Posted by
kyber
14 yrs ago
My 14 year old daughter has been bullied at school to such extent that she refuses to attend the school despite the school social worker being involved. THe final straw came when she went missing on her way to school a few days ago but happily she returned home. Should i make a compalaint to the police about the bullying (missing person report was made to the police but now case closed) since the school has not really tried to tackle this issue?
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RA
14 yrs ago
Bullying of any form should not be tolerated. What does the school principal or management say about this? Have you lodged an official complain with the Principal and the school board. What does the social worker say to all this? What school does she go to?
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Do not consider leaving the school, help your daughter confront the issue and get a positive experience out of it.
Get the school to provide reports on events that happened and actions taken, don't be affraid to be labeled.
Get sometime alone with your daughter's friends and their parents, to get a better understanding of what's happening and see together what you can do to help her overcome her fears now.
Try to get your girl to participate in some kind of contact sports , it will release her tensions and build up her confidence.
Keep a cool head. Explain to your child that you are resolved to put your nose in her business no matter what. Use this hurdle to make your relationship with your child ever stronger.
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My kids are learning judo. I want them to be able to defend themselves and yet be self-disciplined.
Some may say violence is not the answer, however me being Chinese and born and raised in the UK school bullies only understand one language. Action speaks louder than words!
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Assuming that your daughter attends a private schhol, if the families of the kids bullying your daughter are contributing to the school through greater donations than yourself, or multiple children attending, the school will always lean toward the party providing the most finances for the school and turn a blind eye to the bullying of your daughter. As unfortunate as this is, this is how it works in many schools.
Having said this, i'm sure that there are decent schools that educate children against this kind of behaviour. Perhaps this is an issue you can bring up with the next school, but in anycase, if the school is not doing anything about it, then find a school that will!
Agree with JYeung that actions speak louder than words, however this is an issue that your school should be addressing, and not your daughter.
By the way, you havent mentioned the kind of bullying that is taking place? In reality, bullying is a part of school life, whether we like it or not. If its minor verbal comments, then your daughter will just have to learn to deal with it. If its much worse (which i presume it is), then as i said, find a school that wont accept this kind of behaviour. There is no point to even consider writing complaint letters, involving police, if you are dealing with a school that does not have any code of ethics!
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There is supposed to be a zero policy in all schools towards bullying.
Perhaps naming and shaming the school would get you some reaction.
If the school is not dealing with the matter then go to the Education Bureau.
If she is being physically bullied / assaulted then go to the police - it is a criminal offence.
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Usually the person who bullies is having problems at home , may be parents divorcing etc. However this is not a reason for them to bully. I haven't had time to read all responses. But it is good your child has in some way, communicated this to you. So firstly give her the confidence that you are with her, running away is not the right way but you understand why she did it, and now support her by going with her to school to solve the issue, first e-mail the principal, class teacher and her friends who know about it. She does not leave the school, bcos there are bullies everywhere and she will come out stronger. All parents have gone through this, may be less or more. Take care, I will pray for a healthy outcome and God bless.
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Furthermore, i feel for the parents of children who are bullied at school. The school is embodied as the authority/guardian of your child during school times, yet they turn a blind eye on this? It really must be infuriating that it takes place during a time, when you can not be present to help them, and the authority that should, does nothing!
As i am hoping to become a parent in the near futrue, i take particular interest in this subject, and i look forward to hearing how you resolve it. It must be a terribly difficult parenting issue..
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I recently met with an old school friend and after a few drinks conversation lead to school days. We were good friends at primary school but drifted apart at secondary school, both having separate groups of friends.
Both of us were pretty popular at school and neither were “victims” in the traditional sense. What was amazing is when talking about school what a huge an effect bullying actually had. Both of us had been bullied to some extent by the local toughs and both of us still harbor exceptional ill will towards the bullies. Some 20 years after leaving school such minor incidences are still so fresh in my memory and I still wish I’d done something more proactive.
Neither my friend nor I were seriously bullied yet it had a profound effect on us. I think you need to help your daughter sort out her problems in the same school; running away from a problem won’t sort it!
The good thing about being twenty years down the road is you can see what happened to your arch enemies and rejoice in their failure. In our case one of the bullies was dead and two are in and out of prison.
Good luck sorting out your daughters issues, I’m a parent and it must be terrible to watch her suffer.
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Dont be like me... I advise you to just Report to the Police.. The Teachers, Principal and even their Parents wont thank you for giving these bullies a chance. They will even judge your daugther that a big part is her fault.
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talk to teachers, parents and support your child. they need to know it is not their fault.
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If she is seeing the social worker then, obviously, the school has already taken action. Bullying can have some serious impacts on children and no school has a magic wand to wave to solve the problem. The social worker will help your child develop some coping skills for what has already happened and some assertive skills to prevent bullying.
I find it amazing that the first thing people suggest is to go in and bully the people in the school!
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Not only they are bullied by their class or school mates but teachers are well.. Remember the kid who committed suicide and one reason is because he was scolded for not paying a fee.. My daugther suffered more harsh during the 2008 Global crisis... despite me trying to call the principal and un-returned calls, my daugther was refused to go up the bus in front of other students and parents because I could not afford the school fee at that time, I tried to call them.. imagine ah.. its a Catholic School.. who would think they could do that... and not only that, the students there will suffer a what English called a Rebuke ? and isolation from the school....
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Sampaguita, that is quite unbelievable! I guess the one thing you can take out of it is to realise that often religion has nothing to do with those that preach about it. Using religion as a means of earning more money and fooling people to believe that it represnts a higher level of moral is unfortunately too common these days.
And you raise a great point.. bullying is not limited to students, but can be found amongst teachers also.
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JYeung is right. If she is physically strong, I would suggest boxing classes. Social workers are often worse than useless.
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I saw a very good article on this matter and as a new parent of 2 boys, I plan to get them started ASAP.
http://www.teacher-world.com/teacher-blog/?p=1738
There are many places in HK practicing Jujitsu and as an fan a fighting...mainly boxing, I think this is the best practice to teach a young kid. I would put my money on this being worth it's weight and gold.
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Due to the fact I intend to take legal action against the school I can not name the school at this stage.
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I love it when everyone takes the first possible oppourtunity to bring race into the matter. JYeung violence is never the best way to teach kids to resolve things, and making everything about their race isn't either. People get bullied everywhere regardless if they are Chinese or not, I guaruntee it. You haven't seen how HKers treat Filipinos? All you are doing is teaching your kids to be bullies themselves, and to be racists.
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I don't like violence, but sadly, most bullies don't respond to anything but a greater show of force. Let's not forget the lessons of those who tried to resolve things with Hitler. Appeasement never works. Boxing or JuJitsu both are sound ideas.... not to become a bully oneself, but to defend oneself when called upon.
Court action is slow, expensive, likely to sour relations with the school, and not going to help the children on a daily basis in the schoolyard.
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FKKC
14 yrs ago
gaz_hayes
Aren't you contradicting yourself???
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kyber
14 yrs ago
Well it makes my blood boil that this school is advertising in the standard today for enrollment day this month when they have not sorted out the bullying problems. How can you enroll your children into a school that fails to protect them? As usual in HK its a money issue, they need to enroll as many pupils as they can to receive the subsidery from the goverment not withstanding their internal problems.
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Interesting that they advertise
"A disciplined and caring environment: strong pastoral care"
It doesn't sound like it, from what you say.
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Well we all know what strong pastoral care means...
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bmurv
14 yrs ago
Bullying is a very serious matter. Cyber bullying is equally as serious. Most schools are not equipped to deal with bullying. Chances are, bullies themselves were once being bullied by someone else and learnt this bullying way as a way to get what they want. Parents should be careful with the message they send to their kids at home especially during the formative years. Police should be involved until and unless the school has established their own process and procedures on how to deal with bullying. I can only hope that police is experienced enough to take this seriously. Whatever it takes to make the school deal with bullying if it occurs on school grounds is what each parent must do.
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kyber
14 yrs ago
The secretary of Education and the police are now involved in this matter.
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Hi, I was bullied at school, even got arm broken when I was eleven. Grew up in the inner city. I asked my Dad to teach me how to box, but he refused because he thought it get me into more trouble. Like your daughter I ditched so much school that I was held back two semesters. You are lucky you live in Hong Kong, since there is no gun violence here. I would agree with the earlier poster, enroll your kid in a martial arts discipline (Judo is execellent for self defence), if she is getting ganged up on than Kra Magav would be better (but there is not much philosphy or character building). I put my stepdaughter into Taekwando, three other girls tried it on with her and ended up wishing they didn't. Now she has made new friends, competes in tournaments and always come in the top three, but usually first. Taekwando is very mainstream and popular. I have always believed that girls espicially should know how to defend themselves physically (hate to be a gender relativist, but this is just a sad fact of life).
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Well done for getting the police and education department involved, you did the right thing, the school should be punished for not addressing the issue.
Good luck to you and your daughter. I hope things improve.
mark
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