Sleepless nights

Our 2 year old has never been a great sleeper. At the moment, she resists going to bed (saying she doesn't like it/ doesn't like the shadows/ wants to sleep in our bed etc) and then wakes frequently in the night, crying for us.


On occasion we took her in with us, but have stopped this as it meant a totally sleepless night for us and more demands for the same the following nights. We go to her and calm her but we're in with her 4-5 times a night which is exhausting. She's not always awake, but we don't want to leave her to cry in case she is awake or wakes herself up.


We've tried explaining that she's safe etc but she's so young that she doesn't really understand or know what dreams are.


Any ideas? We're shattered so would be so grateful.

First of all, this too shall pass. So it is not forever. The little ones go through periods of this.


She will find any excuse to not go in her own bed. Normal. Always make sure she falls asleep in her own bed. If she comes to your bed, demand that she is still and quiet. Otherwise carry her back to her own. She will learn quickly not to make a fuss if she understands that this means not getting to sleep in your bed.


Darkness is scary. Natural human instinct. Some people have success with saying that "your teddy bear will watch over you". Others have a little ritual look in the closet and under the bed with their child before going to sleep. Both can work.


This too shall pass.

Yes, it will pass. My eldest was this way until about 2.5, but she has been a wonderful sleeper since then -- and it changed on a dime. One thing that we did was to make sure to give her lots of praise in the morning when she did make it all night long, and a special brekkie too. She is one of those kids who really took well to positive reinforcement instead of discipline, though.


Our son [now 2y4m], however, is another story. He was a good sleeper as a baby, but is now going through a phase of waking up several times a night [to use the toilet or have a drink or try to sneak into our bed or whatever]. He is currently most strongly bonded to me, and we find a definite correlation between waking up more often the next night if I am the one who gets up to put him back into his bed, and many fewer instances if it is his papa who gets up. Of course, when his papa gets up he is truly ticked off and might scream for a while, but we have a policy that if his screaming wakes up his sister then SHE gets to sleep in our bed and he has to sleep in his bed alone in his room.


One thing that does seem to help him is that he has a little froggie that plays lullabies [Baby Tad, was from Toys R Us in USA] that he can start on his own, and he sometimes will get back into bed and play a lullaby to help him fall asleep.


But it will pass. In the meantime, try 2 nights on, 2 nights off for each parent. If she is waking up frequently and you are taking turns per wake up, then nobody ever gets enough sleep, but knowing that you will have two good nights in a row soon can help you make it through the two bad ones. Also, wait until she wakes up to go in to comfort her. If she doesn't wake up, she isn't likely to remember the dream. We find that waiting until they come to us also helps us to be able to sleep deeply instead of being half-awake all night long.


When we were getting our daughter to learn to fall asleep by herself in her own bed [she was also already 2], we would make her get her pjs on, get cozy in her bed, turn the lights down low and read long stories in a rhythmic sing song voice until she fell asleep. She still doesn't like to hear Horton Hatches the Egg because it makes her sleepy...

Hi Kate,


Its really late so I'm not going to write a long reply. I just wanted you to know that your not lone. My little girl is just three years old and our sleepless mights started about three weeks ago. We are exhausted! To say the least, but we're surviving (just!). We have adopted the attitude of united we stand etc.... I'm not sure whose winning yet but I can live in hope that one day it might be us (the parents that is)....


I'll write more on our strategies tomorrow!

Thanks to all of you for your responses. It's good to know there's some light at the end of the tunnel. I've taken all of your suggestions on board and I'll keep trying!