Posted by
cynical1
16 yrs ago
Posted by cynical1 (40 mins ago)
Can anyone please recommend a counsellor (preferably Western) who is experienced with dealing with families and stepchildren?
My husband's 12 yr old son has come to live with us and is driving me crazy... he can be very rude to me, yells, screams, cries, slams doors etc whenever I ask him to do anything.... and its now causing problems with my husband as he always seems to take his side and he does not do anything when his son treats me rudely.... I dont know what else to do...
(I am based in Hong Kong)
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The director came to my daughters school and talked about 'connecting with your teen or pre-teen' She had some pretty interesting things to say.
She runs various programmes regarding parenting and kids.
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have you considered intense sports as a way of difusing the energy level?
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Sounds like you need to make sure your husband accompanies you to the meetings. He needs to make sure that his son respects you and that the boy knows that it is completely unacceptable to treat you this way. It doesn't matter wether it is your step-son, or a biological child. It's quite unfair of your husband to not be more objective and neutral. Best of luck.
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Dr Lucy Lord practise has a child pschologist from USA who seemed excellent.
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I had 12 years of a difficult relationship in which my husband never took my side
Its not really about sides - its about joint parenting ( same with biological kids) and setting boundaries which everyone understands
My stepson has now left home and I regret the years we did not have even though he was living with me - I dont even know his university or his courses or dates of return so dont let this happen to you
Get to a counsellor WITH your husband
St Johns is great - Leonie is excellent
Jadis Blurton of TALHK.com is also good
I dont think you need a Psychologist to ask for rules and respect in your own home!
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I don't think suggesting a counsellor is going to help thaw things between you and your step son. In fact it might even alienate your husband too because it will suggest that you think there is something wrong with his son... which no parent wants to hear. I think the first thing you need to remember is that this is a child who is most likely upset that his family, in his eyes, has broken up. He is helpless to do anything about it and his frustration is being directed at you, even if he knows deep down it is not your fault. I think instead of taking it personally you need to remember that you are the adult and that you need to rise above it. Teenage boys aren't always the most communicative about their emotions but try talking to him about it all when things are relatively calm. Also try and talk calmly about it to your husband. The most important thing is that your step son doesn't think that there's going to be any more disruption to his life and relationships. He needs to see you react calmly and with love towards him. PS Don't expect him to think of you as his mother. Good luck, it's early days you just need to grit your teeth and smile for a while.
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