread, that from the school's perspective any parent that kicks and screams demanding there own way (ESPECIALLY when that involves physical threats to a pupil) should have their child removed from the school on at least a temporary basis. The school has acted in the fashion they should, not over-dramatizing matters and talking things through with the "offender" - we really hope that the only reason they asked his parents to find a new school was because they had a genuine concern for his safety (which has some scary undertones) rather than just saving themselves the hassle of dealing with the situation.


Both of us here at some stage in our youth have played 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine'. It's a harmless inquisitive phase that most youngsters go through, and I'm surprised that in what is meant to be a more enlightened age, we still have over-reactive fools who think their child can be sexually threatened by another PRE-PUBESCENT child.