Posted by
Slammy
16 yrs ago
Hi,
We hired a fantastic helper from May 1st. On May 20, we went on holiday until June 3rd; now we're back.
Our 21-month-old daughter is happy to play with the helper and have our helper take her downstairs to play. But she doesn't like to be left alone with the helper - ie. when she wakes from a nap, she cries if it's only the helper there. Or if my mum goes down to her own flat and leaves the two together.
Do you think we should limit the time the two are alone together, until our daughter is used to the helper? I don't want to make our daughter traumatised against the helper by thinking we're abandoning her. Or do you think we should continue as normal - normal being that every now and then each day, the two will be alone together and my daughter will just have to get used to it.
And how long does it take for toddlers to grow to like new helpers?
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Hi Slammy. I think it is best that you start telling your toddler that your helper is going to be with her most of the time. Asure your toddler that even if you're leaving her to your helper, she will be fine :) Help your helper out by telling her how to treat your daughter, i.e. games she loves to play, her favourite toys. Tell stories to your toddler relevant to your situation to make her understand better.
Also, it's better you leave the house that your daughter knows rather than her waking up only the helper. When you leave the house, show her how happy your are to leave her with the helper. Tell her, things like: Mommy will go to work, stay with Auntie, or helper's name and be good.. And appear to be as happy as you can. If you do this everyday, your daughter will think that it is ok to be home with the helper though you're not around because mommy's happy to leave me with her :)
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Hi,
Thanks for your suggestions - yes, it's not fair to sneak away when the baby is sleeping and have her wake up to find we're not there! It usually happens because we think that she's sleeping, so we have a chance to do things before she wakes up!
The painting is a great idea! The baking is also a great idea but our kitchen is tiny and there's no bench space. Otherwise, baking together would be great fun.
Thanks for the painting suggestion - I might try that when I get home. My daughter loves messing around with paints and if she associates that with the helper, they'll have great fun together.
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I say avoid having helpers do the childcare at all. Too many horror stories and they spoil the children most of the time. OR
Do not leave your child with the helper until you have seen hwo she interacts with your child and trust them completely.
HOw do you know they will not harm your child? HOw do you know they will know what to do in an emergency situation? How can you be sure they will be interactive and play with your child? How do you know they will be able to discipline your child and create the kind of environment that nurtures and provides stimulation for your child?
Clearly I am not a fan of the AMah. I have seen negatives from what they do to chidlren I work for all the way up to the effects they had on the raising of adult friends of mine.
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OAshanghai, you are way too paranoid.
Yes, there are horror stories, but typically bad things occur because the parents are not paying attention and just drop the helper and child in the deep end. By communicating with the helper and building trust gradually one can have a wonderful experience.
"HOw do you know they will not harm your child?"
It is a rare person who will purposefully harm a child.
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Z
16 yrs ago
@ OAshanghai:
Do you think that people are more emotionally scarred from their parents or from their helpers? Of the people that I know who grew up with helpers/nannies/amah, they pretty universally credit the helper with also helping to shield them from their parents' craziness at times. And I also think it is fairly universal to think [especially as parents] that our own parents made some serious errors in judgment during our own childhoods. Even among people like myself who "turned out okay."
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