Out Of Control at 2 1/2 years old. Help !!

How I remember this "wonderful" period with my #1... :(


- Explain that the other kids are older and that when he is that age he will also have those "privileges". Rights is not a good word for this as it implies getting something for nothing. Explain that they also have chores and behave well or the privileges go away.

- Explain that bad language will not be tolerated.

- Explain that he is acting badly and this makes you sad.

- Always give a final warning before a time out.

- Don't back down.

- Try to stay calm.

- Apologies are important. They give closure.

- Pick your battles. Don't be afraid of the tantrum, but try to be diplomatic first.

- Get this sorted now, as it will only get worse.

- Give him some power. For example the sweater choice is good. Kids at this age feel a bit powerless and want to exert control. However when it is not possible, say "next time", for example with the wee.

- Give him time to have his tantrum. He needs to vent.

- Don't dwell on a tantrum after it is over. Let it go.

- Make sure he gets good and tired every single day. Playing outside is best.

- Ensure everyone in the family is on the same page. Have regular talks about it and discuss what is going on. Otherwise he'll play you against each other.


Finally: This too shall pass!

i agree most with staying calm, and giving him time to tantrum.

just stand quiet and watch when he's having his tantrums and don't give any response. when he starts to mellow down, then it's the time to talk to him.

it has benefits that:


1. gives him the msg that mom and dad will not talk or interact when he's not behaving properly

2. gives him time to calm down

3. gives u time to gather ur thoughts and calm down urself


Also, when talking to him, get in close, down to his level and ensure eye contact. if he struggles or looks away, gently hold the side of his face and ask him to look at you, then talk.


and yes, as axptguy38 says, it will pass....there is a light at the end of the tunnel! :)

I'll reiterate to pick your battles. Our #2 is also 2 and very strong willed in this way. We focus on safety issues [no running out into the street, no hitting or biting], but if it doesn't matter to us, we let him choose as long as he is quick about it.


Something that works well for us with sweater issues [we are in BJ, current temps are near 0C] is to just take the sweater and then ask every 5 mins if they want to put it on. Generally my kids ask me for their jackets within the first 3 mins, but if we try to put them on in the house it is a huge battle [well, I don't want to wear a heavy jacket if it's 20C either...]


The one point that I don't agree with axpatguy on is about warnings before timeouts. As soon as the tantrum begins, I put the child in his room and tell him to come out when he's done. No count of three, no warnings whatsoever. I just say that we don't like that racket, but he is welcome to scream as long as he wants in his room. Our #1 only had about 3 tantrums all together, but she still runs into the kids' room sometimes when her emotions are getting the best of her. Our #2 is more intransigent, and sometimes I have to put him back in more than once, but as soon as he is ready to play nicely and make some sort of apology he can come back into the game. The key is to be utterly consistent and not allow yourself to show that you are worked up - calm, firm voice, pick him up so that he is facing away from me, put him back in, remind him that he can come out when he's done. Also, minimize what you say. After the first time, I just say "come out when you are done"


The other thing is to make sure to model apologizing behavior. Especially to them.

I'll chime in and agree with the other posts above on how to deal with the issue. Our #1 is now almost 4 and has always been a strong willed stubborn emotional one. He probably has no more tantrums than the average child but the theatrical depth and length of them far outlast most average children. All I can tell you is there is hope our #1 has improved, he's still not all there yet (theatrical input into tantrums is still pretty amazing), but the length tends to be a lot shorter these days and is far more ready to apologise than he used to be.


#2 is looking to be a far more amenable child thank goodness!

A couple ot extra thoughts occurred to me as well - for our #1 we know there are also a couple of trigger points when he is extra difficult and much more likely to behave unreasonably. These are tiredness and hunger, so we know for instance come the end of a busy week at school we are likely to have a meltdown shortly before dinner time if we don't head it off at the pass so to speak.


You may be able to link tantrums with your little one as well to certain issues which then make it a whole lot easier for you to deal with and possibly nip in the bud.