hi..i need some advice here...i have a newborn, 2 weeks old now..and a 2 year old boy. when i breastfeed, it takes average 1.5 hours with change of diaper and breastfeed. i usually breastfeed in the room, with baby. during this 1.5 hour, i spend exclusively with baby. and given baby needs to feed so often, i feel i m not spending enough time with my 2 year old boy.
i know many parents get their older one to be involved, eg, help to get nappy, etc or see me breastfeed. but my 2 year old doesn't talk much, and doesn't understand me when i ask him to do things. (yes..going to send him to speech therapist). so how to i balance my time wiht the 2 kids. i would love to hear mum out there...do you breastfeed in the room, or get your elder one involve too? i would especially like to hear from mum / dad whom elder kid is still very young to understand things around him.
i particularly like to know also...i enjoy spending reading time and playing time with my 2 year old before bedtime before. now i don't get to do that cos it's feeding time. so how to i get to play and read to my boy b4 bedtime..while still feeding my baby....
pls advice....
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Personally, I wouldn't closet myself while breastfeeding. Excluding the 2-year old from this activity may well make him jealous. Try to include as much as possible.
I would try to schedule some time alone with 2-year old every day. Even 30 minutes means a lot. Baby does sleep a lot during this time so you can be at the playground with baby sleeping in pram, or something like that.
Also, 1½ hours for breastfeeding plus change? That is a long time. Breastfeeding should be more like a 20 minute thing. A couple of nurses even told us that if they take too long they are using more energy to do it than they are receiving through the milk.
Some babies are, of course, a bit "lazy". Our #2 kept falling asleep at the breast, then waking up hungry an hour later. The solution for us was to pump and give a bottle.
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If the baby is that slow, pump and give bottle. I asked my wife exactly and she says it was 20-25 minutes including pump AND feed.
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I agree with the above, 1.5 hours to breastfeed and change a baby is way too much. Why do you shut yourself away? This doesn't have to be exclusive time and to be honest it doesn't matter if your 2yo doesn't understand, he will learn. That's what kids do.
And secondly you are already thinking about a speech therapist for a 2 year old that doesn't talk a lot! That I have to say is crazy. Some kids are talking by 2 and some aren't. Let kids be kids!
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MARB
17 yrs ago
evildeeds
Having a two year old that doesn't talk much assessed by a speech therapist is by no means CRAZY.
I am speaking from experience. The earlier a problem is detected the earlier a child can get the relevant help needed. (if there is a problem of course)
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Kim11
17 yrs ago
I used to feed in the same room at the 2 year old and play, read, and talk or watch tv with him while feeding. It would be about 30 min all up. Maybe you could check if you could get it shorter than 1.5 hours. That is a lot of time out of your day.
Then I would sit and play for at least a few minutes with 2 year old after feeding so he felt like he had some time as well.
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My first 2 children are not even 15 months apart. When my son was a newborn I was always breasfeeding in the living-room where my little daughter was playing, and often offered her to sit next to me with a book that we can 'read' together. She would also watch and take part in bathing time, nappy change etc if she wants to. I was only trying to feed alone in his room for the evening feed in order to get him to rest quietly.
When baby is very young, I found it difficult to manage the breastfeeding time and it can easily extend over 1 hour, but after 2-3 weeks I start to calculate the time and will not 'allow' more than 15 min each breast, the nurses told me that babies got the quantity of milk they need in the first 5 min of the feeding, and after is more for 'comfort'. So for comfort I give them a pacifier and I can get on with doing other things.
We had our third child in January, and the 1st 2 weeks I found it difficult to have time for the elder ones (now 3 and 4), but after 3 weeks it was much better already. I also accept that I don't do everything ie am not the one giving the bath/changing nappy every time and I would leave it to my helper from time to time so I can play with the elder ones.
And same after 2 weeks I always breastfeed in the living room, and manage homework/puzzle/tea time/arguments between them at the same time, and my little one is not really distracted.
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MARB,
So how early is early? If they are not talking by 1? Over 50% of kids are only saying a few words at 2 and if they are saying a few words then all should be ok. People want their kids to grow up so fast now. Speaking from experience do not force it forward, enjoy all that time with them as they are and as they develop at their own pace. You can never get it back.
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hi...yes..i think i will breastfeed in the living room..that way, at least i can be with my elder one in the same room.
yes..i know 1.5 hour is long...but i do expect improvement as he grows. he has problem latching on...it took him 10-15 min to latch on...poor boy..as i m trying to wean him off nipple shield. i know bottle is easier, but i don't want to give up direct latch on so fast. i successfully wean off my 1st boy from nipple shield to latch on and breastfeed him for 6 months..so i would like to do the same for my 2nd. indeed, now that my 2nd boy into his 3 week, there is improvement. you see why it takes me 1.5 hour, is 10-15 min to latch on (previously), breastfeed 15 min or so...change diaper, breastfeed another breast, and i pump whatever left in my breast to increase supply and to be prepare for his 3rd week growth spurth. this is 3rd week, i don't pump in the day anymore when i let him latch on. so now the breastfeeding time reduces. i pump at nite when i feed him bottle.
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cara, I agree with what you say and if that was part of this thread I'd also agree. The OP said the child speak some words, she also said he doesn't understand but nor would any child whose mother shuts themselves away for an hour and a half to breastfeed. Sometimes it is a speech issue, sometimes a hearing issue, sometimes a parental issue. What has been posted here is nowhere near enough to actually tell.
But I see a crazy trend here where parents always compare their kids with others and if their kids is slower than their friends (or in the case of many expat tai tai's doesn't match the development chart they downloaded from the internet) they immediately throw them into therapy. Usually in these cases it's the parental problem and more time with the kids would solve the issues.
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Well said evildeeds. I remember being in playgroup and this other mother kept asking me when my daughter had done certain things, like crawl or stand up. She was flabbergasted when I could give no more than rough numbers. I mean, we have it written down but seriously. And then she was telling me when her kids had done x and y. Totally comparing. In the end I told her that as long as they are roughly in sync it wasn't that important. Any random child is normally "early" with some things and "late" with others. That's it!
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Z
17 yrs ago
It's not that unusual for a newborn to eat 45 min per side -- they will speed up quickly, so don't worry about that -- but do try to get in touch with your local la leche as nipple shields are rarely if ever recommended -- they will be able to have somebody come out and help you with latch issues.
My daughter was nearly 2 when my son was born -- and she got very tired of watching TV very quickly [I know, whoever heard of a kid saying "no more TV mama"]. The things that helped us -- to put the little one on a schedule as quickly as possible [feeding him when he woke up rather than feeding to sleep in the beginning also helped him concentrate on eating and eat more quickly]; when the little one is sleeping, to declare it "special time" with Mama - we didn't do anything too unusual, but I made sure to focus on her without double processing, and it did give her a frame of reference for "as soon as #2 is asleep, it will be our special time;" made sure that she got quite a bit of extra playtime with DH as well as with her Papa. The first month is the roughest. It will get better.
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