6 yr old social skills/confidence/self esteem/behaviour

My son is almost 6. What worries me about him is that he is so comfortable with kids, he'll play and is very vocal. BUT when it comes to adults, he'll shut down. Most of my friends haven't heard him speak. He totally refuses to speak, won't make eye contact, he finds it difficult (I know he's trying but the words just wouldn't come out). Speaks to his teacher if coaxed to in a very low voice. He lacks confidence. But at home he is a non stop chatter box even with the helper. I have noticed this since he was 3.

Behaviour - He is quite stubborn, doesn't like to share (much better now though compared to 1year ago). A Fussy eater.

I keep teaching him table manners but he'll stuff food in his mouth, throw the fork at times, mess the table. It's very difficult for him to sit and finish his food.

When we go out he'll immediately want to buy something. We patiently tell him that it's not possible to always buy things, then its hell to pay. He'll start troubling, pulling, pushing etc.

On the other hand he does get bullied by friends, he'll be shy, won't talk to others. Is it just a passing phase? At times I feel his misbehaviour is due the inability to express himself to others. I am going to see a child psychologist to find out further if there is anything troubling him. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

just to comment on a couple of your points - my 6 year old daughter also thinks every shopping trip is a time to buy something for her - we have started telling her before we go out and so if she wants to have a hissy fit she gets to stay at home, but she knows the score before we leave the house. We talk alot about expectations before the event rather than having to deal with it in public but if we are out shopping and she starts to fuss we leave the store even if it means inconvenience to us. for example shopping for birthday presents for friends is often difficult.


Same on table manners - throwing fork or food is immediate end of meal and nothing else till the next meal.


Have you spoken to his teachers to see what they think? Often they have guidance on childhood stages, and if they have been teaching for a while they have seen a range of kids.


And I would certainly try speaking with his doctor / gp to see what their thoughts are on your concerns.

Agreed with kiwimmc. You have to make him understand that tantrums, throwing cutlery and so forth are unacceptable with no exceptions. One warning and then it's end of meal. There should be no more need to teach basic table manners. He probably knows exactly what he should do but chooses not to. IF this means a tantrum at every meal, so be it. Things will improve if he notices he is getting nowhere.


I also agree that you should talk to your doctor/nurse for an informal chat.

Thanks very much! I'll try the tips.Infact I am going to see a C.Psy regarding social skills.

Hi Miss Muffet,


We have exactly the same issue for our two boys. At school they can barely whisper a reply to the teacher or basically any adult that is in an authoritarian position. We took the oldest to see someone and his advice was to talk to him about how important it is to answer people and to look them in the eye e.t.c. We did a bit of roleplaying and did some practice at home. To be honest it has only slightly improved a few years on but the psychologist told us to relax and not put too much pressure on them. I think as long as they have friends and talk happily to adults they know well there is not too much to worry about. They have a shy nature and as long as they understand that it is considered rude not to answer adults there is not alot you can do. Just make sure that you talk about their behaviour in a very positive way. We used to give stickers and stamps when they answered in loud voices.

Anyway I think it is entirely normal behaviour from a six year old and wouldn't worry too much about it. It will help to put your mind at rest though if you discuss this with a children's behaviour expert.

I think it is normal too.


I mean adults and figures of authority like a teacher can be intimidating to a 6 year old.


My daughter does not sit at the table for her meals either. She'll walk around also.


They are also still learning their ways with friends.... how to react to bullies, when to be social etc etc etc. Hopefully we can guide them well.


If you are troubled by it, however, it is of course good to see a child specialist. They may help ease your mind or teach you techniques on how to handle.


Good luck.

Thanks. It does make me feel better.