Posted by
worried
15 yrs ago
My daughter has just started a secondary school. She has been coming home rather sad telling me about different cases of being excluded by a group of girls. Usually, one girl starts it up, and as she has moved to this school together with other 3 of her friends, they all join in. They don't stop here, but tell other girls to ignore her, not to pair up with her during group work, etc. The girl also throws various unpleasant comments and when my daughter stands up for herself, the other girls from the gang attack her too. Remaining girls just don't have the guts to interfere and stay away from it.
I am very sad and worried. It's just the beginning of the secondary school, my daughter is a very pleasant and good-natured girl who has never been in this sort of situation before. I read that one type of bullying is exclusion, and this is what seems to be happening. I am not sure how the school would help if I approach them. I mean, how can they help?? Talk to the girls? It will only make them angrier and more malicious.
At the moment I feel so helpless, that I am basically nervous every time she comes from school and I ask her how her day was. I am just scared I'd hear another story and be deeply hurt. Of course, I do not show it to her, I tell her that difficult situations will help her become stronger and learn how to solve them and be ready for the real life. I encourage her and support her to develop her confidence as much as i can. But this cannot last forever. Please share if you have been in a similar situation.
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I would say she needs to ignore them. If she stops responding they will eventually lose interest and move on. This may unfortunately take a while. If she keeps responding she is only feeding the process. Nothing makes a bully happier than a reaction.
As you say I would avoid speaking to the teachers at least for now. If they intervene the bullies will really know they are getting to your daughter and it will likely become even worse.
It's one of those life lessons. Some people are asses. They will never be nice people so there's really no point in trying. If they exclude her screw them. Tell her to find other friends and that she shouldn't care what those girls think. She'll be the stronger for it.
Of course, if the bullying becomes physical or something talk to the school. But for now "sticks and stones may break her bones, but words can't hurt her."
I know this is a hard time for her. Make sure she knows you love her and that the important thing is being a nice person who is happy with who she is. Her purpose in life is not to fit in with the cliques and she shouldn't want to be like them.
My wife and I were both "odd ones" in school who were teased and bullied. In a high school movie we would have been the weirdos that nobody talks to but didn't care about it. We both survived school and are now rather pleased with the fact that most of the bullies never made it to university and never made anything out of themselves. Kind of like Biff in Back to the Future.
Ok I digress but my point is that hard as it will be for your daughter to understand now, there is a life after school. School can be hell but at least it is time limited.
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maz27
15 yrs ago
My daughter also experienced some bullying although not quite to such a degree but it was very upsetting and I promised I would not intervene by mentioning it to the teachers until I felt it got out of control. I told her to ignore these girls - particularly the ringleader and to walk away. I am happy to say it worked and she no longer has any problems. I hope this works for your daughter too.
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Thank you for your support. I am just shocked that she, who has never had any problems in primary, suddenly got in trouble. She did try to make friends with other girls, but it just appears that they all came to this sec school "in pairs" from other schools. I cannot believe such bad luck.
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"I would say she needs to ignore them. If she stops responding they will eventually lose interest and move on. This may unfortunately take a while."
Oh yes. The "a while" can for last for example 5 years. Would you tolerate this at your job if you were the subject?
I mean you are alrerady a big boy and you can stand a little bit of teasing...
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Hi worried,
We are in the process of relocating. As I was perusing the school handbook for my children's new school there were clear anti-bullying guidelines that outlined reporting procedures as well as consequences. At the school my daughter currently attends in Hong Kong there have already been parent meetings with guest lecturers on the subject.
As there have been several tragedies receiving tremendous media attention in the US where bullied kids took their lives I have a heightened sensitivity. I too was bullied and my parents had a "sticks and stones" attitude. I think that is rubbish to expect your child to put up with behavior that an adult in a work setting would never tolerate.
I would see what the school guidelines are, if any. Perhaps talk with the teacher off-line and see if he/she could be more vigilant. Sometimes bullying doesn't just go away. Think of the distraction this must be to your daughter, and the stress. I don't envy you, this is a difficult issue to navigate.
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F100
15 yrs ago
Dear Worried,
I agree with clairecomm.
There should be ZERO tolerance for bullying.
Kids are really smart. If you talk to the school, the kids could still bully your daughter to ostracizing her.
If your daughter still seems depressed, I would consider changing schools.
I know that there might be others who would disagree with me, but I have had friends who did this and in the end were so glad that they did.
worried, i feel for you.
please let your daughter know that the bullies are usually people with their own problems such as self esteem problems, they are ignored at home, low self confidence...etc.
taylor swift was also bullied, she's written as long about it.
best of luck with everything.
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F100
15 yrs ago
oops,
it should read:
taylor swift was also bullied, she's written as song about it.
don't know if your daughter is a taylor swift fan..
if so, she's is coming to HK soon.
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F100
15 yrs ago
Dear Worried,
for your daughter - Mean by Taylor Swift.
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"There should be ZERO tolerance for bullying"
yes let's do that. coz it's really great for them to grow up like this and then learn on their first day at work or anywhere else outside of school that some form of bullying, preferential treatment is standard.
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I would encourage the kid to keep going and tell her that she WILL eventually find a good friend within the class or request the school to change her section. You as a family must offer a lot of personal time and ENCOURAGEMENT at home. I have recently heard of 2 cases of Expat kids in 2 separate schools get bullied with the silent trreatment and then DARED to go and shoplift to become a part of an inner circle. In one case the parents eventually took the kid out of school and sent him to a boarding school overseas and the other involved counselling by the parents, and the girl has settled in well. Sadly kids can be v v cruel and it is very hard to be able to monitor what goes on in school all the time for parents and teachers. Good luck and hope your daughter comes out of this soon. Nothing worse than having an unhappy kid at school.
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What schools are we talking about here?
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She is with an ESF school. I'd rather not mention which one, for obvious reasons.
I know that there is no "prescribed" solution to solve the situation. Nevertheless, I really find all the comments very useful. It allows me to explore different perspectives. Thank you all for your input!
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F100
15 yrs ago
Dear worried,
Also, if your daughter is on facebook, try to take a look at it.
The problem is that sometimes parents are the last to know how bad a situation is.
You might get an idea from her facebook page.
Nowadays, cyberbullying is a big thing as well.
Kids can be so mean.
There is a movie about bullying called Mean Girls.
Perhaps, she can join some clubs in the school.
It might help her make new friends.
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Hi Philly Cheese, I was referrring to 2 separatre ESF schools on on the island and one in Kiowloon. One incident is 3 yrs old and the other one a few months old.
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F100
15 yrs ago
Dear cookie,
Notice that I wrote that "there SHOULD be zero tolerance for bullying".
That's the ideal.
These bullies in school become bullies in the workplace.
As adults, if we don't try to stop it when they are kids, the bullies think that this kind of behavior is ok, hence, no consequences for their bad behavior, so they keep on bullying.
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Hi blueyeboy, you mentioned ESF and that made me even more stressed. Can you, or perhaps anyone, share how at these schools bullying is being dealt with? Can you send me a PM with details of the schools? At the moment I am still not sure whether I should contact the school and let them know about my concerns. I don't want to make everything even worse. I did my research and it appears that often the school would be dealing with the cases of bullying very superficially.
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Tune
15 yrs ago
It‘s part of growing up I'm afraid. Exclusion, as it is fashionably called, happens in all levels from cradle to grave.
On the other hand, as a parent you should be supportive yet not intrusive. Calling up and making a fuss could lead to further problems as after all teenagers are highly capricious- a solution by you today may turn into resentment towards you tomorrow. Listening is the key.
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It seems ESF has received a lot of bad press lately, from its senior management's censor clause, to its fees increase, and now bullying. I am sure bullying goes on in every school but as long as the school recognises this, puts into place programs that highlight the issue and teaches kids that it is not cool then I think parents have more comfort. I have two kids in intl schools and they have anti-bullying presentations to students at the beginning of each year, encourage parental involvement, include more senior kids to read to younger ones and other programs which encourage respect for one another. I know it is diff to change schools, but you may want to consider that course of action.
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"It seems ESF has received a lot of bad press lately, from its senior management's censor clause, to its fees increase, and now bullying."
- Censor Clause - misinterpreted by the press.
- Fees increase - Not huge and ESF is still way cheaper than most "International" schools
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Worried, I did not intend to alarm or generalise but here is how I view it.
ESF provides an education for many thousands of kids over HK. If there are a few hundered cases of bullying it is expected that some of those will go undetected. Its a case of providing a complete support between the school and home. I also heard of rampant bullying in the Aussie school and as a fact one parent pulled out their kid from there due to a passive attitude from the school and put their kid in an ESF stream. The kid is extremely happy and performing very well.. SO don't think its just an ESF thing. I am not saying that you ignore it but there are many options available to deal with it. DO you have just the one kid in that school. Are you a full time mum??? Does the hubby travel a lot. Sorry for asking but I saw many such questions had relevance when discussing similar problems with other families.
We personally know nearly 60-70 kids that go to the ESF schools amongst friends. Of them only one reported this form of bullying which was eventually nipped in the bud by the parents getting more involved.
Sure send a PM with more precise info if needed and happy to share what ever we can to help you. Just do not loose hope. While our kid is in Primary he dreaded one kid in the school who was known to be a bit physical. We politetly discussed the issue with the Principal and requested they be put in separate classes. The school obliged immediately and our kid looks fwd to his school EVERYDAY.
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Worried. My sister was bulled for a short while and ended up punching the other girl really hard - one of the benefits of having an older brother. Never any more trouble from the girl and no trouble from the school.
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Violence is not a good idea, if nothing else because most schools have zero tolerance for violence. It can easily lead to expulsion.
The other problem with violence is that it can escalate. What if the bullies don't back down?
As per the OP, there is no violence in this case. Only exclusion and taunts. It is psychologically painful but that's it. If those kids want to exclude her, let them do so. They're not the people she should want to hang with anyway. Ensuring your child is strong in the face of difficult situations is part of parenting. My wife says she was teased through most of school but she just didn't care. She was confident in herself and the opinions of a few idiots didn't matter to her. That is what children need to learn. If they let their happiness become dependent on what others think of them, how will they become when they grow up?
"Sticks and stones will break my bones but words can't hurt me."
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lalib
15 yrs ago
I have not read all of the posts.
In the 80's and 90's I was in an ESF secondary school on HK Island. In my opinion bullies don't back down. Bullying is the highlight of their day.
I have seen many students bullied (not me) and they all learn how to deal with it. But there was one classmate and friend of mine who also became the victim (bullies turned against him) he couldn't handle it. I remember how distraught our form tutor was and how he wished he could have intervened had he known earlier. He basically stopped coming to school.
Kids are very nasty when they are in forms 1-4 Classes 7-10
When it came to GCSE's and A-levels we were all so mellowed and good to each other.
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axptguy38. Well if they don't back down and there is violence, the school has to get involved. If she just turns the other cheek, they'll take it as a sign of weakness.
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So what? The whole point is not to care. If the bullies think the kid is weak, that's their problem. All they're doing is exclusion and nasty comments. No violence, no pranks. It is stressful but there are plenty of such situations in life.
Retaliating with violence can so easily backfire. What if the bullies become violent?
Yes, the school has to get involved. But the school will blame the one who threw the first punch. If they have any brains the bullies will just walk away and then gloat when she gets blamed. Then they will have more ammo for their teasing. Hardly an optimal solution.
Involve the teachers, sure. But never encourage a kid to hit. That may have worked 30 years ago but schools are different places now, with far less tolerance for that kind of thing.
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Schools may not be the same but human nature hasn't changed. If you fight back, you usually get less trouble. How is the school going to find out who threw the first punch?
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Anyway, I have encouraged my own daughter to hit when she was geeting a bit of trouble. She didn't; she sorted it out by making alliances with other kids. However, it was my advice and I stand by it. And for the record; I'm not a thug and I haven't had a fight since school.
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There is no room for bullying in schools or anywhere else. If you let it go it becomes an approval for the bully. The consequences of leaving it unchecked can be very damaging on both parties. The school SHOULD have very clear policies with regard to bullying and an appropriate method of conciliation. If it doesn't, it is not taking it's duty of care very seriously and all kids are being sold short.
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Tune
14 yrs ago
"The school SHOULD have very clear policies"-
This goes without saying. The reality: policies are one thing, for various reasons implementing them is an almost impossible task. As some of those in the know have quite rightly stated, a whole school approach is needed- anti bullying talks, parental involvement etc, such as in the ESF schools. Yet, as stressful as it may seem for Worried, this is a relatively minor case in comparison to other more sinister forms of bullying and merely part of growing up. We must learn to stop sugar coating the trials of life.
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F100
14 yrs ago
As a parent, if my child was bullying someone else, I WOULD definitely like to know.
As parents we should be informed of what is happening at school especially if our children are behaving badly.
It seems like a lot of people are expecting the school to do something about it.
I think it is the School's responsibility to inform the parents of a child's bad behavior.
We as parents, have to step up to our responsibilities.
Good values, manners, respect for others, etc. should be learned at home.
As I mentioned, if my child was bullying someone else there will be severe consequences.
I want to raise my kids to be good citizens of the world.
At West Point Military Academy their motto is:
Duty, Honor, Country;
" A cadet will not lie, cheat or steal, or tolerate those who do."
People who say, oh well, you're not going to stop bullying - that's life! - they are taking the easy way out. It takes courage and effort to step up to the plate.
Even if one less kid is bullied because someone took action, that's a good starting point for me.
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I sure wished there was all this attention on bullying when I was in school. There were a couple of bullies in my school until puberty hit and they were no longer the biggest and baddest. It was nice to see one get beat up for his troubles and we never had issues with him again. I guess it is different for boys than it is for girls. If a boy was excluded from a group I think it's not such a big deal as it would be for a girl who are more sensitive to communal inclusion.
That said, although I don't like violence, I believe a good dust up (even if you're on the losing end) usually ends it. Standing up to bullies usually deters them to pick on someone weaker. I know that doesn't solve the problem, just pushes it elsewhere. Hence I think parental and school admin involvement is the only way to get rid of the problem.
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A friend just shared this link with me so I thought I would pass it along,
https://youtu.be/KnYa9R4N-8c?si=Ct3RJkwRGBfOU73F
In the US recently the focus has been on gay teens because of a number of suicides and the fact that many have experienced violence or the threat of violence.
Anyway, whether or not you are gay, the video is beautifully done. The message, and one I hope 'worried' shares with her daughter is that it does get better.
As adults we can banter about whether or not exclusion or verbal taunts are significant because we have decades of experience to place them in context. But for a teen, their social landscape often gets very complicated very fast. And it is their life, their event horizon is very close, they simply lack the perspective we have.
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Tune
14 yrs ago
"But once you tell there parents, and parents put the fear of god into them, they behave." Are you stating that all teenagers respond to this?
"Sorry to say this, but children copy their parents." Your evidence for this claim?
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Philly Cheese. Funny you mention the puberty case. When I was at school, there was a kid called Egbert who was a bully in the first year of secondary school. He hit big trouble about 2-3 years later when everyone else grew and developed muscles - and he didn't. He spent the rest of his school days as a figure of fun who was casually tripped up and duffed in by other kids. So you can visualise the situation, it was a bit like Woody Allen having to go to school with a group of Jamaican yardies - well maybe not that bad. As regards just leaving it to the school, the problem this causes is they often don't have the clout and it takes time. Now a year or a term may not be a long time for an adult, but for a child it's an eternity.
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Tune. Children never copy their parents. They copy their peers and tend to rebel against their parents - and therefore make the same mistakes as their grandparents. I, for one, am turning into my right-wing grandfather partly as a rebellion against my left-wing father - who becamse left-wing because of his right-wing dad. My daughter is now developing woolly liberal tendancies. Plus ca change.
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Tune
14 yrs ago
Ha! Likewise, my father married three times- I refuse to replicate this habit.
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I have a child in an ESF school. He was bullied sometime ago by a senior boy. I sent an email to the school, told them of what had happened and asked if the teachers could speak to the boy and explain that what he had done to my child was not acceptable. The teachers handled it very well. They took prompt action. They even got the two kids together so that one could offer an apology and the other could graciously forgive and they could be friends again. I am not aware that ESF has a documented policy dealing with bullying at schools (correct me if I'm wrong). However, I do believe that their teachers are capable of dealing with such matters and, as a parent, if you are firm and make clear that you want this matter tackled by the teachers, they should be able to deal with it well. To worried, I'm sorry that your daughter has been caught in this unfortunate situation. Having been there, I know how stressful it is not only for the child but also for the parents. I would definitely do something if my child comes to me for help. I wouldn't go to my child's school or approach the bully myself to demand justice. I would think that an email, note or letter to the school, perhaps to the principal, or PTA seeking help would suffice. In my case, I could see the difference in my child - he came home with a big smile (instead of being in tears).
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Tune
14 yrs ago
"I would definitely do something if my child comes to me for help." I think we can all agree on this good point.
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Interesting discussion. I'm learning a lot. I guess I have been pessimistic about the power that teachers and administrators may have. Thanks for valuable insight. I am happy that school staff can help.
isonoawabi, there is in fact an explicit policy, at least at Bradbury. Here is the relevant passage from the Bradbury School Parent Handbook. I'm guessing other ESF schools have similar verbiage.
"Student Code of Conduct
Bradbury School believes that all individuals have the right feel safe and be valued and treated with respect. Our goal is mutual respect demonstrated by following universally accepted ways of acting and caring for each other. The following rules are a guide to understanding what our community expects.
All individuals and property are valued and respected.
Guidelines
• treat others as you want to be treated
• staff instructions must be followed
• replacement staff expect the same courtesies and work output as regular teachers
• inappropriate physical contact at school or school functions (e.g. socials) is not acceptable
• bullying, harassment and rudeness will not be tolerated either face to face or with the use of technology including mobiles, cameras and computers
• the School environment must be looked after by putting rubbish in bins, not eating food inside, keeping the area around lockers tidy and looking after rooms and furniture
Bullying & harassment
• all individuals are valued and treated with respect
• harassment is a one off event that causes hurt or harm to another
• bullying involves targeted and ongoing harassment intended to cause hurt or harm to another. Because of the ongoing nature of bullying it is considered to be very serious
Bullying & harassment can involve:
• teasing
• insulting size, intelligence, athletic ability, gender, race, colour, religion, ethnicity etc
• exclusion from a group with intent to cause sadness
• verbal abuse
• threatening physical harm
• defacing or destroying school work or other personal property
• threats or harassment by gesture, phone, note, text message or Internet (posting messages, emails, instant messaging, MySpace, Facebook etc)
• taking photos without permission
• physical harm
Consequences
• all bullying will result in counselling/conciliation and parental contact
• repeated bullying will result in suspension/expulsion"
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as a teacher I can state that kids are frequently cruel to each other they are immature and have not yet learned the refinements of life as it is lived outside the jungle- i am for the multipronged approach depending on the factores and personalities involved (there are some awfully bratty kids in HK overprivileged ,too much pocket money and some rather uncivilised habits )contacting the bullying kid's parents as well ... the school imput can work but also reassuring the victim that help will happen ; that toughening up and fighting one's own battles is part of life.In extreme cases i would also advocate moving schools.
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Tune
14 yrs ago
Being a trained teacher myself [Starries], I find your writing- thus your point, somewhat hard to follow.
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Tune, if all you are worried about in starries' post is finding the point hard to follow (in which I agree with you) you must be from this new school of "don't worry about capitals or spelling or punctuation"! :-)
I can only assume that starries is a chemistry or physics teacher used to equations and symbols rather than prose! Or perhaps a PE teacher.
To worried, my two penny worth, you should definitely speak to the school without delay. The quicker this is nipped in the bud the better.
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Yes this sort of behaviour is bullying.
The school should have a policy for dealing with bullying and at least should be aware of what your daughter is going through.
I disagree you should 'ignore' 'put up with' or that you should be made to feel guilty for reacting.
This should be nipped in the bud, early on in the academic year.
The children are cowards who behave like this and the teachers should deal with this or propose to you how it should be dealt with.
I agree with posters, there should be ZERO tolerance for bullying, whether school bus issues (I, as a parent have had to liaise with headmaster/bus mum about this and I can tell you it is very effective)
If your daughter is only just in secondary school she must be, what 11/12y old? I would certainly step in to help her deal with it, or else she will stop telling you whats happening if you do nothing for her.
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Tune
14 yrs ago
Spurtio- On the contrary, I lose sleep over such matters. On the other hand your point about his/her speciality is highly valid, I remain contrite.
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Agree with Tune. A fact of life. My daughter was in exactly the same situation a few years ago in an exactly the same setting. We spent many an evening discussing the fine points of interpersonal relations, among them the fact that you will never be liked by everyone even if you consider yourself totally likeable and that people have the right to chose their circle of friends (and that may not include you). She has learned how to handle such treatment, which I think is a very valuable skill that will serve her well throughout life. Now, she is very popular in her circle of friends.
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chenchen21621, nice try with the advertising. Pity I recognized my own quote eh...
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My daughter studied in a English /Cantonese Medium Chinese Secondary School in Stubbs Rd. One time, during the integrated Learning Week/BBQ, she refuses to attend.. I sort of sense something was wrong. I kept asking her and she made me promise not to tell anyone, the teacher or else she will never tell me her problems.. 4 girls have been demanding iphones/ipod from her.. Then the nasty calls arrive, leaving nasty messages.. I told the maid to tell the girls my mobile number and I will deal with them.. They called me 10 times in 5 mins, saying foul languages and they called home and say foul languages to my eldest son... One of the messages they left in my daughter's mobile is She will ask her BF to f"" my daughter, that girl is only 13 years old.... I really wanted to report the police but my husband, a church goer said give these girls a chance.. so which I did.. Then this monday, the teacher, vice principal keep on pointing that maybe my girl said yes to them. Then yesterday, the disciplinary teacher told me the girls said my daugther gave them impression that she could provide. I told the Teacher that its not the point.. the point is why they have to demand knowing my daughter is already in hiding from them and in every 2 words they speak so foul and so dirty, they even threaten to kill and rape my daughter.. What did the teacher say.. oh its only kid's talk... I told him granting my daughter did agree, was she under threat when she said she will... the teacher said they cannot question them like me (I work in a law firm)...I said so many girls wear short skirts in the street, are you gonna tell me that they deserve to be raped... ??....I told the teacher my girl only carries 40.00 in her wallet everyday for food and transportation, what has she shown that she can afford them. My poor girl is too kind.. too kind.. Church goer, loves those who are poor.. Pls give me a advice how to change school....
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Tune
14 yrs ago
I would offer that- like most things in life, there is a fine line between what is and is not acceptable. In other words, bullying offers a spectrum of variables. From what sampaguita has said, this is far beyond anything acceptable. Surely a threat such as rape, and the school's weak stance, warrants a case for the authorities? Furthermore, you may choose to liaise with the EDB.
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I had enquire with the EDB. their feed back is email them the name of the school.. no calls no nothing.. not a call to show they are concerned..
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Tune
14 yrs ago
Yes, as like many other government departments.
You must construct a polite, succinct, point form letter that requires simple, written, yes and no answers. Remember, if you feel you are being fobbed off; make it clear that you intend to take it to the Ombudsman. Get the names of those in charge, send them letters and let them know your intentions- shake the tree. This is the only way to deal with these people. If this is not within your capabilities, you may consider changing schools.
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so this post makes the issues of the person starting this thread look minor.
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Make a noise, bring it up to the media (e.g South China Morning Post). As a parent we have to do whatever it takes to protect our children before its too late. So we could avoid terrible things from happening. For sure that the government will give priority on this matter.
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I am preparing my daughter to another school... any advice what reason I should give the prospective school why she is changing school?..
Thank you...
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Jams
12 yrs ago
Just recently, my child was a victim of bullying at a primary ESF school! My child's school bag was found in the boys toilet and was peed upon!!! I notified the class teacher through the handbook but the teacher wrote back saying that he had spoken to the students. Though some students had overheard one of the boys bragging about his feat, the teacher said that there were no witnesses... I would not like to take this lying down. where could I take this up further? Does the EDB have a say in this matter? Are there any definite guidelines or policies in place against bullying?
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Jams: IMHO, first call the Principal (or Head of School). The teacher's response (or lack thereof) was unacceptable. ESF may not be the priciest school system in HK, but they are still a private school. You still PAY a fair amount for your child to go there. They're not some deprived, dilapidated Council Estate School! They should have standards. From what other ESF parent/posters here have posted; it sounds like they do overall and or try to. You should be reimbursed for the cost of that backpack by the pee-er's parents or by the school.
As to bullying; if this was a one-off action, it may or may not have been directed at yours child, (Primary kids can be simply thoughtless. I would talk with your child to see if this was an isolated incident, a stupid prank done for the sake of the stupid prank; or a pattern of bullying. If it is a pattern of bullying, I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the Principal/HOS to discuss how to move forward to stop it. MUCH more do-able in a Primary school than Secondary.
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Worried: I'm seeing that you initially posted this 885 days, (quite awhile) ago. Has anything improved? Did you talk to the school?
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Most answers seen here are not correct in anyway and will have negative consequences in the future of this child. This is my suggestion...
1. Teach your child to make new friends, because bullies pick on those that seem more vulnerable, and if she is inside a group they will lose interest sooner than expected;
2. Teach your child about self-respect, and make sure that she can forget everything when she arrives home with activities that make her feel valuable, such as music, painting, or anything else that suits this purpose;
3. Allow your child to answer back, and don't tell her to shut up, as I saw in many comments here, because the most important thing here is how she feels about herself, not the bullies, and anger is always better than apathy;
4. Experience has shown me that these problems always start at home, and behind a bully there's always another one, much bigger. I almost broke the face of many rude moms protecting their extremely violent kids, and I ended up losing my job every time I got control over them, because of this psycho-moms.
This to say that you may never change this situation, unless you take her out of that school, and that's probably the best option. Unfortunately, we live in a very stupid world, and teaching her to accept it will never help her future in anyway. Took me 30 years of my life to learn this, mostly because of my parents. In the end, I just kept facing insane people everywhere I went, including China, until I finally realized that I couldn't change my nature, even if I did practice kickboxing for many years. Best wishes to your daughter!
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