It is good to love, it shows you have the heart for love.
Know that if you get involved with a married person, you will never, ever, have them. Even with all the same b/s stories and promises, don't expect it, you will only set yourself up for heartache and disappointment.
Do not get obsessed. Do not 'map out' your life with this person. If you are not seeing this person any more, move on.
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i had the same experience so i know how it feels...
u have to accept the fact that he belongs to someone else..especially they have children and they will be his priority for sure.
but there are lots of guys out there that can give u love and quality time.
Move on girl.
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butch
16 yrs ago
Better to have a 'painful end' than a 'never ending pain'.
Onward...upward...forward...
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i'm married ,he's married we both have our own kids.
We had a great time together
But things didn't last
Yet i cherish all those momments with him that i never experienced with my own husband.
Hoping he could still thinking about me sometimes.
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I have absolutely NO sympathy for you.... what were you thinking getting involved with a married man with a KID for goodness sake??
I seriously don't get chicks like you - what were you trying to achieve in having an affair with a married man, especially one with a child? Did you hope to "WIN" this scumbag of a man who cheats and lies and doesn't give a damn about how an affair can ruin his innocent kid's life forever?! Do you really think a man like this will make a good husband to you or be a good role-model for your children? Or were you simply a self-fish homewrecker out to have some fun and with no intention of marriage and kids with this man yourself? A 5 month affair is no innocent 'mistake'.
If you had a shred of self respect, and if he was truly a worthy man - you should have told him to give you a call AFTER the divorce!
Did you stop for one second to think about how this could impact on this poor child's life? Id hate to see what sort of mother you will make if you have so little regard for the life and happiness of a child.
Imagine if someday, if or when you finally find someone (single) and get married and have his kids - that this happens to you too!! Beware - Karma is coming for you!
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don't know if the initial post was true or simply bait to start an emotive debate on this issue.
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kamm
16 yrs ago
You're only apologising because he broke your heart. If he had left his family for you, would you be apologising to his wife and children then?? I think not.
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Your favorite Cowboy comes again to save the day. I am quoting your first post:
1. "trouble with wife will divorce soon"
2. "Now his wife suspects him and he stays home more..."
Don't you think there is a contradiction here? Are you (and all women who think they can steal a man from his wife) THAT delusional.
This is what REALLY happens. He took you for a ride, and you were a good ride indeed. Then, you began asking for more...he knew he had to dump you, but he wanted to ride the pony a bit longer, so he came along with the "I will divorce soon" story. It was good for a while, but then you slowly began realizing that he was taking an awful amount of time to get divorce, I mean, it takes less than a month to do the whole process, and even a day if is amicable.
Anyways, after he rode you all the way to the sunset and back, after he put a couple of hundred thousand miles in that odometer of yours, he knew it was time to say goodbye. He, smart and observant man, knew that if he was to break up with you suddenly you would make all sort of scenes, so he decided to slip away, ending the relationship five months later...
...now tell me, dear, am I in the ballpark? Sure you will say no because.. how could I understand your real love with him? Oh yes, you have true love, the one nobody else has, and he is a poor troubled man with a tirant wife, right?
...and yet, at the end of the day, he is still with his wife and you still believe you had love.
This Cowboy is no Christian, but I think some people are blessed with stupidity.
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I 100% agree with TXCowboy.
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Sorry madtown, shall I lie to them? not in a post, not. And I do believe the odometer metaphor is quite appropiated, specially in this case.
You see, married guys treat mistresses like they treat cars (did I used the word "mistress"? oh my god I can't believe I did that!). The married guy has his old but very reliable BMW at home. He doesn't want to give it up, but the car is already old and it not as exciting as it was once.
So, the married guy goes for a walk and sees a much younger model on a dealership. He has a lease plan (marriage) with the old BMW so he can't give it up, so he says to himself "I don't care, I am going to take this one for a spin all the same". He takes the new car, rides it for a while, put some miles on it, and then when the salesperson (in this case, the new car itself) comes and says "so, did you enjoy the ride?" the guy says "yes of course".
Then is the tricky part. The salesperson/new car comes to the guy and says "so, how are you going to pay for this vehicle? Are you going to trade-in your old BMW? Are you going to take a new lease?"...at this very moment is when the married guy says...
...guess what he says?...
...Exactly. This is what he says: "You know what? Let me think about it..." and dissapears.
Now, Mr. Madtown, do you still think the odometer metaphor is unnapropiate?
Women may hate you, but they definitely don't hate me. Try no lying to them. Try being honest and saying exactly who you are and what you want. I think they call it "being mature".
Cheers.
TX.
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Oh spare us the fake guilt - you had a 5 month affair with a married man with a kid - that is not an innocent (one time or drunken) mistake! As Kamm said above, you are only sorry cause you've been dumped. And as I said above - what on Earth were you thinking?? I seriously don't get chicks like you - what were you trying to achieve in having an affair with a married man, especially one with a child? Did you hope to "WIN" this scumbag of a man who cheats and lies and doesn't give a damn about how an affair can ruin his innocent kid's life forever?! Do you really think a man like this will make a good husband to you or be a good role-model for your children? Or were you simply a self-fish homewrecker out to have some fun and with no intention of marriage and kids with this man yourself? Women like you disgust me!
You should be seriously ashamed of yourself and I hope to goodness you learn a lesson from this...
Girls like you need to wake up to yourselves! As Cowboy says, you're NOTHING to men like this - if they were decent men, worthy of your time and love, then they'd be decent enough to divorce their wives (if indeed their marriage is so unbareable and irreconcilable even for the sake of the child) BEFORE finding a new woman.
If you had an ounce of self respect you would tell this scumbag of a man to call you when he gets a divorce... and if he doesnt call, well hey - Cowboy is right and you are NOTHING but a good time! Do you really want someone like that? As a woman should have some empathy for your fellow women who are married with kids - and you should NEVER, EVER mess with a married man.
I know I've been harsh in my replies - but you need a wake up call girl - STOP being a ho and try to respect the sanctity of marriage and the feelings and lives of the innocent children involved..... or else you will turn into nothing but a lonely, bitter, twisted replica of Glen Close in Fatal Attraction... cause who would seriously consider spending their lives with a woman who thinks its OK to have an affair with a married man, especially one with kids!
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Madtown, I am purposedly using that language because we are in a situation where the married guy treated that girl like an object, so I don't see my language out of context.
The funny part is that you agree to what I wrote, yet you would prefer me to "pussify" myself into trying to say the same words but using a more "respectful" analogy. Would you prefer me to write something like "this poor girl was abused by that very bad man, that golden child of god was perverted by the evil work of that pig..."? Would that be less misogynistic? In other words, fine when we bash the guys, but god forbid we use any harsh wording when referring to women, right?
That girl KNEW full well that the guy was married. Sure he lied about getting divorce, but he is already a cheater, what do you expect? Her, in the other hand, tried to steal an already married man AND COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT THE WIFE. So, tell me, how could my wording be less "misogynistic"?
You want to be a pussy and make your wife and daughter higher than yourself, be my guest, but to me where are all equal, women and men, and the sooner we start speaking clearly the better we will all be.
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we make mistake.falling in love is something we can't choose or control.
Its important we accept it,forgive ourself and move on.
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Everyone has at some point been tempted, seduced or have secretly desired (somewhere in their dark sexually charged subconscious) to cross that line with that "other" person.
The big question is whether or not we decide to take it a step further or push it aside because its wrong. The power of choice and free will. What you do is entirely up to you, of which the consequences you MUST live with every day, either as a fond memory and don't regret your decisions or crucify yourself, say your Hail Marys and condemn & castrate yourself to a life of hell, all the while the beauty and essence of life will pass you by and you will start to regret when you find yourself on your death bed.
Everyone needs to stop pointing fingers and judging others.
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self righteous are those who wrote harsh words in this thread...
who knows u are worse than us who fell inlove with a married man...
No one is perfect in this world. Repentant sinner deserves forgiveness and no human has a right to judge his fellow human ,for we are all imperfect.
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Hmmm.......I think I am a Ferrari Enzo, no no no....can't run that fast; a Mercedes or Toyota Camry? No no no no no, I am not that boring; Ford? Well........ maybe a bit too old; Mini-cooper......a little too small?? Gee I know!!!! I am a bicycle!
No right or wrong in love, but I think no body would want to get into a mess if they are to choose. I once witnessed an affair involving a church pastor, can you imagine how tragic the drama was that? All the three were good people but were completely damaged and ruined in terms of emotion, relationships, marriage, career, and life.
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Do what you like when you're single but nobody has a right to break up someone else's relationship...
A lot of the problem is HK - tho' we love it, it's like university - everyone staffed up so we all bar-hop and normally without our partners... I'm a Brit and in a relationship and it's way harder to relate here than it was back home... That doesn't mean I don't like HK tho'...
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Stupidgal, I feel for you. I've been in the exact same situation. It's been over a year, or two, depending where I start counting for the breakup. Still hurts, but little bit less now. I wrote about my situation in the Marriage and Relationships forum, please look up thread How to get over him? (http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/marriage-relationships/threads/127928/how-to-get-over-him?/). Maybe reading it gives you some insights or thoughts. I can just say that I still dont get those people who throw very cruel slander at you while conveniently forgetting that you did not dance this tango alone. The guy also knew he was married, yet he got involved with you. Be kind to yourself and let time pass. The more time there is between you, and what happened with this guy, the duller the edges of pain get.
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Christelita, if you have done the same then you are nothin but a ho too! And yes I think the man in this saga also to blame too - hence in my previous posts I called him a lying, cheating scumbag.... but you doing this sort of thing to another woman and child/ren is despicable!
And you'd better get used to your own company Ho, cause who would seriously consider a long term relationship/settling down with a homewrecker like you
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I blame the man more than you, he has loved ones that he's responsible for and should answer to but you don't. If I were his wife I would wish and appreciate that you drop a note about the affair. She has the right to know.
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coffeemug - from your posts, I gathered you had been the other woman sometime in your life and you are advising those women to feel good about themselves as it's not their commitments, so there's no need to feel guilty.
Right you are - only the irresponsible husbands are the real rascals and you people just take part for the fun of it. Now, I know why there are so many broken marriages.
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HWHE
16 yrs ago
Don't really understand those people........ why do they get married if they like to play around???? Especially married with kids, do they think twice before having an affair.... will ruin their kids life. Don't you think you're so selfish bringing your innocent kids to this world and ruin their life because of you would like to experience or have fun..... affair????
You are old enough to control yourself for not falling in love with a married man with kid. Eventhough he said "trouble with his wife will divorce soon".... still none of your business.
After hurting people family by saying sorry, do you think will help??
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Absolutely "DO TELL" for the greater good of the society in the long run. Messiness is only temporary. If more people will tell there will be in a lot less cheating, lying, and people pretendng to be someone they are not (i.e. trustworthy) in this world.
Informing the husbands/wives being cheated on is not just the honest thing to do, it also creates a win-win-win situation:
- For the lying cheaters, they deserve the music to be faced and are likely to think twice next time when contemplating on cheating. In the longer term it may help them become better and more disciplined spouses (albeit out of fear of consequences);
- The innocent spouses are aware of the truths and can make informed decisions about their lives, be it to leave for future opportunities to meet better and more decent people (before it is too late), or stay with the cheaters yet with more wisdom to prevent and control over further incidents;
- The "other men/women" get a chance to cut their losses, move on and bring their lives back on track.
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She knows she's stupid and if she's ever been on here before she knows she won't get any sympathy, she left the door open for us to judge her. Hope the guy reads it & knows what a scumbag we all think he is. But tell the wife?? Yeah, if you want to create a bigger mess. Let sleeping dogs lie (and we know who the dog is). So he's off the hook, at least ignorance is bliss for the wife & kid.
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The only reason we know he is a dog is because she "told" it here.
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TXcowboy, I agree, your post is extremely mysoginistic. Why would it put miles on a woman's odometer, as if she's got some sort of "expiry date" for being useful, attractive and loveable?
Viper, as one who has been relentlessly pursued by married men I tend to blame them, and yes, their wives should too, if that is the case.
In many cases the "other woman" only finds out later on in the relationship that the man is married. By then she's already made emotional committment and it hurts.
But yeah, I agree that having a fling and knowing the guy is married and thinking he would make a good partner for you is not very bright.
Everyone makes mistakes, you can't undo what's happened. You just need to look to the future and learn from whatever life brings you.
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Telling the wife would be just about the dumbest thing anyone could ever suggest.
Stupidgal, I can only hope you have learned from this experience and move on with your life. You truly deserve better.
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Not telling and letting the guy get away and continue to victimize other women and the wife is dumber than the dumbest thing.
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