My toddler is going through a serious attack of the terribkle twos and i think if i dont call the shots now, Im going to let myself in for a really spoilt, whiny, tantrum prone brat.
Big problem is dont know where to put him on time out. I dont want to use his bedroom as i odnt want him to associate sleep and punishment.
How do you time out your kids? in a room in the house? sit in a corner ( can u actually get 2 yr olds to sit in a corner for 2-3 minutes at a time)?
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We put ours out on the terrace, but we don't live in a high rise and it's not a scary and exposed place per se. Also there are glass doors so she can see us.
The location is less important than the psychology of the punishment. That is, it's not about physical isolation, darkness or locking. It's about removing the child from where he or she wants to be. A time out location can thus be almost anywhere.
"sit in a corner ( can u actually get 2 yr olds to sit in a corner for 2-3 minutes at a time)?"
Make him understand that every time he moves the clock starts from zero. At this age he'll catch on fast. This is of course more work to start but if you don't have an alternate location...
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I actually don't have a problem labeling it as punishment. We are, however, careful not to humiliate. When she has calmed down and we let her back in, we don't rant on about what happened. She gets to apologize if appropriate and that's that. Redemption is absolute, if you will.
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Axpatguy
Right, we do live in a highrise, but all balconies are glassed in, and there are plants and on one the washing machine so ima bit scared that he's take it out on the plants, or injure himself somehow with the washing machine.
Joshmom
I really like the idea of quiet corner, and might do that jsut as a space for him. but again dont want to use that for punishment. i think i do want label it as punishment.
We have a couple of unused or rarely used rooms in the house. would these work ? or would he be traumatised by being left in a room?
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Joshmom: exasperating is right! yet to see the humour though. Might take a couple of years, and good luck with your little girl when it happens!
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"or would he be traumatised by being left in a room?"
Depends on the room. It should not be dark and scary. If well lit, no issues. I mean, it is supposed to be a punishment, so it's not supposed to be someplace she wants to go.
The objective is for the child to no longer get attention and feel isolated. A lot of places work for that.
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cd
17 yrs ago
If you watch Supernanny, she either uses the bottom step of the stairs, or places a small mat in a quiet corner. She takes the child back to the mat as many times as necessary, and recommends 1 min of time out per year of age, so 2 years = 2 mins. When their time is up give them eye contact and tell them why you put them there, as soon as they apologise give them a cuddle.
Although i'm sure your child won't need to go for time out as often as the ones in the programme....
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i have watched supernanny use both, an area in the house or a room. I think i'll use a mat in the study room and yes, was going to ask if i needed a timer, so i'm going to get one of those too. might use it for other things, like meal times (as hese are getting out of hand as well).
Axpatguy, all the rooms are well lit. definitely have no intention of scaring the life out of my child.
Cd: i hope so. there are good days and bad.. and on the bad ones i think he'll need a few visits to the naughty corner.
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I actually went to the trouble of buying a time-out mat from Mothercare. It's gadgety, I know, but I figured young children do believe in "systems" and having an actual tool will hopefully make it easier for them to respect this and not challenge it as much (by resisting, getting up etc etc) (I haven't started using it yet as our baby is only one year old and unlikely to understand but I thought i would probably need to start around the 2 year mark (if not before). They say the earlier you establish this, the easier it is for them to accept it.
By the way, time out mat that I bought is just a portable mat with three lights (red, yellow and green) on it. You input in the time and when they sit down, it activates the timer. (The timer stops automatically if/when they get up and when they sit back down, you can either continue or reset the timer to restart) Once you get half way, it turns yellow and plays a happy sound when the time is up (and the light turns green). It was about HK$400.
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Cara, I got it at the Mothercare in Prince's Bldg. (But I've also seen it at other Mothercare outlets.) You may want to give them a call ahead of time as their stocks do vary from store to store.
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Our daughter who is 3.9 yeard old, went thru terrible 2's and 3's and her time out, is the bench at the front door or a kids chair that we turn in to the corner and she has to sit for 3 minutes (1 minute per age). then comes out to apologize
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We had the challenge of getting my daughter to stay and it became a battle of wills so sometimes I would remove myself from the room which means she isnt getting the attention. We also found the hug often was a big part of saying sorry - it kind of helps with the lost face of having lost temper and shows that the love is still there no matter the behaviour.
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Thanks all for the answers. We opted for the bottom stair and so far he has only had to be put there once. Probably his molars are finally out, i dont know what it is he's become better behaved over the weekend.
He even apologised to daddy after time out for having thrown his glasses in a fit. yay!!
i did stay with him.
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If you're looking for a punishment, for kids of this age (and older) I find toy deprivation very effective (e.g."if you don't stop shouting at your brother, I will take away your toy train"). For a younger child, I would confiscate the toy for anything from a few minutes to an hour, but probably until they had calmed down and apologised. Frequently the threat of taking away the toy is enough. For my eldest, who is nearly 6, the toy might be removed for the rest of the day (at worst). But at the end of the day any confiscated toys are put back into circulation ready for the next day. I like toy deprivation not only cecause it works but also because you can do it anywhere. Out & about it can be hard to find a naughty corner but you can take away whatever small toy your kid may have in their pocket ...
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