getting a baby to sleep

There are several "methods". One is cry it out as you are trying. There are methods that include more comforting, picking up and so forth. They can all be successful, as long as they are applied consistently. Both parents need to be comfortable with whatever method is used.


Cry it out worked for our kids. If you are consistent with cry it out, the child will soon learn. There is a balance between letting them cry and not letting them feel abandoned.


Hearing your child cry is of course distressing. Make sure you have a set limit of minutes between the times you go in and show yourself (6-7 minutes is good) and use a watch to make sure you don't go in before then. When you go in, don't make a big fuss. Gently tell baby that it's time to sleep, then leave again. It may take a long time for sleep to come the first few days, but after a week or two baby is normally over the hump.


Another thing to remember is to try and have a "quiet" routine before bed. About 30-60 minutes before lights out, subdue lighting, turn off the tv, maybe give baby a bath. Keep voices low and soft. That way baby is more relaxed and more receptive for sleep.


Our children now sometimes wake up at night, but typically they just fall back asleep. That's the goal. Children need to learn to fall asleep (and back asleep) or they will be dependent on you for a long time to comfort them to sleep. It's not just a matter or "less work for the parents" but of self-confidence for baby.

It depends on how much of a rod for your back you wish to have. If you are happy nursing/rocking your baby to sleep and that works for you, then that is fine. However whilst it's beautiful and bondworthy, after time, your life will not be your own anymore.


Everything axptguy38 said about bedtime routine is spot-on. Obviously the more stimulated a baby is, the harder it is to wind down.


I still wrap my 10 month old in a muslin as he finds security in that. I have tried to slowly remove it, but he just wants it (I don't do the newborn wrap by the way, I do the Karitane wrap which is where the hands are wrapped, but are free to move & suck, etc, pm me if you want to know how to do it). Babies are in a such a vast space in their cot and they need the comfort of things close. I also have a small cuddle blanket and he rubs it against his cheek which is self-soothing.


With the "crying out" method. Start by doing what axptguy said, when you put baby down and starts crying, after 1 minute go back in, rewrap or comfort (don't pick up baby though), by gently patting and "shshhhshhhh". Once baby is calmed down (but not asleep), leave the room. Again wait another minute and gradually extend this time until the time is longer between comforts. If baby gets out of control crying and cannot be comforted, then get him up and give cuddles and comfort. Then once calmed down, go through the same routine again.


The more distressed you get, the more distressed he will get. They pick up on your stress so easily, so if you are trying to do the control crying and you are upset and distressed, it's not going to work. So you need to be calm yourself.


It does take time, maybe a week which seems like a lifetime, not to mention groundhog day! But the important thing is to be consistent with your efforts and that means everyone else in the household doing exactly the same. Don't forget though, that it won't always work every day once the routine is established. Just when you think you have mastered it, the little cherubs go and change the routine by teething, or a growth spurt, but if you keep this at the back of your mind, then it makes it all the more easier to cope with.


Good Luck and remember, always do what works for you. Don't let others tell you what you should be doing. I find that is where parents get stressed the most, by others telling you what you should do. There is no right or wrong way. I learnt the hard way with my first baby, but with my second I said bugger everyone, I will do what works for me and we are a much more relaxed household this time round.

Expat 2006, We managed to get past this hump pretty recently. What really helped us was to think of this situation as teaching your baby how to put their tired feelings to sleep instead of thinking that you are making them cry. We did try Elizabeth Pantley, no cry sleep solutions but it really did not work for us. I felt I was still making him cry anyway. And the baby got even more agitated with Tracy Hogg's pick up-put down method.


Also like axpatguy mentioned, consistency (and a bedtime routine) is really key.... otherwise you would have taught your baby nothing except that longer and harder s/he cries you will finally give in and you would have made them cry for no reason which I think is worse. It took us 4 nights- 47 min, 20 min, 10 min, 5 min of crying and we were pretty much doing as mentioned above, going in every 5 min to assure him we were there, to make sure he had not vomited, nose was not blocked with crying or did not need any other help, i would wipe away his tears, kiss him, made the room cool because he was getting really hot with crying and then suddenly he just stoppedf. Next morning we were greeted with a beautiful toothless smile and believe me, I felt like crying with relief. I was so worried that i had scarred him for life. Then we had a relapse for some reason after 2 weeks for 3 days and now it takes him less that 2 min of low whining to put his tired feelings to rest. Fingers crossed! Good Luck!

expat2006. Don't worry, you are not the first to feel this way. Of course it is distressing to hear baby cry, especially #1. There is light at the end of the tunnel.


Unfortunately, if you show "weakness", he knows that he gets what he wants. If you can't do it, let your partner do the routine. Just changing the person can help, especially as they get older.


There was a time around 2½ years when our daughter threw a mega-tantrum at bath time every night. We had our helper bathe her and put her to bed for a week and there were no problems. Then we started doing it again and the tantrums were gone. It's about breaking the pattern.

Expat2006, don't let your baby cry it out if you are so uncomfortable. It is not the only way. There are thousands/ millions of parents who don't and the children turn out fine. Our baby who is a first also cried really really hard, but in the end it is something that worked for us. I had a choice between being a sick mother with a terrible back pain for days, being grumpy and tired during his play time and wanting to physically capable to happily care for him. I chose the latter, but this choice was in front of me alone. There are others who will never think twice about it and not let the baby cry. Don't torture yourself so much.