Posted by
anon_anon
16 yrs ago
My friends daughter (4 yo) exhibits some violent behavior at times. She has threatened her school mates, told the maid to leave because she doesn't want her, and cries until the parents give in to her demands.
The teachers have complained to the parents that their daughter is very naughty, always disobeying instructions and fighting with and bullying other students.
When the parents are there in school to observe, she behaves herself. So the parents have not seen her verbally scolding people (maid and school bus helper) to leave, telling them she doesn't want or need them.
My friend will be taking her daughter to counselling. Is there anything that will help the kid and the parents in dealing with her?
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I'm no expert, but kids don't become violent in a vacuum. The key here is "cries until the parents give in to her demands." If a child does not have rules, boundaries and limitations, she will act out. Her parents are probably not seeing the behavior because they give in. They must learn to say no. The parents must be stern with any form of tantrum and violent behavior. If she has a tantrum and then gets what she wants, in essence she is learning that her behavior is a good way of getting what she wants.
Their helper must also be allowed to say no, and the parents must back up the helper. All caregivers need to be consistent and should discuss strategy so that they are. If there is no consistency, the child will learn who to go to in order to get her way.
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I have told her that she can't give in to her every whim and that she needs to be stern. The housing system in Hong Kong doesn't help with people thinking that the child is being disciplined when she cries. Police have visited my friends house because the neighbors reported that a child had been crying endlessly for an hour.
She is at her wits end and she doesn't know what to do. It seems too late to unspoil a spoilt child. She is very stressed.
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It is not too late at all. Too late would be when she is a teenager, perhaps. Plenty of time to steer the child in the right direction. The later she starts the more work it will be though.
At this age, results can be quite fast, within a week or two. But they'll be pretty wild weeks.
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axptguy38 is right. those weeks in trying to train her back to being a normal girl is gonna be really tough. your friend will need to work really hard to keep her guard up and NEVER give in to her, not even once. Once your friend gives in just one time, then she'll be back at square one and have to go through the whole ordeal over again. kids will test and test and test until they are sure what they're doing is not ok with mommy and daddy.
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