3 years old, terrible tantrums

I have a 3 years old daugther and in the last 3 months it's been kind of difficult to handle, throwing tantrums every now and then and for nothing ,,,, she gets so upset and with so much anger that it's hard to calm her down. We've been trying to talk to her, nothing, ignore her, nothing , just crying and not paying attention to anything else. Might be jealousy (of a 1year old brother) or might be the age,,,,Any advice /suggestion/help??? Thanks.

First of all, most 3 year olds (and 2 year olds) throw terrible tantrums. Some do it more than others. Our #1 was terrible for months around 2½ years. Our #2 has been much calmer. Know that this is normal.


beancurd has some good points. She needs to feel as if she is not being displaced. Also tantrums are never for nothing. It's just that we can't figure out the reason, and probably neither can she.


A few points:

- All caregivers including helper and grandparents need to be consistent. Talk about what you must do.

- Give praise for good behavior, especially around little brother.

- Maybe a bit late for this one, but give her a doll so she also has a "baby" to "take care of".

- Give her stuff to do, such as "helping" set the table or carrying stuff. Praise her if she helps, but don't scold her if she chooses not to. She needs to feel involved.

- Make sure your daily routine is pretty unchanging. Small children can become insecure if they don't know what's next.

- When she needs to stop playing and come along, give her a 5 minute warning. Same reason as above.

- Make sure she does at least one physically strenuous thing a day. Playground, beach, whatever. She needs to "release energy".

- Make sure she gets enough sleep and downtime. Limit playdates and other activities if needed. Kids need to have quiet time.

- Limit TV and make sure she only watches age appropriate stuff.

- Try to make some time every day or two when you're only with her, even if it is just five minutes.


As for the tantrums themselves, ensure she NEVER gets what she wants when she has a tantrum. Ignore it. If she becomes violent, put her on the floor and let her cry it out. Give her time to "regain face". She doesn't like to have a tantrum any more than you like her having one, but she has not yet learned to control her emotions. When it is over, don't dwell on it. Just move on. If it is in a public place, go outside and wait with her.


Finally: Take comfort in the fact that this too shall pass.

Yes, totally normal.


One thing that works splendidly for both of ours [our 3y6m daughter's tantrums are rare by now, but still happen especially when she's tired] is this: when tantrum arrives, we calmly pick up the child and carry them to their room. We set them down on the floor and say "This is the crying room. Come on out when you're finished crying," then leave, leaving the door open. When they come out, we welcome them back and make sure to encourage them to join in whatever fun we're having. Occasionally one of them will try to slip out before they are done crying [esp. our 21 mo son], but we just calmly repeat the process.


Actually, both of ours now like to run into the crying room now at those times when their emotions are just getting out of hand.