Posted by
shotcaller
14 yrs ago
Had an embarrassing situation tonight, where a driver proceeded to tell me in the rearview mirror that i was "too many pounds". At first his Chinglish confused me, but it became much clearer when he proceeded to turn around, point at me while repeating it 3 more times. Ahh, he was calling me fat! And the next 10 mins he spent trying to guess how many pounds. Though this is not the first time i have been reminded that I am taller and bigger than the average Chinese woman (or man for that matter), it did become a scene as i happened to be in the taxi with a work colleague visiting from Singapore. Needless to say, she was mortified which in turn led me to feel slightly sorry for myself.
Though often i dont mind when the local drivers decide to show off their little English by talking about the weather, or how great such and such country is (i will say i am from US, Australia, Netherlands or Britain - depending on my mood that day) i do wish sometimes to be left alone. Unfortunately, mindlessly doodling nothing on your mob is not a big enough hint anymore.
Is there a polite (or even impolite) way to say to a taxi driver in Cantonese:
"You are the taxi driver. Please do not talk to me when you drive."
Thanks!
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The only thing some of the locals understand is a polite F**k off. That should do the trick.
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I cant believe you would not want to talk to friendly locals and try and exchange ideas and language! Maybe that's a cultural thing we're you're from, but i really enjoy my time in a taxi to discuss local issues and pick up some lingo. I completely understand where you're coming from about your sensitivity to the weight issue, but you are in another country where you deviate from the norm and it is considered very lucky and healthy to be a little pudgy. I would recommend some cultural training is in order..best way i know is taking taxis LOL!!
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The taxi driver was way out of line. I would not go as far as Brooklynexpat, but I certainly understand where he's coming from.
Even the most isolated, unworldly local knows that discussing someone's weight is a fairly taboo subject in many societies outside of HK/Chinese culture. The driver was being a jerk. Not a cultural issue.
Whenever someone else is behaving badly and there's a chance that there could be a "he said, she said" situation later on, I would discreetly use your phone to record the conversation starting at the point that you recognize there's a problem.
In this case, once I'd started recording, I would get him on record saying that I had "too many pounds" and then politely ask him to be quiet, if necessary using my finger and mouth to make the shushing sound/gesture.
There are things that you could say in Cantonese, to be sure, but I have a feeling that someone like the driver you had that day would simply pretend not to understand your Canto, even if it was perfect. That's a common trick in these parts, unfortunately.
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Lucas,
When I was working, my nickname was "fat man", and it was widely used amongst the Chinese staff, at all levels, even though I was in a very senior position and might have expected to be treated with respect.
There is absolutely no point trying to change Hong Kong culture. Hong Kong people see absolutely nothing wrong with pointing out that somebody is fat.
Do you know what your nickname is? Everybody has one amongst the Chinese, and many of them would be derogatory in Western cultures. But, guess what? Hong Kong is not Western.
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shotcaller, I think the locals in HK are just blunt. They don't mean to insult you but tend to speak without thinking how their words can affect others feelings. You can be blunt yourself and tell the taxi driver that what he just said is rude and can hurt a person's self-esteem. If you don't like talking to the drivers sometimes, just ignore them. Silence and short responses will send a message.
One time when my husband was having a haircut at a local salon, the stylist asked him whether I am 6 months pregnant. He said "no." The stylist further asked, "oh, she is more than 6 months?" My husband responded,"No, she is not pregnant!"
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woods99,
That sort of nickname is derogatory here too and your staff knew that it was derogatory and were using it as such. That they convinced you (or you convinced yourself) that it was neutral or even intended affectionately is sad.
Mean-spirited nicknames are a universal way for coworkers or underlings to take their colleagues and bosses down a few pegs. That's the same here as everywhere else.
Yes, one colleague may call another "fat man" to his or her face and the other person won't slap them silly over it. They'll have a negative nickname for the other guy too -- like "pizza face" or something alluding to the person's stupidity.
Locals also use a lot of colorful language (cursing) when speaking casually to each other in Canto. Yet they know to restrain themselves in that regard when speaking to non-locals in English. It used to be hard for locals to queue but they can mostly handle it now. Etc. etc. In other words, it is possible for HK people to control themselves and/or moderate their behavior, provided that they're willing to do so.
The "This is HK. It is normal for locals to X. Y is the Hong Kong way." is a dodge used by locals when they don't want to do something properly or have been caught out behaving rudely or offensively.
I've been here a long time (possibly as long as you) and my wife was born and bred here. Trust me.
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Interesting comments. Agree that locals can be blunt and seemingly rude, without realizing that they are and i dont hold this against them. Sometimes i can laugh it off, other times i feel like flipping them the bird. I can take ribbing about being fat, but its the staring and the hand gestures indicating my D cup breasts that sometimes do my head in (didnt happen in this taxi, but has happened on other occasions). Just rude in any culture really.
Hmm.. being in another country, and considered fortunate and lucky for being pudgy. Well, where im from it is considered fortunate, lucky and a sign of good virility to see an older man with a much younger woman. Perhaps i can stop the man next time, point at his young gf with a wink and then start dry humping the air. Mark it up as being part of a cultural exchange lol
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Shotcaller, have you noticed that you're much less likely to be on the receiving end of these sorts of rude/offensive comments and gestures when you are in the company of a (large) male?
That's your tip off that they *do* know that they're being rude.
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Lucas,
I am a large, physically powerful male. I also had a very influential position - with a lot of say over promotions, bonuses, etc., in one of the very largest corporations in Hong Kong. Nevertheless, "fat man" was my nickname.
Sorry, cannot agree with your basic premise, based on my own experience.
Can I ask you again, do you know what your nickname is? Because, if you work with Hong Kong Chinese, you have one.
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In your office find a bigger than average local girl or guy and start discussing their weight and HR will be around before you know it. You call the head local guy "fat man" to their face and that would be the end of your career.
I think it is cause we are different and this means we can be discussed like a horse or a dog - sometimes that is in a nice way (cute puppy) sometimes not (fat pig). Sorry, but true. Locals don't talk about friends, family or mothers / fathers like this. They don't. So it is rude, and they know it. It is just that you are different that it can't be rude to say it to you, you are meaningless to them. You have to ignore this stuff, it goes on everywhere here - it is ignorance usually not intentional. It has always been thus. But to say it is kind of cute and acceptable or cultural is really dumb, it is discrimination pure and simple. To encourage it (incluidng this whole "gweilo" thing - calling your child / mother / spouse a ghost really is too much - ghost aren't like Casper the Friendly Ghost in HK, they are menacing and must be paid off from time to time to ensure they keep away) is just perpetuating it. That said, I know some non-locals who stood up, and locals will get quite vocal about their right to say what they like about non-locals. And they will do it anyway. It is a strange culture, but like a crazy uncle, you accept the good with the bad. You just accept that you will be called fat constantly. A quick "Delay No More" will make your disgust very clear, or you can turn the other fat cheek - for surely they will slap that as well.
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> Can I ask you again, do you know what your nickname is? Because, if you work with
> Hong Kong Chinese, you have one.
In this thread, we're talking about someone who was insulted point blank by a local and my reply to you was premised on the notion (perhaps incorrectly) that people were referring to you *in your presence* by the nickname you said they'd whipped up for you.
If your question is whether my colleagues/reports have addressed me using anything other than my name and job title or variations thereof, then the answer is no. Not in English or Cantonese. I don't doubt that they have unpleasant nicknames for me (and each other) but they know well enough and value their continued employment highly enough not to use them within my earshot. That's good enough for me.
If you let your coworkers/subordinates get away with calling you "fat man" to your face, then we'll just have to agree to disagree.
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Resorting to childish tit-for-tat, perhaps, but maybe something like "Please don't speak, your breath offends me" in Cantonese might have shut the tactless twat up. If people like that driver get upset by your rudeness, apply the same excuse they're being given in various posts above by retorting that it's also culturally acceptable to make personal and hurtful comments to strangers where you come from.
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Gwan lei gwai si.
Mind your own business.
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