how to handle this? Helper is leaving...

my helper is leaving after 1 more month, she will finish her contract and leave.


My kids absolutely adore her, and she loves my kids dearly. She has been nothing but an asset and a real help during her time here. My son was taken care by her since the day he was born. He is now 4 years old.


I am very worried about how my kids will react the day she leaves. Any other parents have advice or experience, what to do and how long does it take the kids to get over her departure?


Is it going to be a problem when the new helper comes ?


Worried.

Be honest. Tell your children that auntie is leaving. Since your kids are young, perhaps leave it until the last week. You could have the kids help you pick our a present for her. Give everyone a chance to say good bye properly.


Don't expect the new helper to seamlessly replace the old one. She is a different person after all. However, ensure your kids give the new one a proper chance. There may be some resentment but over time that should pass. It could take several weeks, but it can take that long when the "first" helper arrives anyway.

It's a hard one we had to go through recently when our helper had to leave. She'd been with our daughter since 3 months of age and was a huge asset. I think the helper was more upset than the daughter! It took a little while for our daughter to settle down and when the new helper started it was a stranger in the house - interaction seemed minimal because there was no relationship. Gradually though that built up and now our daughter has bonded with the new helper and things are back where they were.


It takes time and you must give the relationship a chance to form. It wont be an immediate thing. Remember that when you are wondering whether you have picked the correct person or not.

It is important that the children KNOW who their parents are as opposed to home help. If your relationship with them is strong, there should be minimal disruption.


You could try weaning them by spending more time with them in the changeover period.


My daughter could speak fluent Vietnamese before achieving the same fluency in English but she quickly overcame staffing changes. Our old nannies still visit as family friends and she recognised their status.

As your child is only 4 yo he/she will probably adapt very quickly to change. If you just say it casually like its time for soandso to go back to her family and we are getting someone new I am sure the child will accept it. Act like it is a normal thing to change helpers regularly.

My first helper did a runner when my kids were 2 and 3 - she went on holiday for 2 weeks so we didn't realise straight away she was gone for good. Anyway my younger child never even noticed she was gone and the 3 yo only once mentioned her name but by the time I organised a new helper the old one was completely forgotton.

I fired my second helper when my kids were at school at it took them a few days to even notice she was gone and even then they seemed quite indifferent about it.

Having said that I do not work so my kids spent minimum time with the helper, your case may be different, but honestly I don't think they will notice much.

I've been priming my 4yo for when i terminate my current helper. Over the past few months I have been explaining that she works for mummy to make all our lives easier and despite the fact that she loves him and he loves her, if mummy stopped paying her she would leave, just like all the other "aunties". (This was an important revelation for him - he didn't believe it at first). I also explained that she is not part of our family so therefore can't stay with us forever.

I am hoping that when the time comes it will ease the transition somewhat although i expect that he will miss her terribly the first couple of weeks but then completely move on like most little kids do.

I disagree. Definitely give your kids (and your helper) a chance to say goodbye. They might feel horribly betrayed otherwise. What message does it send if a care-giver who has a big impact suddenly disappears?

Kids are resilient. It will be hard on you hearing your kids ask for the previous helper and having to train a new one, but in a few weeks they will ask less and in a few months, they will start to forget her. Let them say good-bye so they don't get fears that people who love you disappear without notice!! That'd be unsettling indeed. I suspect beancurd is Asian and axptguy is Western due to the 2 differing views. I've had helpers leave with the big scene of the kids watching and also had the helper leave while they were at school. My kids prefer to say bye, cry it out and then they can move on more quickly. Having a quick bawl is good for healing your soul.

I've changed helpers and the plus side is that although your chldren through some grieving, in the long-run, they will have a bit of distance between themselves and the helper. That can be good so they won't be as heartbroken when the next one leaves.

Tell your kids that the helper wants to live near her mom, but really loves them, will miss them and will try to visit them later. that will make it feel like the kids aren't getting deserted, but after a few weeks, your kids will ask less and less for the helper. After a few months, your children will start to forget her. good luck.