I work in a small team and one of the team members is extremely introverted and doesn't make any effort at conversation or team communication. You either get one word answers or just silence unless you make all the conversation
This bugs me and I have tried to make an effort with conversation but have got to the point where I now just switch off from that person and try to avoid getting lumbered with them at work social events.
This plays on my mind a lot - Am I being nasty?
Mgt are aware of the situation but seem to take no action.
Do you think this type of "mute" behaviour is normal?
Why do I let it bug me so much?
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ilu
16 yrs ago
hmmmm.....i dun even understand why your company hired someone like that??? if a person refuses to communicate how would teamwork works??? i'd have completely mad if im encoutered someone like tat...i'd have done the same shut down the "shxx". well if you are not happy abt the working environment, i think its better start thinking switching jobs.
if the management r locals, they wont care shxx cos they only care whether he/she does his/her work...dun give shxx abt whether they get long with the team or not.....they think its your own pro and you have to deal with it....my last employer (finance manager told me i have to put up with it), he wont fire anyone even tho they set me up and did shxx to me or making everyone is unhappy....he claimed its our job to deal with it and accept it....thats why i resigned....i cant work with someone who tried to set me up with shxxx and the managers refuse to help and there is no what u so called teamwork.....its all empty words....
get ready to get a new job
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My advice is nothing more than how I would deal with this situation. You describe your colleague as being extremely introvert, unable or unwilling to make conversation. Like most people, I would surely find this difficult. But of course what you have described makes me think that this person has a serious problem. As difficult as it is on you and your other team members, it is part of the reality of life. There will always be people in whatever setting you find yourself in that you won't like or find irritating or simply don't want to be around. While my heart goes out to you, in some way I feel even more sorry for this person who finds it so impossible to communicate. What a tragedy. I think it would be healthier for you, in your relationship with this person, to simply try your best to feel sympathy for them rather than let them irritate you. Every time you find yourself getting upset with this person, try to thank your lucky stars that you are not him. I bet he wishes he wasn't him too. Good luck.
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Some people are quiet and like their privacy.
If they do their job to management satisfaction, which it seems they do, then you should respect their choice and leave them be.
You have your circle of friends and they have their theirs; just because people work together doesn't necessarily mean they have to socialise together.
Perhaps on another forum somewhere there is a thread - My colleague is extroverted and talks all the time. It's not that I don't like him/her/them it's just with my [insert list of life problems here] I can't make the effort.
Perhaps he just doesn't like you and is to polite to say?
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I work quite closely with someone who at first I thought was downright rude as she doesn't even greet me in the mornings or say goodbye in the evenings, and is very quiet unless absolutely necessary, apart from odd occasions when she will ask rather personal questions about the very few subjects that seem to interest her (mainly money). Although she appears quite confident and not desperately shy, she tends to avoid talking with anyone. I am now convinced that she has mild aspergers syndrome as she seems to have all the symptoms, especially poor social skills. So I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt for her behaviour and don't get bugged about it.
Of course, the other alternatives are she just doesn't like me (or the rest of her peers), or, quite possibly, she is one of those unfriendly co-workers who only invest their time in talking to people in power who can help her rise to the top. Sadly, I've met loads of that type too...
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Welcome to China.
Well the OP spoke on how one of the team members does not communicate with the rest of the team. Fine if the person doesnt want to talk outside of work but if work calls for team communication, the person either should be written up or let go. Dont take a job that requires you to talk to people if you're going to use your inside voice all day.
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How long have you known your colleague? How much do you know about what is going on in the rest of their life? Are your professional roles antagonistic?
I'm suggesting:
• some people take a while to warm to others and it takes a while to get to know someone, so perhaps you are not pressing the right conversational buttons.
• you can have no idea if that person is going through some kind of personal tragedy that makes small talk seem pretty silly.
• I have colleagues I avoid talking to. We are on the same team but actually to do our jobs properly involves thwarting professional ambitions.
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The most important thing is to not let someone else's behaviour effect your own mood. Avoiding or not reacting to someone like this is probably the best thing to do. I have people like this in my workplace (I think we all do here), and I always say a cheery good morning and goodbye, even if they don't respond. Just keep doing it without expecting any response. If you maintain an emotional consistency then you will feel better. Lowering our expectations of other people has a lot of benefits. It removes questions like "do they like me?... have I done something to upset this person? blah blah.." They are just really shut down people, but that doesn't mean you should shut down.
You ask why this bugs you so much. It bugs you because you have very normal expectations of how people should treat each other and this person's behaviour breaches all of them, appears not just anti-social, but rude. It's a natural psychological response to be offended and irritated. However, not much point in this context. So lower your expectation, develop relationships with others, and let the quiet one fade into the background where s/he prefers to be.
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