Sibling rivalry - Help!

I just had a 2nd baby a week ago, and so far my elder son (almost 3) has been loving and caring to baby sister. Whenever baby cries, he comes over and says gently to baby: "Don't worry baby, big brother is here. You'll be fine."


Having said that, he's been behaving strangely at other times. We are having a lot of challenge dragging him to the meal table (he used to be pretty cooperative. And ocasionally if he doesn't feel like eating, we bribe him by offering some dessert after the meal and that often works magic) This trick obviously doesn't work any more. He can go without lunch or dinner. I think he's having some anxiety ever since baby sister arrives, and he's obviously drawing attention. On one hand I feel guilty for spending less time with him during the day due to non-stop feeding and sleep deprivation, so I do try to be more lenient because I know that is just a stage that he's going through. On the other hand I know I cannot encourage bad behaviours by letting this win our attention. Sometimes I just don't know if I should be more lenient or more strict on him. Any advice what I can do to help him go through this anxiety?

I would say be lenient. He's already having a tough time knowing that he now has to "share" the attention, it'll be awful if all of you start scolding him for it.


Try to spend some one to one time with him when his baby sister is asleep, assure him that he's still very special but that everybody now needs to accomodate a baby. Let him help with her care and he'll enjoy it. Praise him more when he does the right thing instead of scolding him for his wrongdoings.


He'll get over it. Kids know when they are hungry. I too have to learn to ease up a little in that department.


Good luck.

When I got pregnant with my second child, this was my greatest worry. I would hate it if my son (first child) would feel as if we love him less because we have a new baby at home. I was worried, but then my sister, bought me a book called "Sibling Rivalry, Sibling Love". You can find this at any book store (Dymocks/Bookazine). It's a wonderful book that helps parents avoid Sibling Rivalry on their kids. You may not have time to read but if you can read a page a day or even just a paragraph, you will get lot's of good coaching as to how to handle your "very normal" situation.


My son is now turning 11 this year and my daughter is turning 7 next month. They love each other so much. My daughter cannot live without her big brother and I say that book helped a lot to get us to this state!! I still review the book whenever I'm lost so it is still very useful. All of my friends, my parents-in-law and my parents are impressed with how my kids are very close. Of course, they still argue, but they are close to each other even though they are 4 years apart.


What I've learned is that the second child is the one to adapt the already formed family. The second child will grow with what you and your first son has already established and will adapt whole-heartedly instead of the other way round. If you have a maid, it is a good idea to have her help out as much as she can so that your time is mostly with the first child. It will reward you later on... You will see!

Thanks Gemma and jemtomfrance! Very helpful advice. jemtomfrance - I'll sure look for that book you recommend. I hope my children will be as close to each other as yours. Now that a few weeks from when I first posted this thread, things did improve. My son seems more used to having baby sis around. Once my relative came visit and joked that she would take away baby sis because she always cries. My son said No immediately with tears running down his face. I didn't know until then he was so attached to her already. I was so impressed ;)

That's wonderful!!!