Disciplining a toddler

Our daughter in not quite 2. Recently she has started hitting and grabbing things off other kids in nursery. I'm not quite sure how to discipline her


At home, we tell her to stop something and if she ignores us, we put her in her cot - that sometimes works, although sometimes she laughs and finds it funny/ isn't bothered by being left there


outside it's another story... she's too young to be kept in a "naughty place" and trying to hold her for "time out" just results in tantrums


all suggestions very gratefully received


thank you

- First step is to tell her to stop.

- If she doesn't, ignore her completely.

- If it gets really bad, time out.


"trying to hold her for "time out" just results in tantrums "


This should definitely not stop you from administering a time out. If you don't do it because she will have a tantrum, she "wins". Yes, this may result in quite a few tantrums for a while but believe me, it's better than the alternative.


BTW it may be time to move her to a real bed.



I'll copy from another post because I believe it applies:


First of all, most 3 year olds (and 2 year olds) throw terrible tantrums. Some do it more than others. Our #1 was terrible for months around 2½ years. Our #2 has been much calmer. Know that this is normal.


Tantrums are never for nothing. It's just that we can't figure out the reason, and probably neither can she.


A few points:

- All caregivers including helper and grandparents need to be consistent. Talk about what you must do.

- Give praise for good behavior, especially around little brother.

- Maybe a bit late for this one, but give her a doll so she also has a "baby" to "take care of".

- Give her stuff to do, such as "helping" set the table or carrying stuff. Praise her if she helps, but don't scold her if she chooses not to. She needs to feel involved.

- Make sure your daily routine is pretty unchanging. Small children can become insecure if they don't know what's next.

- When she needs to stop playing and come along, give her a 5 minute warning. Same reason as above.

- Make sure she does at least one physically strenuous thing a day. Playground, beach, whatever. She needs to "release energy".

- Make sure she gets enough sleep and downtime. Limit playdates and other activities if needed. Kids need to have quiet time.

- Limit TV and make sure she only watches age appropriate stuff.

- Try to make some time every day or two when you're only with her, even if it is just five minutes.


As for the tantrums themselves, ensure she NEVER gets what she wants when she has a tantrum. Ignore it. If she becomes violent, put her on the floor and let her cry it out. Give her time to "regain face". She doesn't like to have a tantrum any more than you like her having one, but she has not yet learned to control her emotions. When it is over, don't dwell on it. Just move on. If it is in a public place, go outside and wait with her.


Finally: Take comfort in the fact that this too shall pass.

Axpatguy's advice is spot on as usual, but there is one more thing that I'll add: it's frustrating to not be able to communicate what is in your head.


What I have found with my son [just a bit older than yours - he is now 21 mo] is that the frequency of his tantrums correlate inversely with his language ability. He started having monstrous ones from about the time he turned 1, at their worst probably 10 per day, but they have been declining in frequency as he is learning to talk.


This was also true with my eldest -- she had very few tantrums, mostly between 18mo and 2 years, but that was because we could often head them off by asking her to "use your words" and taking deep slow breaths.


Try to make sure to make special time to be very verbal with her at least 10-15 mins at least a couple of times per day when she is not having a tantrum. Tell her it is special time just for the two of you. One of the hardest things for kids when they get into a major tantrum phase is that they don't feel as lovable, and this can set up a pretty nasty cycle.

Z is absolutely right. If kids could communicate perfectly once they become old enough to want some degree of control over stuff, the number of tantrums would decrease dramatically.

"Our daughter in not quite 2. Recently she has started hitting and grabbing things off other kids in nursery. I'm not quite sure how to discipline her"


If this is the problem you need to look at possible reasons for your baby hitting. Toddlers hit out of frustration. Is the childcare providing enough toys - toddlers aged 2 can not be expected to share. Play games of 'gentle' with the dollies and teddies. DO a little role play demosntrating the desired behaviour.

Your toddler may be tired when the hitting happens and too tired to communicate 'with words'. Ensure she is not too stressed.


BEst of luck.