Posted by
Xshoequeen
16 yrs ago
Hi, I am expecting No.2 in August, then No.1 will be 20 months.
- Can I move No.1 to a toddler bed and use her crib for No.1 or does she still need to use the crib?
-Can I use the baby monitor in her room for No.2, in other words, can she graduate the baby monitor or do I need one for each?
Thank you very much for your kind advices.
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Hi there,
Congratulations! I'm also expecting No.2 in August.
You can move number 1 to a toddler bed - preferably do it at least a month before number 2 comes along, so the older child doesn't feel like she's being kicked aside for the new one. You could even include her in decorating the new room.
Regarding the baby monitor, it depends how loud number 2 cries in the middle of the night! If you feel you need two to monitor the babies, you can buy a second. It's totally up to you!
I'm also having a girl - just found out yesterday - two girls as well. :-)
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- Forget the toddler bed. Get a big bed. Both ours moved to big (but low so they could get in and out with a very low step stool) beds at 16 months. Just make sure you have rails. You can take those off in a few years. Make sure you engage #1 in the whole "big bed" process. Both ours loved their new big beds.
- You only need two baby monitors if you have two rooms. Then again at 20 months there is no real need unless you have a big house.
Congrats on your girls. We also have two. Wheeee!
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Slammy, axptguy, thank you so much for your advices.
Slammy, congratulations to you, too!!!!! Maybe our No.2's could do play dates when they pass the "can support their neck by themselves" stage!!!
I just found out yesterday that No.1's crib can be converted into a bed so we'll do that and buy a new crib for No.2. Thank you axptguy for your sound advice on moving directly to a big bed but, we live in a small flat and I don't think a normal bed will fit in her room unless I ask Wanchai but, for the moment, we'll utilise what we have!
No.1 certainly has a big insisting voice(oh boy, she does not give up!!) you cannot miss so think will transfer the monitor to the new nursery.
Poor No.2, she'll have all the hand me downs from No.1!!
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Ah. Well in a small flat hold out until a bunk bed is an option, or until you move. ;)
Hand me downs are not a huge deal. Our #2 is SO happy when she gets stuff that used to be her big sister's. She loves it.
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Hi Shoequeen,
Yes, I have the same problem with teeny tiny bedrooms and I haven't got around to buying a bed yet. I thought about just putting a single-sized mattress on the floor, so we could still play around the whole room. Then I looked at toddler beds but they seemed too small. So I'm hoping for something inbetween, but haven't found anything yet.
I also worried about poor number 2 having hand-me-downs, but that's good to hear that she might look forward to it instead! And at least I get more usage out of all the cute clothes I bought that have only been worn a few times! :-)
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Z
16 yrs ago
Heh heh heh -- my #2 is a 19 month old boy and he STILL gets hand me downs from his sister. Of course, they wear the same size pants at the moment [too long in the legs for him, too wide in the waist for her], and it is sometimes getting difficult to convince him that he doesn't want to wear a dress....
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Z
16 yrs ago
We are the same. We try to keep him out of her dresses, but they went to a party the other day and have both been decked out in the hello kitty party favors [headbands, bracelets, rings] ever since.
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Congratulations everyone on their number 2's! I have 1 little girl - 9 months old, and we were more than happy to turn off the monitor when she was 6 months old. I think it helps them because we're not jumping up at the tiniest sound and she can teach herself to go back to sleep if she wakes in the night. We haven't had any problems.
When number 2 comes along we'll move her into a normal single bed (otherwise life becomes rather expensive). There are lots you can do to stop your baby falling out. Check out these fabulous products:
dream Tubes:
http://babycentral.com.hk/Dream-Tubes.html
grobag - my first duvet
http://babycentral.com.hk/First-Duvet-Single-Bed.html
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I also have 2 same and I have to say I love the hand downs .. it means I dont have to go out and drag 2 kids round the shops to find things for the second .. just open up the box and next size up clothes are waiting.
As an idea on the bed - our baby slept in a good quality travel cot for about 6 months, which might give you some more flexibility on what you do re a bed for your elder.
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OK,
I have measured up everything and conclusion is, I need to move No.1 in the other room and the new baby will sleep in her current room due to the efficiency of changing/ bathing/sunlight,etc.
Does anyone have experience in how to handle this "transfer?" No.1 is quite attached to her room and her favorite past time is running from her room to the living room and then going back to get another toy just to drop it off in the living room and she enjoys doing this for ages.....
Thank you so much for your advises.
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- Don't do it abruptly.
- Ask her how she wants to furnish the new room. It doesn't have to be all her ideas, but if you work together to prepare her new room she will feel like she owns the process.
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Hi axptguy and Cara, thank you so much for your advises. Such great ideas that I'm already relaxed about the whole process!! Hope you have a great weekend!!!
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cara's clever and Machiavellian method of controlled choice also teaches the kids the cost of decisions. The important thing is never to back down.
"I don't want my food."
"That's fine, but then you can't have dessert or have milk before bed. In fact no food until breakfast."
"Hmmm. I don't want my food I want dessert"
"Not if you don't eat your main course"
"Hmmm fine I won't eat"
"You'll be hungry later"
"No I won't"
Even if she is starving two hours later, do NOT give in.
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Thank you so much for the words of wisdom axptguy and Cara, I have practiced it several times the last couple of days and she is starting to understand that there is more to life than the way she wants.
Maybe this is not the most appropriate section but, i came up with another preparation question. My current helper is wonderful to the point where she is more a housekeeper/ mother / nanny advisor and she is soo excited about having a new arrival. I asked her if she needs help and she said no, she would like to be alone as having a 2nd helper she does not click with will be more trouble. That means, she will have a lot more to do and the age difference between No.1 and 2 is 20 months.
My question is, how much raise should I give her?
Currently, we pay her quite more than minimum + 3 month bonus + Trip back home during Christmas + necessity upon her request + food + this sounds stupid but, always including her on little treats when we get it.
I was thinking a HKD2K raise effective No.2's arrival. Is this not enough?
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Agreed with cara. Give her a raise but later. Or even better just a bigger bonus, which you can change if your personal circumstances change.
And yes, you are being very generous. Some helpers are worth it, and yours seems to be one of those.
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Hi Cara, axptguy, thanks so much for your advises. You are right, but, pregnancy brain never thought of it!!
Have a good evening!!!
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I have a question: double stroller or not?
My daughter will be 2 when the new one comes along.
Phil & Teds appears to be the lightest double stroller, but I think it's too big for inner-city living.
I don't see the point in buying a double stroller that weighs 14 kilos because how on earth will I push it up a hill with two kids in it!!
BUT... if I don't buy a double stroller, then it'll be difficult to go out with my two kids together by myself, right?
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Double-wide, nope. Phil & Ted is fantastic. Sure, it's heavy to push up a hill but this is hardly an insurmountable obstacle.
Another option is a wheeled board so #1 can stand in back (between you and stroller). You can get these for a variety of models. At only 2 years, #1 will tire quickly though.
We've had three strollers and the Phil & Ted saw the most use.
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Yes... but Phil and Teds... in Causeway Bay? It's so wide!
We have two strollers already... one for a baby, and a lighter McLaren one. I'm not sure my husband will let me buy a third! hahahah
Well, I'll give birth first and then see how I feel. It's only a short drive to Bumps to Babes at Horizon Plaza to buy a Phil & Teds...
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Phil & Ted is wider than a MacLaren but compared to a side-by-side (your only real alternative) it is really narrow. ;)
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My 20-month-old daughter wants to be carried EVERYWHERE! Even when we have the stroller, she would much rather we carry her.
People say it's because she can sense I'm pregnant... but even if I'm not there, she wants to be carried by grandma.
Sigh... maybe I'll just use the single stroller for the newborn... and CARRY the older one while I push with the other hand.
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Agreed with cara. Of course she wants to be carried everywhere. Kids are experts at getting what they want. Believe me, she CAN walk a considerable distance if she has to. And she won't get any better at walking if you keep carrying her.
Just the other day I saw a crying child pleading to be carried. Mummy was all hard for a minute or three, but finally relented after giving the kid a little lecture. The kid didn't care about the lecture. She got what she wanted! Don't be fooled!
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I know. There's nothing I could say in the face of such logic. (but she's so cuuuute...)
Well, she's exactly like her mother. I always wanted to be carried. I even remember, when I was about five years old, my mum explaining to me that she couldn't carry me because it would "squash" the pattern on the front of my dress. What a load of rubbish - but of course I believed it at the time. :-)
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"but she's so cuuuute.."
I know EXACTLY how you feel. :) They do know how to push our buttons.
This might help: If you don't say no now, it will become harder and harder and harder and harder. I firmly believe that kids that do not learn they can't always get their way risk becoming quite spoiled despite their parents' best intentions.
Also if you want to scare yourself, this about what will happen in 16 years: "Mummy could I please borrow the car? Please please please I promise to be careful." Or even less fun: "Mummy, can Billy sleep over?" I already worry about these far off questions.
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axptguy, I think you so me. I am on the process of learning not to give in the cuteness, tough tough tough especially those crocodile tears!!!!!
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Indeed. The thing is, once you call their bluff they are forced to run after you as you walk away. Surprise surprise their legs didn't fall off on the next step! This makes me feel less bad. ;)
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Axptguy: Also if you want to scare yourself, this about what will happen in 16 years: "Mummy could I please borrow the car? Please please please I promise to be careful." Or even less fun: "Mummy, can Billy sleep over?"
I know it's meant to scare me but I just laughed out loud at this! LOL
Well, on a serious note - my daughter's very good and responds very well when things are explained to her. There was one occasion when I was too tired to carry her and I explained this to her, and after listening to me, she was okay and walked. Also, I usually stick to what I say and she knows this - so if I'm not happy with her, I just tell her that I'm going to leave the room and not play with her, and she usually behaves.
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"my daughter is a VERY stubborn girl.... don't know where she got it from???)"
I always tell my helper that my older one gets her stubbornness from her. She laughs and laughs. :)
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When I talk to No.1, should I tell her that she is going to become a big sister or just plain big girl? I want her to realize that babies are not a threat in any way to her "love of my life" position and to be gentle with smaller babies.
No.1 is realizing now that there is something that brings attention to everyone is in my tummy, on good days she will kiss my belly and climb up on me and we all take a nap together. When the baby kicks, she becomes really confused and gives me this look, where did that come from???? On bad days, she will poke/hit/ sit on my tummy. I took her to occasions that expose her to smaller babies but, she absolutely hates it when I carry an infant, she will go hit them even if I repeat and show "gentle." It could be her way of showing affection as she does it to me, papa and baba( our helper). But, I really want to her to learn caress and being gentle to smaller beings.
At the same time, my mother told me that she hated always being lablelled the older sister as it implied, "since you are the bigger sister endure lots."
How should I explain to No.1 about being gentle to smaller children?
Thank you for your advise!!!!!
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Wise words from cara.
NEVER accept hitting. This should lead to IMMEDIATE discipline. Just saying "gentle" is not enough. Walk away. Give time out. Take away toys. Whatever it takes.
Once you've established that clear boundary, praise (and occasionally reward) big sister when she shows kindness and consideration for little one. She does crave your approval and when she figures out she can get that approval by being kind to her sibling, it will slowly change her behavior. Kids aren't born with morals. They have to be taught them.
Buying our older one a "baby" of her own worked wonders in our family. Sure, the "baby" will often get bumped or forgotten, but it doesn't matter since it is not real. Big sister was doing the best job a 2 year old could.
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Hi Cara, Hi axptguy, thank you so much for showing me the way.
And yes you are right Cara, I should enjoy this time with my daughter. You guys made me relaxed! My husband tells me that I worry too much and jokes that it's a part of my nationality.
The hitting thing, I know, I HAVE to stop it. Just that observing her and I have no idea how she got the idea but, it seems that she thinks that it's a way of showing affection. Showing affection and empathy is such a great thing, I have a BIG BIG dilemma when I say "NO, it is not acceptable" as I feel like I am discouraging the affection side as well. She is a very very active girl and really determined to get what she wants. Last time when I told her to rethink of her acts and left her, she didn't care being left in the room by herself, when I went in 5 minutes later, she was having the time of her life taking out all her clothes from the drawers......
Maybe I should work with her Baby Mickey doll ( she absolutely loathes real baby dolls) and show her what is showing care......
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"My husband tells me that I worry too much and jokes that it's a part of my nationality."
All mothers worry too much. It's part of your gender, not your nationality. ;)
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Good morning! Next day, a new day!
Cara, axptguy, I cannot express my gratitude to all the "free" advises you are giving me. It's such words of wisdom. Whenever I bump into a problem, I look at all these books(at Dymocks, thank you Dymocks) and the net and talk to lots of professionals, etc and in the end, it gets so overwhelming that I had forgotten something. Go with my instincts as my daughter is half me and my better half so I should have a sense of what is wrong. Your words as parents "now" who are facing their children with love and care gives me the courage to go forward! Thank you so much.
Cara, you are right, I am the mother, I should be the one that should show her. I started the day in a new attitude(oppose to the insecure, is this ok or not? mommy). Precious and Baba are confused why heehaw mommy is not here but, it is starting to work.
Little by little, step by step, it's going to be a long journey but, we'll be the happiest family in the world!!
Thanks a bunch and have a great great day!!!
PS. I figured out why she "hits." When I cuddle her, I pat her in the bumbum, hard for a full grown up to get rid of a habit but, WILL have to get rid of this one!!!
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Thank you Cara, even a mom like you have those moments? wow.....
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I went book shopping yesterday, to Bumps to Babes, Pollux Books, Toys Club, at Horizon Plaza. I couldn't find a book to teach my 20-month-old that I'm having a baby and she'll be a big sister. I thought I would find loads of choice!
Anyone have any titles they can suggest, or where to look further?
I found two books - one was WAY too old for my daughter, and the other was about being a big brother! Not sister.
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